𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 ☾𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐠𝐲𝐮

𝐮𝐧𝐨

your tears wet my shirt, but it didn't matter. all that mattered right now was finding a way to make those tears stop, because you crying physically pained me. you didn't deserve to cry. you didn't deserve to feel sad. the darkness of the world didn't fit your purity. you're far too perfect for this bullsh*t.

"can you tell me what's wrong?" i asked softly.

it was silly the fact that you'd been at mine for half an hour and all i've done is hold you while you cry in silence. it was silly that i dropped everything as soon as i saw your tears.

it was silly how whipped i was for you.

"s-soobin." was all you uttered out, but it was all you needed to say for a frown to dampen my features.

soobin didn't get you. he'd never gotten you, so i didn't get why you loved him so much and why you two had been dating for so long. soobin didn't get how pure you were. he didn't understand that you were special, and treated you like you were replaceable.

"what did he do now?" i asked, letting my saltiness seep through my tone because it felt like every other week soobin was somehow making you cry. whether it be due to arguments, or little things he's said or done.

"why do you hate him so much?" you asked through tears, voice muffled due to how your head was buried in the crook of my neck.

"i'm sorry, i don't hate him- it's just.. never mind. tell me what he did." i stammered, breaking the embrace to wipe your tears in an attempt to make you calm down a bit more.

i hated lying to you, but no one can tell their best friend that they hate their boyfriend with every bone in their body.

you opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out. it was like you couldn't bring yourself to speak. it was like your sobs were clogging your throat and i hated it.

i hated it because i knew that feeling all too well.

you shook your head lightly, almost as though you were giving up on speaking. you hid your face in my neck once again and broke into a fresh set of sobs.

in that moment, i realised how serious this argument might've been. my heart sunk at your pain, and i wrapped my arms around your waist once again and pulled you closer if that was possible.

"he broke up with me." you finally let out, and suddenly i didn't know what to feel or say.

i didn't really care that soobin had broken up with you. to be honest, i was kinda glad he had, but the fact that you were so sad over it was enough to make me furious. it was enough for me to feel a need to march over to soobin's house and beg him to apologise and take you back, just so that you weren't crying in my arms anymore. just so that you were happy, because i'm not sure if i'm enough to make you happy.

"why?" i asked, figuring that you needed to talk about it to maybe feel better.

you shook your head once again, and your bangs felt ticklish against my chest.

"yeonjun's back in town."

yeonjun was the person soobin truly loved, you were only a rebound to him. i knew it from the start, but i couldn't say anything because you were so happy with soobin. i'm surprised you didn't notice how obvious it all was, i'm surprised you didn't find it sus how soobin literally got with you less than a day's news that yeonjun was moving. maybe you were blinded by love. so blinded that you let yourself get hurt.

"shouldn't you be mad at soobin then? for using you like that?" i questioned, because i felt angry. angry that soobin had thrown you away like you weren't a diamond in the ruff.

"i-i love him, how can i be mad at him?"

your words were all it took for me to let out a shaky 'excuse me' and leave you alone in my living room, my feet making quick steps up the stairs and into my bathroom that was down the corridor because my chest felt like it was burning. each step i took felt heavier than the last, and by the time i had arrived in the bathroom i had to grab onto the rim of the sink simply to stop myself from falling into a heap on the floor.

i felt light-headed and dizzy as the familiar pain scratched at my throat, a cough leaving my lips followed by blood which made my stomach feel queasy with nausea. i'd always hated blood. so much so that i found it hard not throw up at the sight of it. it was weird how i'd never gotten used to it, even though i saw it almost everyday.

i let out another cough, the fact that my throat was purely dry causing everything to be more painful than it needed to be. it was like my heart was getting stabbed by thorns each time a cough left my lips. come to think of it, that was probably what was happening.

i looked down at the mess of petals. white petals, lavender petals. the aroma of the flower filled the room, and i remember a time where i would smile at the scent. a time where my heart would flutter at the sight of lavenders. now i only feel a gut-wrenching pain and sadness because the flowers were meant to be pretty, but the blood that stained them caused everything to become ugly and dark-

"hyunie, you okay?" your voice filled my ears, causing another cough to escape my lips in turn dirtying the white tiles of my bathroom floor with blood-covered lavender petals.

"yeah i'm-" cough, "fine. just-" cough, "give me a-" cough "second".

tears filled my eyes, my throat feeling clogged. i gasped for air, ignoring your worried calls to try and focus on my breathing.

petals surrounded my body that was now a heap on the floor, my eyes closing in an attempt to feel some sort of peace to distract myself from the unbearable pain.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝.

if you can't already tell this is going to be a very angsty book so be prepared.

how was the first chapter? are you listening to the playlist?