Changes

two

🌠 April '94

It is four o'clock in the morning, the only source of light is coming from the lamp on the nightstand. Pulling most of the covers, I had turned around to see the bathroom door opening.

" Rashaad, where are you going? " I asked him.

" Clarissa, just go back to sleep. " He replied.

" We should start seeing other people. This isn't working out. " I folded my arms.

" I don't have anywhere else to go right now. You told me that it wouldn't be a problem if I stayed here until, I get my own place. " He said.

" I know. " I sighed.

" Look, I never meant to hurt you. But, you just make me so upset with you sometimes that I can't really control my actions.. You still love me? " He kissed me.

" You know that I do, Rashaad. But, sometimes I feel as if you cannot stand me. I don't know.. I just wish that things didn't have to change so much. " I said.

💖

Later on that day, Kimberly had decided to take me out to brunch. Since, I paid for both us last time. It was her turn and I wasn't turning down anything free.

" Kim, I don't know how much of this I can take. He asked me last night, If I still loved him? And of course, I lied. " I said.

" Girl, y'all are not the first couple to ever fight before. You were probably tired from being at work all day and you wasn't in the best mood. " She told me.

" I'm serious. Sometimes, I wish I had never got pregnant by him. He's never at home trying to actually help out and then, has the nerve to borrow my car and just about runs out the little gas I do put in it because, his car is in the shop. " I said.

" Just think about it, first. Before, making any crazy decision. But, just let him that you're not going to take anything from him. " She suggested.

" I'll try to. " I said.

💔

Recently

I was going through my closet when I had came across one of his jackets that he would wear all of the time.

I held it up to my nose, inhaling the cologne that he used to wear all the time. Thinking to myself, I miss you.