Warning: Drug abuse
This is a one shot inspired by the song Cringe by Matt Maeson
I sat limp against the the floor once again, feeling nothing but the warmth of the drugs in my body. The numbness that took away all the internal pain.
Lover come over, look what I've done.
I've been alone so long I feel like I'm on the run.
There she was. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom. Looking at me with sheer disappointment...
I felt too numb to stand up. I fell off again. I can't live without it. I can't get myself out of the endless loop of being high and being sober and sad. I'm not okay. No part of me is okay. I wish I could be okay. Not for me. But for her. She's all I care about.
I don't care about my life. My health. My stupid fucking band. I don't care about any of it. She's my life.
No, the drugs are my life. At least that's what they have become. I would never tell her that. But I think she knew. She knew I chose the drugs over her. And god I wish I the power to choose her.
Lover come over, kick up the dust
I've got a secret, starting rust.
"Nikki..."
I stare up at her. Her features soft and sad. Her slim figure begins to gently shake at the sight of me. A tear falls from her cheek. I finally gain the strength to pull myself up from the floor and I try to hug her but she runs away.
I follow her to living room and she grabs her bag and coat again. Slipping her shoes on her feet.
"Baby..." I start in an attempt to beg her to stay.
"No Nikki don't even start, I can't just sit here and watch you do this to yourself!" She says raising her shaky voice.
"What, have you become Nikki? Where's the Nikki I Fell in love with? All I see now is a junkie. You're not even nice anymore. To me, to anyone. You're always angry or upset with me. And when you're not it's just because you're fucked up.!!!" She begins to yell at the end of her sentence. Guilt begins to fill my entire body. I don't even feel the effects of the drugs. All I feel is sadness and regret.
She said I'm looking like a bad man, smooth criminal, she said my spirit doesn't move like it did before.
"I'm sorry..." I mutter.
"I know you are. But I just can't do this anymore. Nikki you don't even look like yourself anymore look at you?? You're so skinny you don't even eat anymore you just do drugs and drink. And look at these dark circles under your eyes" she says stepping toward me and touch my face.
She said that I don't look like me no more, no more
"I've just been tired lately." I say so lowly it's almost a whisper.
"You're not tired Nikki you're just high."
I said I'm just tired, she said you're just high.
"I just can't do it anymore baby. You know I love you more than anything. But I can't sit here and watch you do this to yourself." She begins.
"Please don't go, I need you. I need you more than anything else in the world right now."
"More than you need the drugs?"
I look down at my feet, disappointed in myself.
"no."
"Exactly. Goodbye Nikki."
"No please.... where are you going."
"I'm going away for a while. Call me when you can make a better choice." She says as she walks out the door. Closing it and walking down the hallway of the apartment building.
"No." I whisper to myself as a tear falls from my cheek. I did this to myself. This is my fault. I sink back down to the floor.
Rock Bottom.
