Alexithymia:
(n.) The inability to express your feelings.
After a few long, miserable months of confusion and uncertainty, I finally realized what I wanted all along was you. Not him. I could tell I was almost too late towards the end. If you never waited for me like you did, I never would've been where I am now, I never would've gotten to enjoy the last two months with you, and love you more than I ever have in my entire life.
But now, its gone. now I am in the position you were a few months ago. Destroyed, hopeless, full of love I can no longer share with anyone. Lost.
You are the best thing that has ever been mine and I cannot believe I let you slip from my fingers. We have been through more together than I have with anyone else. I never stopped loving you, I was just blinded, but now I am not sure if you are ever going to love me back again like I did you.
I am not sure if I'm ever going to get you back or if you are gone for good. It hurts more than words can describe, how one day you woke up and fell out of love with me, one day you realized I don't make you happy any longer, that day you realized you didn't want me anymore and now I am jut some memories you will never be able to forget about because I was all of your firsts, and you were all of my firsts.
I'm not sure if I should wait for you, like you did me. I want to so bad but I cant tell if I am just going to become more hurt and damaged by this, or if I will have made the right decision and it will end happily. You might never end up coming around and wanting things to work out like I did, but you might also just need some space like I did.
I am truly not sure about anything, but I would do absolutely anything to make things out again. I love you more than I could ever express. You are the best thing that has ever been mine and I cannot believe I let you slip from my fingers.
