Mystery that is Z

Chapter 53

Maddox's POV

Five.

It's been five days since I have learned the truth of my brother. Five days since I have felt anything remotely happy. Five days since I have really communicated with anyone. Five days since I have left my house. Five days... of my mind feeling utterly lost. 

Everyone deals with loss in their own way. Some avoid it, not recognizing the loss until it festers and rots from within til you implode. Some seek to remember only the good memories allowing them guidance through the hardship of the loss while elating light in the dark. Some, like me, can't seem to wrap their head around it. It is not that we are avoiding it or remembering it, It is our mind still trying to grasp it. 

I know he is gone. I know Sammy is no longer with us... but my mind... is stuck. I haven't broken down, I haven't cried. I haven't truly grieved the loss of my brother. I can't seem to understand how to feel about this. I can't cry the way I know I am supposed to. 

Coach has been informed by my parents. He's come to visit and told me to take some time off. My team mates learned of the truth and have come over to visit as well. My mother comes by daily to check on me. My dad has come by for a beer a few nights. Cass has only come by once and couldn't handle seeing me in my state. Luke has stopped by everyday after practice to talk... to tell me about the team and to try making conversation... It hasn't worked. 

My only anchor right now seems to be Zethora. She leaves for training in the morning and when practice ends, she comes directly here. Her coach was told what happened... I don't know if it was by Z or her uncle but he knows and has been lenient on her hours of practice right now. 

She doesn't force me to talk. She allows me to just... be. Most nights, she would make dinner, if my mother doesn't bring it over with my dad, and we would curl up on the couch where she wouldn't say anything but just pull me to lay with her. Her fingers gently grazing my face, my neck, or my hair. I relish in it... her attention, her care, her love. She has no idea but she is what is keeping me moving right now. Not my sport, not my parents or sister, but her. 

Five.

Five days is long enough to not know what to feel and it has finally happened. My mind convincing my body to feel the sorrow for my brother. My Sammy, who will never experience his own epic love story... his own family... or grow old and pass at a proper age. And it hit me like a fucking freight train. My body jolting up in the darkness of the room.

"Maddox! Maddox I'm here." 

That voice, that siren voice keeps me from falling into oblivion, from turning to the darkness within me. Her strong arms holding me as my body rakes with uncontrollable shaking. My sobs echoing in the four corners of the room. My tears falling down and dampening my shirt that lays on her. She turns on the bedside light before pulling my head to her chest. The notion she has done everyday this week. She continues cuddling me as I finally let go. The grief causing my 260 lbs of muscle to turn into a shaking mess upon my girl. Her grasp firm as she continues being my anchor... my light. 

"Zethora, he's gone." 

She doesn't say anything for a minute but when she does, she speaks softly. 

"I know..." 

Fox nudges my legs trying to comfort me. I know my friend wants to help but I can't even consider moving away from my sweetheart. She knows this so she reaches down rubbing Fox on the head for me. She allows my entire weight to lay upon her as my arms continue engulfing her waist to my chest. My lower half laying between her legs and my head laying on her chest allowing her heartbeat to be my source of comfort. To be my calmness in the storm brewing within me.