What it's Worth

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Jane:

So. That just happened.

I was still stunned. My heart wouldn't stop it's rapid pace and I felt like I was living in a dream.

If it was a dream, then I wanted to sleep forever.

I felt safer than I ever had before with Owen in this little row boat. I had this indescribable feeling, making it impossible for me not to smile.

It was getting late and I was tired. Owen could probably tell because he began to row the boat back to shore.

I didn't want the night to end, but I knew it had to. We slowly got in the car, both of us a little shook from the events that just took place.

We sat there in silence for a while, I had no words. I had wanted this to happen for years and now that it finally did, I had some real thinking to do. I had a lump in my stomach that wouldn't go away. Then I remembered.

"Jane I-"

"Wait." I cut him off, raising my hand. I covered my mouth with my other palm and shook my head. "What did I just do?" I panicked.

"What do you mean?" Owen said. He had worry and confusion written all over his face. He shifted in his seat to look at me.

Tears ran down my cheeks. "Owen, I have a boyfriend." I said, ashamed at my own words. "How could I have done this to Jack?" I asked myself out loud.

"I know, I know. My timing was wrong. I didn't mean to hurt anything with Jack, I shouldn't have told you like this." He stuck his hands in his hair, pulling at the strands. He was stressed out.

"But Jane, you can't do this. I've waited so long. Don't back out now." he whispered the last part, looking at his lap.

I grabbed his hand, causing us to lock eyes. "I get it. And I don't want to back out. But I'm in a relationship."

A tear rolled down his cheek and he made no motion to wipe it away.

"Does he make you happy?" He asked. My tears started to spill out and I shook my head. I needed to be honest with him, and with myself. No, Jack didn't make me happy.

"Then why can't we?" He asked, tugging on my hand.

"You're my best friend. What if this doesn't work out and we're never the same again? I can't lose this." I stated, ignoring the tears that continued to stream down my cheeks.

Owen didn't reply. He just started the car and left the lake.

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Owen:

I had never gone from being so happy to so lost this fast. The wind was knocked out of my lungs, I was speechless.

It hurts the worst when the person that made me feel so special in one moment makes me feel so unwanted now.

I was in the best place of my life five minutes ago, and now everything was crumbling. My worst fear was becoming a reality. I had no idea how I was gonna deal with it anymore.

I drove in silence, keeping my eyes on the road. Jane called out to me a few times. I could hear her voice breaking every time she spoke. It hurt me more than I thought was possible. But I had to remember, I couldn't just pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be ok, that I was here to take care of her no matter what. I couldn't do that because that's not what she wanted.

She didn't want me.

So each time she called my name trying to get my attention, I didn't look at her. How could I? I didn't trust myself. My heart was shattered into millions of pieces.