on track [ hyunho au ]

[what if¿]

[pov: hyunjin]

after planning the concept and scenes we still had half an hour to film.
i had not participated in creating the theme at all, well aware of my teacher watching me in disapproval but i just couldn't put my heart into a project that i didn't want to do. well - not like this at least.

i would've shared my ideas eagerly if there would've been minho and me as the two male leads.. as the couple falling in love in highschool.
i wouldn't even have had to act, it would've been real for me.
yes, i was in love with lee minho, at first i had thought of him as just a small crush but now.. my heart kept fluttering everytime we had a conversation, everytime he slept over at my place or everytime we'd just sit next to each other, doing nothing except for enjoying each other's presence.

but i had to face reality, it was visible that minho was into yeri, the small hopes i had built over the years whenever he seemed to hug me a little longer than usual or when it felt like his hand had purposely brushed mine while walking:
all crashed within a few minutes.

as we still had time to film my team and i made our way out of the school building and on to the school grounds. we'd start with the scenes of minho and yeri being together since no one was quite sure how they'd fall in love but we still wanted to be productive.
well the others wanted, i didn't.

i prepared my filming equipment, picked all the right settings on my camera smoothly - jeongin hadn't lied, i was a pro at this.
our "couple" (ew, let me throw up) got into place and minho grabbed yeri's hand, intertwining their fingers. my heart ached at the sight and at the warm smile that had spread on my best friend's face, not because of me but because of her.

basically they were supposed to run down a path like this and i needed to film, of course. jeongin said he'd run as well to make it more realistic since a school wasn't usually empty.

so minho and yeri started running happily towards another camera while i hurried after them, trying to focus on my work without shaking the camera too much.
jeongin ran as well but at some point he had disappeared out of the frame and just kept jogging next to me.

"that was good, great job!", felix said, walking over to me to take a quick look at the filmed scene. "ah, you did well too, mate!", felix said, patting my pack for a second before yelling: "that's a wrap for today, everyone!"

my stare had focussed on minho and yeri again.
they were chattering calmly, both throwing a warm smile at each other here and then or rubbing the nape of their own necks like they were flustered.
yeri kept playing with her hair and i hated it and so did minho apparently so he just stroked it behind her ear which i hated even more.

-

that night i kept rewatching the raw film material over and over again. it hurt me deeply but somehow i wasn't able to put the camera down.
minho's smile. what if it had been directed at me? his hand in mine instead of yeri's? his eyes shining with joy and interest at my sight and not at her's?
a single tear started to roll down my cheek, paving the way for others which were about to follow.

why couldn't minho love me? why did i have to love him when it was destined to be a desaster?