The Diseased

C.15

Chapter Fifteen


You couldn't save him.
You're a liar.
You left him the first time.
And now you let him die.
You are a horrible thing.
You deserve to die.
How dare you?
Your own brother.
Not to mention, you let your parents die, too.
What a despicable character you've become.
You don't save lives, you know.
You only risk them.
And kill them.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
He was right there in front of you.
You could have fought those men off.
You are weak.
Ben and Greg should leave you.
That's what you deserve, you know.
"Stop....stop it!" My shrill cry was heard throughout the car, immediately causing Greg to pull over, and Ben to look over at me. This had become sort of a custom created, just these past hours of driving in silence in the cold, winter night. I would have these horrible nightmares of harsh whispers hissing at me, telling me things that I already knew. I knew I didn't deserve any of their help. Because of me, Madeline was killed. It was my entire fault. They wouldn't have stolen the car if I didn't tell them to, because they were genuinely kind people.
And I wasn't.
"Hey...hey calm down," he said, soothingly, and he clicked the seatbelt off, and pulled me closer to him, against his chest.
"It's fine. It's a nightmare. We're here, okay? You're fine, you're okay."
I nodded just so that he could acknowledge that I responded, but I had felt just so comfortable, I didn't want to move.
"Thank you. I love you."
Silence.
"I love you, too."

Bright, horrible sunshine shone through the windows, making sleep impossible as of now. Ben was gone, the car was parked, and I had assumed that they were both scouring the trunk for food, or something to eat.
There was also a blanket wrapped around me, keeping my warm in all of the cold. It was obvious who wrapped me up in it, and the thought was so aesthetically pleasing, I was almost sure my smile was abnormally large.
I really wasn't in the mood to move at all, I was so incredibly tired. The purple bags under my eyes weren't as dark as they were before, but they were still visible. Before, my mother had them, too, and she had read somewhere online that cucumbers had helped reduce them.
I wasn't entirely sure if cucumbers were easy to find at the moment.
I sighed heavily and brought the blanket over my head, blocking as much sunlight from hitting my eyes as possible. I also had high hopes of trying to fall asleep again, but the chances were incredibly unlikely, which led me to throw the blanket off of myself ridiculously annoyed that sleep was so far from my grasp, and run my fingers through my hair to detangle as many knots as possible. My hair had felt like a humungous mess of oil and grease, so the process was rather unpleasing.
When I had decided that my hair wasn't as horrible looking as it was just a few seconds ago, I opened the car door and slid out. I slammed it shut, in a way I was alerting my presence, and walked to the open trunk, where crates of food had been spilled out.
"Hungry," I murmured, without taking a second glance at Greg or Ben. From what was at the surface of the scattered things, there were canned goods and bagged dinners and granola bars. Modestly, I took a peanut butter flavored granola bar.
Aaron loved peanut butter.
Memories of him were vague, but at the same time, they were still there and real, like I had just lived them yesterday. I remembered him being such a child, sticking his chubby little fingers in a jar of peanut butter and sucking it off of his fingers. Being utterly disgusted at the stray food around his face.
"Do you need help?"
I blinked, then looked towards who had spoken, Greg.
"Huh?"
He gestured towards the unopened granola bar. "The wrapper. Are you going to open it, or do you need help?"
I shook my head, and immediately tore open the package.
He always struggled with opening things, whether it was a bag of chips or a jar...he was horrible at it. He could never find the strength to, or he just wouldn't tear at the right spot. I had always teased him that when he gets older and has a wife, he wouldn't be able to open things for her. He would always respond that he wouldn't need to, because he would be so wealthy that he would have butlers and maids to open things for him.
Thinking of him brought back the memory of his dead body, slumped over.
I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.
I put the opened wrapper down, and immediately slid down the side of the car, hugging my legs and burying my face in my knees.
"Are you okay?"
I shook my head stiffly.
He sat next to me, and rested his head on my shoulder.
"You really don't deserve this."
I nodded.
"I told you I had a sister, right?"
I looked up at him, and nodded meekly. "You didn't...didn't tell me about her, though."
He pursed his lips and smiled weakly.
"Her name was Anya."
I glanced at him, and half-smiled. "That's really pretty."
"My parents wanted me to name her. They said that they weren't creative enough, but I didn't think I was either. But I went to the library with them one day, and I opened one of those really big books on 'naming your children' or whatever, and I closed my eyes, opened it, and put my finger in the middle of the page to see what I got, and Anya was there."
"It sounds Russian."
He nodded. "She was always angry like a Russian, too. Uptight. She said she hated her name and that if she wasn't Russian, why is her name Anya, and that she wanted an American name like Hannah or Bella or something."
"I like Anya."
"Me too."

