The Harassment

Critical Regrets

(AN: I've been getting complaints about the way I write. The fact I don't do spaces or paragraphs. Well let me say this. It's just my writing style. I do do spaced paragraphed writing, see Home For The Corrupted. But being real, I don't like doing it for books I will not end up actually publishing for book stores like the ones i plan to. Only the books I plan on publishing for book stores will have the spacing. I don't want to waste time doing the spacing for books like this where is won't be published. Either you like it or you don't. Sorry. My way, it's my writing, I can do it the way I want)

(This part was a bit rushed, but it's still deep. Art will be added later)

By the time I was able to go to the hospital, it had been days since the attack. I was still being monitored, and I wasn't off the hook, but I persuaded the police to let me see Russ in hospital. I don't know why they had taken me and not the harasser. He was the one with the knife. Well, actually. They did. I was in just too much of a panic phase to really notice. He was being held in custody, and his actions are being questioned. Attempted murder, or self-defense? He had no reason to start stabbing Russ. He had him held down, and the cops could've handled the situation better than he had. It was not self-defense. It was deliberate assault. All I knew about Russ was that he was alive, but I had no clear information about his condition, or if he would even stay alive. Images basically live forever, until something kills them. It can be anything, from: Reich's suicide, Soviet's fade away, and even Russ's stabbing. Just what would Russ's father think about this situation? His son being stabbed repeatedly by a citizen. No...not a citizen.....a beast. This is not the only time Russ has been stabbed. He's been stabbed so many times, and lived. It's like he's made of steel. He has scars all over his body from those situations. First time he got stabbed was by Reich all those years ago. Too long of a story, but he got stabbed in the back by him. He lived. The second time was actually a bit more brutal than this. Russians cornered Russ on his way home from doing some nightly runs. He fought back well, but a false move resulted in him getting stabbed at least sixteen times. Their reason for attacking Russ, according to Russ's recounts of what they said, was him being gay. In a gay relationship, with me. Some Russians are not proud their image is dating me, his own gender, and they wanted a new image so they decided to wipe out Russ. Try to. It was terrible. They were never caught, nor did the Russian government seem to really give a shit. Russ shrugs it off quite simply, but when it comes to things happening to me, he gets pissed beyond belief. When NK stole me and subjected me to torment....for "dating his brother" (Russ, but NK is an adopted brother not biologically brothers). Russ went on a long hunt for me, along with Alacian, American, and even Belarusian police and my friends. They really went all out. It's a mental scar on me, but I've surpassed it. Russ though, still hates the thought of it. NK barely got a punishment, and that pisses Russ off. He's able to set aside his own failures, but with mine, he still wants justice. It has spread globally about Russ's attack, and countries were already expressing their opinions and responses. Meri was caught off guard, shocked, basically. Ger was surprised and upset, and Bel. Bel is the anti-god right now. She expressed pure rage and hatred. In fact, she contacted me saying she was coming. I am a bit excited to see Bel, because I really need her comfort at the moment. I need to tell her everything that led to this. My heart is evermore broken. From my assault, to Russ's. What more could go wrong? I was in the hospital lobby, pacing. I was alone, and the night crept closer. The longer I waited, the less hopeful I became. "Alacia?" I heard a female speak in a Russian tone. I turned my attention to her, and she approached me with drooped eyes. "Как он?(How is he)" The nurse huffed and looked at her papers. "Он стабилен, но потерял много крови.