YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO • PANSMIONE

( FOURTEEN ! )

IT WAS THE LAST DAY OF TERM, and only a smattering of the snow that had once fallen so heavily remained, dusting the castle roofs and lingering on the slenderest branches of the trees. There was a magical elegance that hung around the castle, and Hermione was almost sad to be leaving. But she also shivered with excitement at the thought of being with her parents again, and cramming in a few hours seeing some of her old muggle friends from primary school. They weren't really close anymore, but Hermione longed for the nostalgia of old times, before the nightmares and Voldemort and all that was magical. She loved being a witch, but sometimes she felt it might have been easier if she had just gone on living in simple oblivion, not knowing a whole other world existed right beside hers.

"Hermione?" Ginny was sat next to her on the cold outside bench, her breath condensing in the air. "You seem kind of distant."

"Just thinking," Hermione said. "I'm happy. Really happy, actually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She sighed contentedly. "I was just thinking about my parents."

"Have they forgiven you yet?"

"For wiping their memories? No. But they aren't angry anymore. I think they know why I did it."

"Well, that's good," Ginny said softly. A soft breeze played with the ends of her hair, turned golden in the cool sunlight.

"How's your mum?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

"She's...well, she...she's not great." Twisting her fingers, Ginny stared hard at the ground, and Hermione looked away, knowing her friend wouldn't want her tears to be observed. There was a long moment before she could speak again, and when she did, her voice trembled and cracked a little with emotion. "She took Fred's death hard, you know? And she doesn't really get out of bed somedays. Other - other days she seems almost too jolly. Like it never even happened. She's so fragile now. We always - she was always so terrifying. And now, you can't even breathe too hard or she might - might break."

Nothing Hermione could think of would make this better; no words could rectify the wrongs that had been done. She wrapped her arms around Ginny, hoping she could telepathically convey her deep sorrow, and sympathy, in a simple embrace, knowing that nothing would be the same again. Darkness had touched them all.

Never had more students been able to see the thestrals.

"Hey, Hermione!"

"Pansy!" Hermione smiled at the sight of the Pansy's dark hair and round, gold rimmed glasses. Ginny shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey," she mumbled. Hermione knew that Ginny was still unsure about Pansy, and their relationship, but she was trying, and that was what mattered.

"Hermione, I know this is kind of short notice," Pansy said, "but would you want to come and stay with me in the holidays? I'd love for my parents to meet you!"

Hermione was taken aback, then grateful, then doubtful all at once. "I-"

"Please," Pansy begged, grabbing her hands. "I really want to show you where I live and all my favourite places!"

Hermione smiled weakly. "I'd love to go, but-"

"Yes! I'll write to my parents right away. You can come in the second week and we can come back to school together."

"Wait, Pansy," Hermione said, grabbing her arm. "Won't your parents - I thought -well - I'm - I'm a muggleborn."

"That doesn't matter!" Pansy replied brightly.

"Really?" Perhaps Hermione had misjudged.

"We won't tell them," Pansy continued. "If they never know, then it'll be fine!" The entire idea of pretending to be someone she wasn't for an entire week made Hermione feel weary to her bones.

"But what if they do find out?"

"They won't," Pansy said. "They're so oblivious, they never notice anything."

"Pansy, I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I'm really comfortable -"

"Oh come on, Hermione, don't be like that."

Ginny intervened. "She said she didn't want to go, Parkinson. Just leave it."

Pansy's face reddened. "Excuse me?"

"Ginny, just leave it - " Hermione began, sensing a fight brewing.

"Yes," Ginny said, ignoring her. "My friend, and your girlfriend, doesn't feel comfortable going to your house for a long period of time, and I think you should respect that."

"Yeah, well in case you hadn't noticed, Weasley, she's my girlfriend, and not yours. Or are you jealous?" Pansy sneered.

"No," Ginny snapped. "I'm not jealous. I think you're insecure."

"Me? Insecure? How can I be insecure when you - you - you're the one with a dead brother!" Pansy's cheeks were infused with red, like every vein had risen to the surface of her skin at the call of her shame, anger and hatred. At her sides her fists were clenched.

"Fuck you, Pansy," Ginny spat. "Have fun with your girlfriend, Hermione."

"Ginny, wait!" But she was gone, disappearing into the castle without even glancing back. Angrily, Hermione turned too Pansy. "How could you say that?"

"What do you mean? She - she..." Pansy trailed off. "I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

"No!" Burying her head in her hands, Hermione felt helplessness envelop her in a cold wave. She cared about Pansy, but it was so, so hard when at every second something sharp and hurtful and cruel flew from her lips, and cut the people around her. How could she have Pansy and her friends?

"I'm sorry," Pansy muttered, adjusting her glasses. "I-"

"I don't think you should apologise to me," Hermione snapped.

"I -" Discomfort tugged at Pansy's features. "I should...apologise?" She spoke the word like it was a foreign language, like it burned her tongue.

"Obviously."

"But I..."

"Do I have to treat you like a child? Can't you see how much you hurt her? Her brother died, Pansy!" When there was no response from the other girl, she pushed herself up from the bench. "You know what, I can't do this-"

"Wait!" Pansy held out her hands imploringly. "I'll apologise, okay? Look, you can watch." She began to walk backwards in the direction of Ginny's departure, not tearing her eyes away from Hermione's face. "I'm going to apologise." Then she too disappeared.

Hermione sank back onto the bench and rubbed her eyes.

What a mess.