Cracking the Ice

Nightmares

Steve was sitting in his room. He heard the team come back but had no energy to go out and greet them. It could wait until tomorrow. He needed to talk to Bucky tomorrow. About Y/N. He could still not get over what Y/N had told him a couple of hours earlier, or more like yelled at him. She loved him, she was in love with him. His feelings were not one-sided. But when she had cussed at him and stormed off he knew he needed to talk to Bucky before he did anything else. Just because Y/N had feelings for him did not mean that Bucky did not have feelings for Y/N. He just could not do that to his best friend, even if it meant that he could not be with the love of his life. Something he just started to realise that Y/N was. Tears were once again running down his cheeks. His heart was breaking and he prayed that Y/N been telling the truth when she said there was nothing more between Bucky and her than friendship. Steve lays down crying himself to sleep.

He starts dreaming about Y/N. Her dying in his arms in the cold snow, her drowning in the cold water because he jumped into the water too late. Her being shot by a Hydra Agent. It was like a horror movie with every way he could lose her that he could not stop. He sat up in bed and the tears were running down his face. He needed to see her. He needed to hold her. He needed to know that she was alive. He stepped out of bed and opened his door. On the other side of the corridor Bucky opened his door and Steve looked around seeing that Nat came from the elevator together with Wanda. Sam opened his bedroom door as well, across from Y/N door. What was happening?

The team came home late that night, and the compound was quiet. They did not think anything about it more than that they needed to sleep. Usually, Y/N would be awake waiting for them to make sure nobody was hurt, but maybe she was still tired from her mission. Bucky walks to his room, thinking that Y/N might be in his room waiting for him, but when he opens his door and she is not in his bed, he hopes that that means she is in bed with Steve. He undresses his dirty clothes and walks into the shower to soothe his aching muscles and get the grim from the mission of his body. When he stepped out of the bathroom with the steam coming out of the bathroom he dropped his towel on the floor, put on some clean sweatpants and crawled into bed and fell asleep directly.
An hour later he sits up with a scream burning in his throat. Something was wrong. He hurries out of his bed and opens his door. In the hallway is Nat, Steve, Sam and Wanda. All looking around surprised that they all are awake.
"Nightmare?" Bucky asks the team and they all nod slowly. He looks over at Steve whose eyes were red and puff. Then he looks over to Y/N's door.
"Something is wrong," Nat says and turns around. She walks over to Y/N door and knocks.
Steve is looking down on the floor, not meeting Bucky's eyes. What the fuck had happened?
"Y/N!" Nat knocks on her door again but nothing happens. She opens the door and steps in. They hear some cursing so they all walk towards Y/N door. They find Nat sitting on the bed with a bunch of letters in her hand.
"She... she left," Nat gets out and looks at Steve. Bucky turns to Steve, his hands into fists. Steve swallows.
"What did you do?" Bucky growls out.
Steve takes a shaky step back. Y/N had left? Everyone was looking at him and he could not form a sentence. His mind was reeling. She had left.
"I should have known something was wrong," Wanda says, sweeping away a tear. Sam puts his arm around her shoulders. "I mean, she was not there to greet us."
"I knew the minute I woke up from my nightmare," Nat says and looks down at the letters in her hands.
"What?" Steve finally gets out. All eyes turn to him once again. Nat stands up and hands Bucky, Sam and Wanda a letter each. Nat was still holding a couple of letters in her hand but did not give any to Steve.
"You are a moron," Nat snapps at him. Steve looks around his teammates.
"What the hell happened?" Sam demands. Steve feels his eyes filling again. Nat takes Steve's arm and drags him out to the common room. Everyone follows.
"Explain why Y/N left without saying a word," Nat growls at Steve. Her arms are crossed and Steve sinks down on the couch closest to him. The drags his hands over his face and the elevator dings. Everyone's turn around hoping to see Y/n walking out of the elevator, but it's Tony, Bruce, and Pepper who are carrying Morgan. Clint jumps down from a vent looking around the room.
"Nightmares?" Clint asks, looking around at everyone, who all nodded, except for Steve.
"Where is Auntie Y/N?" Morgan's sleepy voice asks.
"Not here, Sweetie," Wanda says with a shaky voice. Tony and Pepper share a look.
"What did you do, Steve?" Tony marches over to Steve. He looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath.
"We, kind of, had a fight," Steve mumbles out.
"What?" Nat says. "We can't hear you."
"We had a fight after we came back from the mission," Steve said louder.
"About what? Why would she just leave because you had a fight?" Bruce asks and takes a step forward.
"Because this fucker is an idiot," Clint points a finger at Steve.
"She was talking about leaving the team, before the mission," Bucky growls out.
"You knew, and you did not tell me," Steve hops off the couch.
"Sit your ass down, before I do it for you," Bucky growls. Pepper mumbles something to Tony and leaves the room with Morgan. Nat gives Bruce, Tony and Clint a letter each, well no she gives Tony three letters. Steve figures it's one for Pepper and one for Morgan as well. He sits down.
"What happened?" Bucky says and Steve looks up at his best friend with tears in his eyes.
"I am so sorry, Buck," Steve says and takes a couple of deep breaths then he starts talking. He took them back to the beginning. When Bucky came to live with them. How he saw the affect Y/N had on his best friend and how he wanted to give them both happiness so he backed away. He told them about his feelings for Y/N. About their mission. About everything that had happened and finally the fight. How she had screamed at him and left him standing there alone. And how Steve had decided to talk to Bucky before he talked to Y/N again. He told them all while looking down at his hands, but now that he looked up he saw they all had sat down, all but Bucky. Who was still looming over him.
"Damn you, Steve, for always doing the right thing," Bucky swears. "I was trying to make you jealous so you would tell her how you are feeling. And now she is gone." Steve looks up at his friend.
"What?" Steve's eyes are big.
"Before you assume something, try asking. And actually, listen to the answers." Clint mutters out. Steve's eyes are still looking on Bucky. Bucky sighs and sits down on the table.
"You should have listened to her," Bucky drags a hand through his still damp hair. "I love her, but like a little sister."
"You mean.." Steve trails off and looks down on his hands. "Fuck!" he groans.
"You really fucked up," Tony sassed at Steve.
"The question is," Bruce starts and everyone looks at him. "How are you going to fix this?" The team nods. Steve looks at each of them. They all loved Y/N. Not like him, but she was a part of the family. She had also taken the time to write them all a letter, except to him. He needed to find her.
"FRIDAY, when did Y/N leave?" Steve asks. The team is waiting for the repons.
"Two hours ago," FRIDAY answered promptly.
"She can't have gotten far," Steve stands up and stalks out of the room. He goes to his room to get dressed and to find her.