Blurred Lines - Henry Cavill

Part 5

I sit there dumbfounded by his admission. I had no clue he had a fiancee, much less that she had somehow passed away. He must have sensed that I was lost in thought, because he reached out to cup my hand with his.

"How did she... you know." I trail off not sure of how I should ask him that, especially when I just helped him through a meltdown over it, knowing how much it still hurt.

"Car accident." He says blankly, as he continues staring at the stone, and running his thumb on the delicate skin of my hand.

I open my mouth to reply, but decide against it. Truth is I didn't know what to say. It doesn't happen to me many times, but now I truly didn't know what I could possibly say to him. And to be honest, I think he needs more my support than any supportive cliche shit I'd end up saying, even though I'd truly mean it. So I just keep holding his hand too, silent.

After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, he speaks up again. "I was supposed to be with her, you know?"

I look at him intently as he stares down, studying my reaction. Once again, I decide against speaking. He clearly wants to vent, and I definitely don't want to push him. Sometimes all we have to do is listen. Just be there and listen.

"We had agreed to go to her parents' house for dinner. But I had to cancel last minute because this meeting got delayed and my agent... I needed to be there..." He trails off, getting slightly emotional again. "I was supposed to be with her. I was supposed to be driving that car. Not her."

I squeeze his hand in reassurance and support. He hangs his head, breathing slowly, as he takes his time before continuing.

"A drunk driver crossed a red light and drove into her car. She was killed instantly." He mumbles, anger and hurt evident in his tone. "I was heading back home when I passed by the crash. The firefighters were taking her off the car. I tried to help but they pushed me aside. I understand why but... I saw her lifeless body on that stretcher. And I... I couldn't do anything." He chokes out, as he recalls the events from two years ago. "They didn't even let me get close to her. I promised her I'd always be there for her. That I would never fail her. But I did. I failed her when she needed me the most. I will never forgive myself. It should've been me."

"Don't say that. It wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do or had no control over." I say softly, staring at him, but he doesn't match my gaze, he keeps his down, as if ashamed to face me. "Henry, look at me." I plead, but he doesn't comply. So I hook a finger under his chin, turning his head to me. "You are not at fault in this. She knows that you would do, and did, everything you could for her. And wherever she is, she is looking down at you and she is so proud."

A couple of tears roll down his cheeks silently. He opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn't say anything. I know he's trying to gather his thoughts, so I don't push it, I give him time.

"You know... after seeing what I saw, I started having these nightmares. They're so fucking real, and I just... wake up, nauseated, wanting to throw up. It just never goes away." He admits, shyly. Finally, he's being fully honest with me, now I can understand and help him. "I barely remember what her laugh sounded like, what she smelled like. All I can remember, all that's stuck in my mind is the image of her bloodied face, her lifeless body, the smell of gasoline sprawled on the road. It haunts me."

Who could tell how much pain those beautiful blue eyes held behind them? I want to hug him until all the pain goes away. He has suffered enough. And he's punishing himself for something he had no control over. He couldn't have done anything.

"After her... I just, I couldn't do relationships, couldn't even think about it. She was supposed to be my wife. We were supposed to be together forever, until we were very, very old. But God took her away before we could do that." He trails off once again. I'm listening to him intently, never letting go of his hand. "But then you came along. And you turned my world upside down. Everything I was so sure of, turned into doubt." He lets out a sad chuckle before continuing. "You know, you were the first, and the only woman I've been with after Kath passed."

Well that caught me by surprise. I think I just assumed he had been sleeping with other women, having casual sex when he wanted to. But now, knowing the full story, I can see that that's all it was... assumptions. I misjudged him. Never judge a book by its cover, they say, and it's so true. But his admission reminds me of something else too. I recall the day he took me to that spot on the hill, and told me I was the only person he had ever taken there. Hadn't he taken Kath there?

As if reading my thoughts, that's exactly what he brings up next.

"Remember that place up in the hill?" He asks, looking at me and I nod. "The day I found it... We had just buried her, so I just grabbed my helmet and my jacket and took my motorcycle for a ride, with no destination. That's where I ended up. Staring at the most beautiful night sky I had ever seen. It was completely full of shining stars that day."

"It really is a beautiful spot." I agree with him, smiling at him. "Thank you for sharing it with me. It truly means a lot."

"Thank you for coming here. You didn't have to. I was fucking awful to you." He admits, shame written in his features. "Thank you for giving me time to deal with my struggles. Thank you for dealing with my struggles yourself. After what I did, I didn't deserve it."

"You deserve the best this life can give you, Henry. You deserve the world, and you so deserve to be happy." I say, confidently. "Don't deny any of those things to yourself."

"You really are a breath of fresh air. My guiding light. I was drowning in darkness, but you pulled me out." He admits, his blue eyes locked on mine, holding nothing but pure adoration. "I still have a long way to go, but..."

I cut him, knowing exactly what he was going to say. "I'll be here. If you want me to, I'll be right by your side. Supporting you and holding your hand, every step of the way."

A tear escapes his eye, but he wipes it off, pulling me into a tight hug. Suddenly, some water drops start falling from the sky.

"It's starting to rain. We should probably get home." I advise gently as we pull back, and he nods in agreement. "We can go to my house. You'll get some rest, maybe take a shower, as I cook us some dinner, ok?"

"You don't mind?" He asks, unsurely. I have the feeling he thinks he's just bothering me, or that I'm doing it out of pity.

"Henry, I am here, and I'm not going anywhere." I reassure him, getting up and extending my hand to him. "We'll stop by your house so you can grab some clean clothes, first."

He takes my hand without much thought, and that relieves me. So I help him up and we walk out of the cemetery hand in hand.

I don't know what this means for us. But I do know that we need to do this slowly and carefully. It won't be easy. I just hope he doesn't wake up tomorrow regretting letting his walls down and opening up to me.

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Part 6 ????