What it's Worth

Oops

Jane:

The music shot through my ears as a rush of excitement and adrenaline went through my body. The road looked as if it stretched on forever and I never wanted to leave this moment in time. With every window rolled down, my hair went wild behind my head while I yelled the lyrics to my favorite song. We were driving faster than we ever had before and definitely faster then Owen's old jeep could take, but I had never felt safer.

Once the sun had gone all the way down, we were snapped back into reality.

We put the top of the old Jeep down and pushed the seats back. Owen and I laid down with our hands behind our head, gazing at the thousands of stars decorating the night.

"Owen?" I asked, still staring at the sky.

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm naming the stars after everything I'll miss when we have to go to school." He said. Owen always has ways of turning simple things like this into meaningful moments that would take an eternity to forget.

"Do I get a star?" I asked giggling and turning to face him.

"You get the sun, Jane." Owen replied laughing and punching me in the side of the arm. This was normal for him, for us. Owen and I had been close since we were eight. We did everything together, at times it felt like we shared the same mind. We had instantly clicked and had been best friends ever since. Owen and I live in a small town outside of Chicago, so every now and then we'd get to have special trips up to the big city.

Owen being a guy never stopped us from having any fun either. Having a guy best friend was my favorite part of my every day life. We still had sleep overs like normal best friends, he drove me around in his car, I drove him in mine, we would tease and play with each other like normal too. The only think that sucks about having a guy best friend, is the moment you realize you're in love with someone you already have... but not in the way you want.

Ok so yes, I'm in love with Owen. I mean... how could I not be? Yes he was shy and could be reserved. But I like to think of him as my hidden treasure. A boy that I could say was simply mine. He saved the best parts of himself for when he was with the people he was closest to. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I get to be one of those people because I don't know what I'd do without Owen. The real Owen. My Owen.

Though technically, he wasn't mine. I knew one day I'd have to give him up. He's my best friend, friends and nothing more.

It's not my fault we became best friends before I got my feelings for him!

We've been friends for ten years and I'd been in love with him for five. Half our friendship I had been hiding the biggest secret anyone is obligated to tell their best friend, they're crush.  I would just tell him I wasn't interested in anyone when the topic came up.

But obviously that's not true. What I want more then anything in this world is for Owen to see me in a way he would look at any other girl. I want him to find me fascinating, beautiful, I want to be the girl he can't get out of his head. I want to consume his thoughts the way he does mine. But for some reason, when he sees me, he looks at me differently. He looks at me like I'm Jane.

I guess that's not a bad thing. I like being me. But to Owen, Jane is his best friend. Not like other girls that guys stare at and think wow, I would do anything to win her over one day.

But it's too late for that, I blew my chances ten years ago when Owen and I first met on the monkey bars.

If only I would have met him in eighth grade. That's when I fell in love. It was the first dance either of us has ever been to. I was excited and bought a new dress and everything. A boy in my class, Tucker Miles, had asked me to be his date. My 13 year old heart couldn't say no to my first opportunity of a fairy tale come true.

When Owen found out I was going with Tucker, he decided to ask a girl to the dance himself. I helped him make the poster and pick out a corsage and everything. He asked Danica Woods to the dance and I was so excited for them.

Until the night of the dance.

When the dance came, the four of us went on a double date before hand. It was fun and I got to get to know Tucker a bit more. But the whole time we talked, my gaze kept shifting over to Owen. That day in eighth grade changed how I saw him forever. It was like I was seeing him from new eyes. His wavy brown hair was perfectly shaped, and highlighted his green eyes. His perfectly fitted suit made him look older, more mature. I started to get jealous of Danica. I wished with all my heart that I was the girl that Owen looked at like that. I wanted to be the person Owen said was beautiful. I stared at those eyes for the rest of the night, completely lost. I had a pit in my stomach that grew every time I saw him touch Danica, talk to her, or even just look at her in the way I so desperately wanted him to look at me.

The feeling terrified me. I new right from the start I could never tell him I felt this way, and I though that with time I'd get over my silly little crush.

But over the years, I fell more deeply into my mess. Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I thought about him every second of every day. And when I wasn't thinking about him, I was with him, admiring every little detail about him that was so uniquely his.

And now we were going to college and there was no way I was going to tell him the secret I'd been holding in for so long. I want to, I really do, but I can't. Falling in love with my best friend was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. But still I can't bare the thought of us being separated. My heart can't handle being broken like that.

Owen and I had multiple nights like tonight. When he was focused on the bigger picture and I would stop and stare at him, praying he wouldn't notice me admiring his shaped jaw line, the magic dust in his eyes. And I would even close my eyes when he spoke, his voice was like a melody that got stuck in my head, but I never wanted it to leave. These were the days I'd remember the most when we went our separate ways. Me looking at him, wishing he'd turn and look at me too. It was like my stolen memory. Each glance and stolen look of the person I would never get to have as my own, no matter how hard I tried.

Even if I did work up the courage to tell Owen that he was the love of my life, it would ruin our friendship forever. No going back. Our friendship was my favorite thing in this world, I wouldn't dare do something that could wreck it forever.

After what seamed like hours, Owen turned to look at me, my stomach flipped as his hair fell in his face. I fought the temptation reach out and brush it back.

"Jane?" He said, looking into my eyes. Why did he have to do that? His rugged handsomeness made it hard for me to breathe.

My heart pounded loud in my ears. I chocked our a response. "Yeah?" I said, not daring to look away. I jumped when I felt him grab my hands that were resting in my lap.

"Sorry I just," he paused, looking at our hands. "just please don't forget about me when you leave."

This time I didn't fight it and brushed his hair back into place, it felt like silk between my fingers. "Owen, I'm never going to forget you, you're my best friend. You'll never be replaced, I promise." He chuckled and took his hands back. I immediately missed the warmth. The truth was, there we're times I wished I could forget him. Life would be so much easier if I could forget I ever loved a boy like Owen. My standards would be so much lower, and I wouldn't have to live with the pain of not being able to have him. But at the same time, I'll never regret it. Owen is my favorite person in the world, I can't imagine life without him.

"You better not!" He said glaring at me, bringing the mood of the night back to playful. "And if any guys come and chase you down, you call me, I'll deal with it." He said, making me laugh.

"Oh so now you're opposed to me getting a boyfriend?" I laughed.

"Well I can't be there to make sure he's treating you like you deserve! So no! No boyfriends for you if I'm not there." He had no idea how true that statement was.