(He is stable, but lost a lot of blood)," She paused and looked back up at me. "Нет никаких гарантий, что он переживет это(there is no guarantee he will survive this)." This statement made me fall blank and my heart wrench. I felt it sink and the need to just break down. After all of this, here we are. Russ, just the night before was breathing, blood flowing through him, alive and talking. He was just fine, and being the caring soft bear I know him as. All of that ended in a matter of a few moments, and by the swing of a knife. What still shocked me, though, was Russ's strictness while bleeding out. I saw myself, being held down again by the police, staring at Russ from where I laid. His crimson was staining him, and the cold concrete below the two of us, blood trickling down his maw, yet, he still kept screaming. His determination to make sure I was safe even while bleeding to death is unbelievable. That alone tells me just how much he cares about me, and also how horrifying the scene was. The sickening reality as to where I was right now came back, and let a hand grip my neck and a fist punch my gut. I gagged and held my gut as I stepped back, and the nurse perked to my reaction. I was starting to settle into a panic attack again. My mind cannot process all this. In not even a week, my life was crumbling. I get sexually assaulted by some disgusting Russian stranger, then have the same guy basically stab my boyfriend to death, who was just trying to protect me, and stand up for me. "Получите медицинскую помощь сейчас!(Get medical help now)" The nurse cried out, but I really didn't need it.....or I don't think. After she cried this out, I heard the front entrance doors to the hospital swing open quite frantically. "Where is my brother!" I could only mentally cry after hearing that familiar, motherly, female voice. Bel had arrived, and when I locked my blurred gaze onto her, she looked terrified. I didn't notice, but she was looking at me, shocked by how I looked. I fell back into a chair, huffing and unable to get a stand and control this. Bel's stance changed when a few, what appeared to be, doctors came running up to me. "Нет! Не надо!(No, don't)" They stopped and turned to Bel with confusion, but she just persisted to run up to me and get to my level. She softly gripped my shoulders, staring at me. "Sweetie-bun, breathe." I could hear her, and I wanted to listen to her. If this is confusing, Bel is far too caring over me. For this reason, I call her my mom, and she nicknamed me sweetie-bun. I love her to death. She's: bright, beautiful, and very charismatic. Without her, I would have to fight this alone. Russ would be my only real sanction from all this horror, and telling by what happened to him now, this type of shit can happen at anytime, anywhere. Russ would lay down his life for me, and this proved it. He and I forgot about that damned pocket knife he had, and didn't even think of him having it on him. Even so, like I had said earlier, how he screamed at his own countries law officials to unhand me because he knew I was panicking......I cannot process how much that just makes me....care. I can't lose him....not now....not ever. He can't die like this.... Bel is here, and she's always been here. She's a guiding light for I and Russ, and she will always be that. Russ loves her, and I do as well. I developed to love her. She too would give her life for I, or Russ. I question why Bel is really the only sibling of Russ's that still cares so deeply about him. Kaza still kind of cares about him, but he's started to slowly move away from him and branch out into his own thing. Not to say he still doesn't talk to Russ whenever they're together at meeting or other places. Kaza will still talk to Russ, is basically all that can be said. I'm not sure what he's been doing, but whatever it is, it's for his benefit. Uke hates Russ. The whole Crimea incident really dwindles their bond away. I know about the whole Crimea incident(my version of how it happened is different -author). Uke fails to completely understand that Crimea chose to conjoin with Russ. Her decision, yet Uke blamed Russ for the loss. It's a topic too complicated for me to comprehend, but it drove their sibling relationship apart. It came crumbling down after Uke began dating Can. Russ felt as if Uke had completely abandoned him, abandoned the attempt to make amends. I tried telling him he cannot change her. It was trying to fit a piece in the wrong hole. There is nothing he can do anymore, and he must move on. I sit here, panicking, processing this. The very thought Russ could die with all this burden on him, it sickened me. Please stop blaming yourself for this, and let's enter that realm of peace together. No more pain from the losses, the shattered hope. Just you and I. I let my breath catch up to me, and when I finally regained sight, I saw Bel completely. Looking into her eyes only made those thoughts come, and me to just sort of collapse into her and just sob. She held me back. "He could die!" I pleaded with my face in