Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 7: Hayden

Thu. 12/24/08 • 9:17 P.M. PST

"Why don't you have Harper or Tyler spend the first couple of nights with you at your place?" Mama Gold asks, snuggling the tiny wad of fluff and baby against her round cheek as she continues. "Have them come to your house! Or go spend the night at Tyler and Gage's! Those goofs have been doing a good job with her!"

Harper, Harlee, and Ty make it to the front door just as Mama Gold is finishing up her wine induced statement, just in time for Ty to make a funny comment about how it took some getting used to.

I know Mama Gold is worried about leaving the baby with me, but she's got nothing on how nervous I am...

I can't let it show on my face though.

"I wish I didn't have a flight at 4 A.M. so I could take this little snugglebutt!" Harlee says after a few moments, kissing the baby, and then moms head before saying her goodbyes and shuffling down the steps. "Why did we literally bring three cars to go back to the same house?!"

Everybody laughs. I'm late to join in, but nobody notices.

"So Tyler is going to your place to help Hayden with the baby?" Mom asks after everybody falters off into their goodbyes again. "Please do not leave her alone with the baby on her first night! Madi can be a handful, you guys know that!-"

Both Harper and Ty interrupt Mama Gold simultaneously, telling her in one way or another that they've got this, and to stop worrying.

A part of me doesn't want Ty to spend the night with me in case he tries to converse more about why I can't be with him. I'm not ready to deal with that tonight.

But another part of me also knows that having Ty spend the night is probably better than having Harper spend the night with me so she can maneuver her way into my mind and figure something out that she shouldn't. And definitely better than spending the night alone with that baby...

They'd probably reject her too if they knew what kind of person might make up the other half of her...

The thought is unsettling, but my mind keeps forcing it on me- maybe just as a means to fuck with me? I don't know!

I pull myself from my head just in time for everybody to glare at me, awaiting a response for a question I totally missed out on.

"Do you want me, Ty, or both of us to assist you in your first night with the baby?" Harper asks after a few moments, seemingly having noticed my spacing out just moments ago.

I silently thank her.

"Oh! Ty! You can come spend the night, right?" I ask, clearing my throat as I do. "You're on night shift with the... little one! I was on a strict schedule in the hospital, it's gonna take some getting used to!"

I can feel him question my intentions, but ultimately end up nodding his head and making a joke about it to Mama Gold just because she's being playful tonight.

Harper eyeballs me as if to ask if I'm sure that I'd rather him stay than her. I'm sure I worried her earlier before she fed the baby.

I shoot her a look to let her know it's fine just as Ty is pulling away from a hug with Mama Gold. It's crazy how well they get along now... I never thought that would happen.

Harper hugs Mama Gold next, reminding her of something involving tomorrow morning before it's my turn.

I'm surprised Mama Gold wants to hug me at all, but lean in to hug her as if I never even ran away... or did anything she didn't like, for that matter.

She hugs me back, and tells me she's happy I'm home. Again, not what I expected.

I don't deserve this... I hear once again in my mind as I pull away from her, plastering a smile on my face despite the sick feeling in my belly that's been coming hand-in-hand with the thought.

"I'm happy to be home!" I tell her though in my head, I know it's a lie.

I don't deserve to be happy, let alone to be happy that I still have this opportunity after everything I've done...

We all say our goodbyes and good nights before Harper, probably for my sake, volunteers to drive the baby back to our place in her car since she 'already has the baby seat installed.'

I'm sure her real reason for offering is because 'Hayden doesn't seem to like this baby very much-' but I definitely don't make it a point to argue with her on the reasoning she gave.