You and I | A Star is Born

5|La Vie En Rose

Jack stared at her, blinking. A handful of times, when he'd allowed himself to imagine that he still meant enough to her that she would come to find him, he had rehearsed exactly how he'd feign indifference and pretend to be cruel to her. Maybe recite a few lines from the letter he'd left for her so she wouldn't be tempted to stay. He would do whatever it took to get her to keep away from him so that he could keep her safe. Or so he'd told himself.

But now she was here, standing before him, and he knew instantly that those ideas were just fantasy. There was no way he could say those things to her face. He couldn't pretend he wasn't still madly in love with her. There was a reason he'd sent Bobby to deliver those divorce papers years ago – because Jack was a shitty liar and it would only take one single frown from her to make him confess all his sins and beg for her forgiveness.

"I have a lot of questions," Ally said.

"I'm sure you do," he replied.

"I'm gonna go do inventory in the stockroom," Mateo said loudly. Jack waited until he heard the stockroom door shut before gesturing to the barstools at the counter with a sigh.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, as they took a seat.

Ally glanced around the room. "So you're sober now?"

"Almost two and a half years."

"Even while running a bar?"

He gave a bitter chuckle. "It's uh... it's kinda like exposure therapy. I knew if I could handle being here I could handle being anywhere." And he'd been able to. The beginning had been the toughest, but at this point he could easily work through the nights without wishing for a taste of the bitter liquid or longing for one more high.

She nodded. "And The Deep End?" she asked.

"I figured I'd gone way off of it. And I was far from "The Shallow." From you."

"Why did you go away from me in the first place?" she asked. Those green eyes looking right through him.

Jack fiddled with a silver ring on his finger. If there was anything that brought on cravings, it was remembering that night and the weeks that had followed. "I was trying to do the right thing," he said. "I... I know I hurt you. And I know I fucked things up, but I was trying to do right by you."

"By killing yourself?" He looked up, startled, and she flinched. "Sorry. I just – I've spent the last two years trying to make sense of what happened then. Trying to find closure somehow. Usually I find it in music but this time it's not enough. I still feel this... empty space. I need to understand. Please."

She was pleading, and he was never good at saying no to her. "I wasn't in a good place then. This whole being sober shit just was so new and I was still so embarrassed about the Grammys. Honestly I was kinda shocked you still wanted to be with me."

"Did Rez say something to you?" Ally asked. When he didn't answer she said, "I know he did something. He told me as much. Look you don't have to protect him – I fired him at the end of the tour."

"You fired him?"

"I don't regret it," she said, straightening up. "I didn't want a manager who thought he controlled my whole life." That explained why she'd gone back to her natural look. The brown hair, the minimal makeup. Ally had been willing to play the right games to reach her goal but he'd always known deep down that just wasn't her.

If Rez was out of her life then he could be honest. And he owed her that didn't he? Fuck, he owed her the world, but honesty was a good place to start. "He came by the house before your show. Told me that I was running your career. I was an embarrassment. He said... that you looked like a fucking joke, staying with me. And that there was no way I could stay sober. And I was so fucking scared that he was right. I couldn't let that ruin your career or stop you from singing. I didn't want you to waste your time taking care of me when you had the whole damn world to see.