her shoulder. Bel took a moment to respond, which made me think that she was taken back by what I had said. "You don't know that, just relax sweetie-bun." I kept crying into her, asking myself so many what-ifs. I knew she was right, but that also was a what-if. What if he died? I would lose it all. My protector, my guider, my shining star....my lover. I would be mostly alone....with a burden forever lingering on me. It would feel just like my parents abandoning me all over again. I felt my stomach wrench, but I held in the gag to try and calm myself. He's survived two stabbing, he can survive this one. He has to. Bel pulled from me and slightly turned to the wto doctors and the nurse who still stood there, a bit dumbfounded. "Можем ли мы увидеть его?(Can we see him)" The doctors didn't respond, but the nurse did. "На данный момент он стабилен.(At the moment he's stable) Вы можете видеть его, но нет никакой гарантии, что он может говорить.(You can see him, but there's no guarantee he's able to speak)" Bel agreed and she had taken my hand, urging me to stand and follow her and the nurse to Russ's room. I wanted to refuse, really not wanting to see the state Russ was in, but at the same time I wanted to see him and hope he was awake to I could just cry into him and have him try and comfort me how he usually does. After a battle in my head, I finally gripped Bel's hand back and followed her as she and the nurse led us in the direction. As we entered the hallways, Bel turned to me, seeing my shallow, sunken eyes. Her concern grew as she kept examining my face. I paid no attention back to her, I just watched each step I took below me. "Alac. How did it come to this? Who hurt him?" She asked me with a low, but serious, voice. I cringed at the thought of him. He was just so specific, standing out among crowds. I reluctantly began to tell her. "I and Russ went to a bar some nights ago this week. We went there to mostly just have a good night out_" "Did Russ get into a fight..." She mumbled, but I shook my head. "It's actually worse than that..." I said before continuing. "He went to play some game with other people at the bar and left me alone. Well this guy came up and started talking about how he doesn't hate homosexuals and likes Alacia. It was weird....but then he called me cute and brushed his hand on my cheek..." Bel's eyes had rounded. She probably wasn't expecting that detail to be said. "I left after that and went to the bathroom, rinsing my face off after he touched me...well...when I exited he was there...and he pushed me down...held a knife to my neck....and told me....if I scream he would...c-cut me," My eyes began to water at this point. "He touched me...kissed me....b-basically assaulted me..." Bel grabbed my shoulders, her eyes showing hurt and hatred at the same time. I guess it runs in the family. "We were on our way to a meeting, when I saw him at the crosswalks....well...Russ proceeded to run up to him and start beating him...he eventually got the upper hand and started stabbing him with the same knife he used on me..." Bel let out a long sigh. "I am so sorry, sweetie-bun....none of you deserved to go through that." I slightly turned my head; her tone was deep and I could hear the hatred roll right off her tongue. I turned my attention away and focused ahead, trying to pretend I never said anything about that situation, really wanting to forget about it. "No one does..." I simply said. After a few long moments of tense silence, we finally reached a room and the nurse pointed to the closed door. She said nothing, as if she were trying to not make the situation any worse than it already was. I took in a deep breath and grabbed the knob, twisting it and pushing open the heavy wooden thing. By the time I had entered, my eyes instantly fell on him. My heart sank and my mouth fell agape to how he looked. He laid there, eyes shut with a breather over his mouth. He had IV's in his arm and a few excess things attached to him to monitor his breathing and heart rate. He wore an awkward hospital gown and I could see through it some stitches. Despite this all, he still kept his ushanka. No matter, Russ will always have it. It was a small amusing moment in this hurtful atmosphere. I've seen Russ in this state before, and it just hurts to see it again. Bel came in beside me, and when she saw her brother, I heard her terrified gasp and the hurt that followed with it. In some sense, Russ looked a bit more critical in this situation than he did in his past stabbings. The nurse shut the door behind us, leaving I and Bel in a silence, to