something i hold on to (viceion)

1: unstable

1997

marie, after a month of lamenting, plays the piano again (play media), she slowly closed her eyes and feels the melancholy that motivates her from creating a sound of music, she was completely sad she cannot deny it. she imagines benigno singing and playing the cello. they were both fantastic, they were the couple everyone envies because of their talent.

"how would people be envying us if you're not here with me anymore?" she murmured as she continues playing the piano

-

she goes to her therapist and she was asked, "how are you feeling today?"

she plainly smiled and said, "yeah.. i guess i'm fine." her eyes speak the different emotion, everytime she goes to her therapist the only thing that possibly calms her down is fidgeting her wedding ring to stop the tears from falling

"you only guess?" the therapist asked, "go on, you can say everything.. willingly. think that there's no one around here except you."

her mouth starts to shake as she bows down her head to hide her true feelings. it took minutes before she took a deep breath to finally speak up.

"there were times people in our workroom would murmur that she had gone crazy. why don't they let a woman feel her sadness until it's gone, until it's submerged deep in a trench even scientists can't find anymore?" she took a pause after her sentences were freed, took a deep breath again before continuing what she was saying, "it's always lonely. i'm always lonely now that he's gone. everytime i look at the cello, it tears me up."

she now can't help herself, the tears escaped her eyes, she covered her face with her two hands and shouted, "you know what i feel? i feel betrayed. i feel fucking betrayed by him! this is not anger, this is... rage! i am enraged because he left me alone, what would i do with my life now? everything just reminds me of him, what's with all of those reminders if it's now impossible to see him, touch him, feel him, speak to him?! what even is the point of being here and venting out? i don't believe in any gods but right now i just plead and talk to every divine and omnipotent beings to please bring him back.. to.. my.. life. i know it's a selfish thing for me to ask, but.. this is unfair.. he is unfair. he was unfair." she said as she was sobbing.

-

marie heard a knock on her door only to see her younger sister, anne, "marie! i've missed you so much!" anne hugged her, "how are you doing so far?"

marie let her sister in and they just talked to the sofa, "you know.. just, recovering.. having fun alone here." she subtly laughed to ease the pain

anne hugged her tight as it was what she needed the most.. a hug from her sister that lives miles away from her and benigno's house.

"so, what do you need?" marie plainly asked.

"nothing, i just felt the urge to visit you.. to comfort you. sis, i.. you know let me cook you your favorite pesto pasta."

"uh yeah sure.. do you know that it was also benigno's favorite?" marie shook her head, "ah, you know, enough of him. we need to have a sister bond today. luckily i don't have any work stuff to do."

"the lord is good." anne jokingly said

"uh yeah, and she's a woman, i believe."

after anne cooked, they ate the pesto pasta she made and at the middle of their meal, they were just having fun, talking about personal stuff. anne suddenly asked, "sis you know.. i've been having this.. music class. and i... my music teacher tasked us to bring a.. you know... a cello."

marie subtly frowned because she already know what her younger sister was implying, "and?"

"i know it's a thing i should not ask but would you mind if i.. borrow benigno's cello? or i can also buy it.. if you only don't mind?"

marie looked away and said, "anne.. yeah.. that's really the thing you shouldn't have asked. you are.. so.. insensitive? you see, i.. i cannot. okay? that cello.. do you know how much it costs? it's priceless. that cello is benigno. it is him. i cannot give you that i'm sorry but you are really insensitive"

anne gulped because she knew her sister would say no to her. marie is a generous, young lady, but when it comes to sentimental things, expect a no from her.

"i.. i think i should go.. i'm really sorry sis, i really am."

"yeah i think you should.." marie whispered and never get to look at her sister again. she feels disappointed and blank. the only last noise that was made from anne was the sound of the door closing, leaving her sister alone at the house again.

she played the sound of sadness and disappointment again by the use of her piano.

"please be here, mon amour... mon benigno."