Living With The Psychopath (GL) [Completed] [Self-Published]

Episode 42

Episode 42:

I quickly felt the pain when I woke up. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko to the point na mabilis nag-register sa utak ko lahat ng nangyari. I almost felt like panicking but when I opened my eyes and saw my parents sleeping along with Rosendale—who's just looking at me, I sort of felt relax.

I noticed that I was in a familiar yet unfamiliar place. This was not my room or anyone's room that I know of. I quickly realized that I was in a hospital, given the white painted walls, at ang amoy ng pinaghalong gamot at pang-sanitize ng kwarto na hindi ko mahulaan kung ano. I moved a bit but flinched afterwards. Nanlalambot ako.

I remembered everything, right when that d-devil did what he did that I can't even say it even in my head, I can remember when I lost consciousness and woke up with Rosendale crying, bathed with blood. I believed I wished not to wake up ever again, para akong mababaliw sa nangyari. But when I saw her, fuck, everything just...I don't know. I should be mad at her but I can't.

Mabilis siyang tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo. She tried to take a step forward but hesitated. Nagtataka ako sa kinikilos niya, para bang gusto niyang tumakbo palayo. Tinapik niya si Papa at Mama hanggang sa magising. My parents quickly went up to me and I can't help but cling on them like a child, wanting to complain about every fucking thing I had to endured.

Hindi ko mapigilang maiyak lalo na nang yakapin nila ako ng sabay, hinahaplos ako sa likuran, pilit inaalo dahil sa nangyari. I can't still remember how I got here in this place but I know Rosendale did something to get me some help. For someone who experienced hell, I felt at peace knowing that I wasn't alone when I woke up. Nag-e-expect akong maging histerikal o kung ano pa man, nag-e-expect ako makaramdam ng galit sa lahat pero ito ako...

"How are you feeling, 'nak?" Papa asked me. He was smiling at me, his eyes a little bit teary pero alam kong nagpipigil lang siya ng emosyon. Mama, on the other hand, was already crying. Bakas ko ang sakit sa mga mata niya—nilang lahat. "May masakit pa rin ba? We'll call the doctor, okay?"

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot. Nilingon ko si Rosendale na nasa isang tabi pa rin hanggang ngayon, nakamasid lang sa akin. I can see how much she wanted to come close pero hindi ko alam kung anong eksaktong pumipigil sa kanya. I remembered how she cried hard in front of me that I had to make her stop crying. Alam ko sa loob niya, sinisisi ni Rosendale ang sarili sa nangyari. I can't imagine the pain of what happened brought to her. I think, I became a part of her misery now.

Galit ako sa lahat ng nangyari sa akin pero wala akong maramdamang pagkamuhi sa kanya. Hindi naman siya ang nanakit sa akin, walang may gustong mangyari nito, alam kong never niyang hihilingin ito o papasok miski sa isip niya. I can only feel my rage to that fucking whore who violated me.

I can't help but feel na hindi na ako katulad ng dati. Ninakaw ng hayop na 'yon yung bagay na hindi dapat sa kanya. It was so painful I just wish my own death. There's still part of me who wanted to die, but there's also a part that wanted to live. I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko mapigilang sisihin ang sarili ko. Wala akong nagawa para sa sarili ko, ni hindi ko nagawang manlaban. Kung mas nag-ingat lang siguro ako, mapipigilan ko 'to.

Ngunit mas malaki ang parte sa loob ko na sinisisi ang lalaking 'yon. Walang may deserve ng ginawa niya. He's a mad animal, he lost his reasons, he just rode with his instinct to prey someone. I loathed him. I will hate even the tiniest of his bones, until the very corner of his soul.

Nang makita ko ang nangyari kay Kenneth, kung anong ginawa sa kanya ni Rosendale, aaminin kong natuwa ako kahit masyadong brutal at madugo ang ginawa niya. Pakiramdam ko nga'y kulang pa lahat ng 'yon. I really feel like he deserved that kind of pain, that punishment. I don't hate men in general but Kenneth's not a man, he's just some...animal. Undeserving of forgiveness and good life. I don't wish him to die just like that, I wish him to live and suffer until his final breath.