We had spent another few hours of just driving. We didn't stop for much, and Greg was almost entirely silent. Once in a while, he would glance over at the passenger seat and find no one there, as if he was about to ask Madeline something, or hold her hand, but she wasn't ever there, causing him to cringe and blink away tears that threatened to spill.
I sighed as Ben wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest, closing my eyes to try and rest as much as I possibly could and reduce the dark circles under my eyes, and distract myself from the horrible memories that kept coming in floods of Aaron, and my mother and my father.
I glanced up at Ben. He was staring out the window at the passing trees that actually looked like large sticks stuck in the ground, because they had lost all their leaves.
"Hey...?"
He blinked out of his state, and looked down. "Yeah?"
"What happens when this is all over? The apocalypse?"
"That depends on how you think it'll end."
I didn't think of the positive side of the situation. I had just thought honestly, how I personally thought it would happen.
"I don't."
"You don't what?"
I sighed, and squeezed his hand that was wrapped around me.
"I don't think it'll end."

We had eventually fallen asleep in our position, wrapped in each other's embrace.
Greg had started to fall asleep, though, too.
Still driving, his eyes began drooping.
The car skidded against something, a tree, as it drifted off the dusty road, causing his eyes to fully awaken, and cause him to shout out, "MADELINE!", and rapidly drive back on the street. We had lurched upright, looking around, lost and dazed. Later, after he apologized slowly and quietly, he had started driving, and we had relaxed once again.
And then, it happened once again. Skidding against a tree, shouting "MADELINE!", driving back on course, startling the both of us.
However, this time, he pulled the car over roughly, and held his hands over his face, his shoulders moving up and down almost uncontrollable as he sobbed.
"I can't." He repeated the phrase over and over. "I can't. I can't."
I unwrapped myself from his arms, allowing Ben to lean forward out of the car seat and place his hand on his father's shoulder.
"Do you want me to drive?"
Greg sighed and sat back in his seat, dropping his arms to fall to his sides. He stared at the roof of the car, his face red and tears spilling and falling down his cheeks. After a few seconds, he nodded.
Ben looked back at me. "Sit in the passenger seat?"
I nodded, and we both got out of the backseat. Greg slowly exited the car, too, and slid in the backseat. He didn't sit in one seat, though; he crawled in and lied down, sprawling out on all the seats.
I walked around the car to reach the passenger's seat, where as Ben opened the door to the driver's seat and switched the gear from park to drive. With that, he started driving.
I stared outside, counting the stars as we passed them. Fifty-three...fifty-four...fifty-five...
Eventually, I had grown weary eyed as well. My eyes started to shut as I reclined the seat a bit farther back so that I could lie down a bit more comfortably.
I was facing the opposite direction Ben was, though. So I suppose he thought I was asleep when he grasped for my hand while he drove, squeezing it tightly.
His ploy to do this without my knowing was backfired, though, as I leaned over in my seat and reached over to plant a tiny kiss on his cheek.
The smile on his face made my heart swell with happiness.
"I love you, Beth."
I smiled happily at him, and how he was just so Ben, and there was no better way to describe him then Ben, Ben, Ben.
"And I love you, too."

// Whoever's reading...hi!
I just wanted to let you know that I am so so so so incredibly grateful that above all novels to read on this website, you somehow decided to read mine. And that's just...wow. Out of all the novels here, I'm guessing there's well over 10,000 or so? (Please let me know if that's far-fetched. cx ) You chose mine. Okay, and I highly doubt that you've read up to this much, but if you have, I just want to tell you that I absolutely adore you and thank you thank you thank you for thinking that I am of some importance, and that my novel is in a way sort of good, and that I am worth your time. See, time is something that needs to be spent well, and the fact that you're using up some of that on me--well, my novel, really--it's just really pleasing and it makes me really happy, like beyond words happy, that it's worth your time. Erm, yeah. I think that's about it. Again, thank you, gracias, merci, danke, arigato, tack, etc. etc. (That was actually all the languages I know how to say 'thank you' in. :] )
I really don't know how to thank you enough. You're a beautiful individual and I love you and I hope you have a splendid day. //

I apologize in advance if you're looking for a Walking Dead fanfic. Just so you know, I adore theWalking Dead, but none of the characters are in my novel. thank you for understanding & enjoy!x