where we could only hear the beat of the heart rate monitor. Bel grabbed hold of me and rested her head on my shoulder, as if she didn't want to see this. Her faint sound she made when she whined into me caused Russ to wince. My eyes rounded to his movement, and soon enough his eyes opened. I stepped back one step in a bit of shock. Seeing him like this made him look so different. When his eyes locked on me, they widened and he instantly became desperate. "A-Alac," He spoke, muffled and scratchy behind the mask. "An-Angel....y-you're okay..." I knew what he was saying, it wasn't impossible to hear. I didn't agree with him thinking I was alright. I was internally suffering, and I wanted to break down again. "Not really..." I stated softly. Russ immediately tried to lean up and move, but a spark of pain throbbed through him and caused him to let out a hiss of pain and fall back into the bed. Bel leaned off of me and looked to her brother, to where I took a few steps towards him with a hand slightly up. "Don't move, Russ. Stay still." I demanded. Instead of responding to me clearly, my heart sank even more to see and hear him begin to weep. Tears instantly burned in his eyes and flow down. "I'm so s-sorry.....I messed-up, I-I did-didn't mean ....t-to." I myself began to get emotional. After he said all this, all I could picture was him, laying on the cold concrete and a knife repeatedly entering his body. His cries of agony echoed in my head then faded as the image went with it. Russ opened his eyes and looked back at me, tears still pouring down his face. "C-come here...pl-please...." He practically begged. His painful voice made me approach the bed and bend down to his level. He looked directly into my eyes, my soul, with the deepest thoughts ever. He was broken, blameful, regretful. Out of instinct, I grabbed his hand, and he didn't hesitate to grip it back and tighten his gaze as the tears he already held increased. "I'm sorry..." He murmured to me. I shook my head and leaned in. "Russ...stop." I ordered, but he didn't follow through. "I was j-just trying to p-protect you.....n-now look at wh-where we are." He said to me with sadness in his voice. He was right. I kept repeating the moment it all happened in my head. The moment he took off after the guy and began beating him, the knife falling and raising, the cries, the chaos. It will forever leave a scar on my heart. "Th-the police," Russ went on, making me focus on him. "They d-didn't h-hurt you....d-did they?" I wanted to say no, but I felt my face back on the concrete again, and the pain of another panic attack setting in. I couldn't say no, I couldn't lie about this. I began to tear up more as I kept thinking about it. "Th-they did.....it hurt....bad..." Was all I said before losing it and reaching out to Russ, resting myself on him in a hug and just crying. I felt Russ grip me back and dig his fingers into my shirt to tighten that hold. I kept crying for a little bit until I regained my stance and calmed. I hate how much I've been crying over the days. All these tears left burns on my face, and as more came, the burning got worse. I leaned off of Russ, but I still held his hand. His attention turned onto me, then to Bel, who just stood there, blank and hurt. "Bel..." Russ mumbled. Bel took note and approached the bed, bending down to her brother and laying a hand to his face. He shut his one eye where her hand was the closest to and stared at her. "I'm so...h-happy to see y-you..." Bel smiled at what he said and just kept her hand to his head. "I'm happy to see you too, big brother." Russ shut his eyes and continued to speak. "The....doctors say...I....may not make it...o-or...that I will b-be here for a while....I took...a-a lot of d-damage." It hurt to hear that coming from Russ. "No." I said, making Russ turn his attention onto me. His eyes burned a hole through me, but it was intense care and not anger. "You are not going to die, Russ. You are coming home, and we will be together....you will be there with me to comfort me....be my big bear like I kn-know and love." I began to get choked up at what I was saying. It was as if Russ would die right here, right now. He seemed to make it sound like it. Russ stayed silent for a moment, before reaching out to me and wiping the tears that fell down my face with his hand. "There is n-no guarantee I will d-die, A-Angel.....there is also n-no guarantee I will l-live either. You do not know wh-what will happen. All you can do is keep hope," He paused and gripped my hand tighter, staring intently at me. "And a-always know I love you...."