Why

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I didn't mean for it to happen. I guess no one really does. I just wanted to see what it was like. I'm not saying I wasn't attracted to him, I was, but I didn't know what I was doing.

It was one thing. A simple turn of events caused the rest of my life to be a different path from every other outcome. I could have become a legendary Shadowhunter for all I know. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't met him. But I was twelve and foolish.

He was a fellow Shadowhunter who was staying at the Institute while his in France was being repaired due to a demon attack. He had blonde hair and brown eyes, he kind of reminded me of Jace. I guess I liked that.

He was a year older than me but the youngest in his Institute. His name was Jackson. He changed my life.

We were sitting on my bed after a tiring day of training. He was trying to teach me a move that could disable a Ravener demon in one blow. I could never quite get the hang of it.

At one point I lost my balance and tumbled straight forward in to his chest.

"S-sorry!" I stuttered
"Don't worry about it," he said smiling.

I don't know exactly what it was that made him look down at my lips. One second we were standing there, the next he was kissing me. I was kind of shocked at first, I didn't understand why anyone would want to kiss me. But after a couple seconds I kissed back.

That was my first fatal mistake.

I heard my door slam shut and the foundations practically rattled. Jackson and I jumped away from each other. I didn't know who had seen or how much they had seen. All I know was that I was scared to death.

I started panicking and Jackson just looked at me.

"I knew you were a fag," he spat disgustedly.

"What?!" I asked bewildered.

"No wonder no one likes you, you're a pathetic excuse for a Shadowhunter!" He shouted leaving me shocked.

He stormed out of my room and down the hall. I held back tears as I sank to the floor utterly hurt. I pulled me knees in and rested my head down in an almost fetal position.

When I looked up, my heart dropped. My father stood in the doorway looking directly at me. His face snarled into rage as he thundered in pulling me up by the lapels of my shirt. He dragged me into the basement and locked the bolt throwing me down the stairs.

As I fell down the stairs my head hit one of the wood edges and as I reached the bottom I grabbed it in pain.

Through it I could hear the
'thud'
'thud'
'thud'
of my father walking down the stairs.

I rolled away just in time to dodge his kick. But the force of his fist against my face made my vision blur. I quickly got to my feet and because I was smaller and slimmer I was able to run past him. I ran up the stairs, unlocked the door, and practically pulled it off its hinges.

"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!" I heard him shout as I ran past a very confused Jace. I burst out the doors of the Institute and ran as far away from it as possible before my body gave out and I collapsed into the alleyway.

I let my tears fall as I huddled against the cold stone of the buildings. My head was bleeding heavily and from the symptoms I assumed I had quite the concussion. It wasn't very long before I began to loose consciousness and had to lie down as blackness edged into my vision.

My name wasn't Alexander "Lightwood" anymore. I didn't deserve that name. I didn't even deserve my first name.

The last thing I remember is thinking, "I'll have to change it."

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 03, 2015 ⏰

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