More than Anything

Brielle

    I should've known. I should've expected it. I never should've trusted Everly; it only lead to being put under a sleeping spell. (While I was kissing her; come on!) I don't know why I ever trusted her. I was foolish, naive, stupid. What else did I expect from Everly Johnson?
    I used to hate her—since our first day at Watford—but something changed. I guess I always loved her, but I almost wish that I never had. It would've made everything so much easier. I think back to our daily fights. She always found a way to get under my skin, and I hated her more than anything (I never even thought about the possibility of loving her).
    When I saw her fighting those vampires by the gates, my instinct to protect her took over, and all of my anger towards her vanished. I just knew that I had to save her. I would've done anything, and thinking back on it, I realize how terrifying that is. I loved her that much.
    Now, I wake up before her so that I can get ready for my classes without having to face her. We're back to the old routine, I guess: avoiding each other as much as possible. My heart aches at the thought of it. Part of me just wants to forgive her, and kiss her until I'm dizzy. But, I can't do that. I can't forget what she did to me.
    I step into the bathroom, and quickly change into my uniform. Then, I braid my hair. When I look at myself in the mirror, I break down in a fit of sobs. Get over it, I tell myself. I don't have time for this. I shake my head at my reflection. I can almost feel Everly's hands undoing my hair, gently pulling the hair elastic out. I remember the feeling of her kissing me, like an electric shock wherever our skin touched.
    I immediately tear the elastic out of my hair, and undo the braid. It comes down in gentle waves, reaching past my shoulders. I brush through it, and glare at my reflection. I can still feel Everly's presence, like a ghost that haunts me. I pull up my sleeve and look down at the scar on my right arm. Everly is the only one that knows about the scar; she kissed it (multiple times) and just seeing it hurts. Everything hurts.
    I wash my face clean of any trace of Everly, but it's still not enough. She's still there, and I can't get rid of her. Then, an image of Everly pointing her wand at my chest enters my thoughts. She cast a sleeping spell on me so that she could fight the vampires alone. She betrayed me.
    I close my eyes, shutting out all thoughts of Everly. She doesn't deserve to have this much of an effect on me. I sigh and look over at my bag of makeup (I never wear makeup, but I still bought it for some reason). I search through the bag and pick out eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I carefully apply it, taking the time to make sure it looks decent. Once I'm done, I look in the mirror.
    I'm not wearing much makeup, but I already look so different. My eyes look darker and my lips look a bit brighter. I don't look anything like I usually do. Who's looking back at me in the mirror? Part of me wants to wash off all of the makeup and put my hair back up in its usual braid. The other part tells me not to. Everly's ghost can't reach me if I can't recognize myself.

                                                      Everly
    Brielle is already gone when I wake up. Of course she isn't. She probably doesn't want to see me ever again, and I would understand if that's how she feels. I just want her to tell me something. I just want to know if there's a possibility of her ever forgiving me. I want to know if we're breaking up. All I got last night was an 'I don't know.'
    Our relationship could be over. I might never be able to tell Brielle how much I love her. I won't be able to hold her when she's crying. I won't be able to run my fingers through her hair. Her beautiful smile won't be because of me; it'll be someone else who makes her laugh. I love everything about her, and I'm not ready to let her go. I never will be.
    I walk down to the dining hall alone, without Brielle beside me. It's as loud as it always is, but now, it's like I'm submerged in water, like I'm miles away from everything else. I find an empty table and take a seat. Thankfully, no one decides to sit at my table. That gives me the chance to be alone with my thoughts.
    I search for Brielle in the crowd, but have no luck finding her. Maybe she skipped breakfast. I doubt it.
    Once I'm done with my breakfast, I pick up my bag and make my way towards the double doors. I might as well go to my first class early if I'm ready, which I am. Of course, Brielle is in most of my classes, so I'll have to face her eventually. I just don't want to feel her glare and have to think about what I lost. I already know. My heart races, and my breathing becomes more shallow. I can't lose her. I can't.
    I stumble into the classroom, Miss Baker giving me a questioning look as I take my seat. "Good morning, Miss Baker," I say quickly, my voice shaking.
"Is everything alright, Everly?" she asks.
I nod, but nothing is okay. Everything is falling apart, and I can't stop thinking about Brielle. I can almost feel her lips on mine, the warmth of her hands touching me. I want to lean into her touch, and fall asleep in her arms. I want to kiss her until my lips are numb. But, I can't do that. Brielle would never let me, and I'm not going to go against her wishes.
    "Just let me know if you need anything," she says.
    I nod again. I just want Brielle back, but I have to do that myself. I have to gain her trust back, and try to make things right. I have to tell her how much I love her. No. I have to show her how much I love her. Words aren't enough; they never are when it comes to my love for Brielle.
    The rest of the class files in, and I try to drown out their voices. When Brielle walks in, my breath hitches.
    Her hair is down, shining in golden waves under the classroom lights. Her winged eyeliner makes her eyes seem darker—almost a forest green—and her lips seem very kissable (they always do). I'm suddenly reminded of a siren; with one song, they can lure you into the water and drown you. She looks beautiful like this—she looks beautiful no matter what she wears—but I think I prefer her more natural look. It's who she really is, but she looks beautiful anyway.
    She looks at me for a moment, questioningly, and I wonder what she's thinking. We watch each other for a few moments, like a challenge to see who will break first. I really want to cross the distance between us and kiss her on the lips. But, there are students here, and Brielle would never let me kiss her. Not now.
    "Attention please!" Miss Baker says.
    With great difficulty, I force myself to tear my eyes away from Brielle. My heart feels as if it could beat out of my chest. I hate and love how Brielle has this effect on me.
I pull out my notebook and a pencil, and wait for Miss Baker to start the lesson. We're learning the spell to read someone's mind.
Miss Baker writes the spell on the board, and half of the class groans. "Most of my classes like this spell," she says, shaking her head. "I think you will, too."
Sounds of pencil scratching against paper comes from around the room as students copy down the notes. Once everyone is done, Miss Baker continues the lesson.
"You're going to have to get with a partner," she says, and my stomach drops. Can't I just work alone? I could read my own mind. No, I couldn't; I don't understand my own thoughts.
"Alright, everyone!" Miss Baker says, tapping the whiteboard to get the class's attention. "Find your partner and begin."
I sigh, pushing my chair out. Everyone's already in pairs. I search the room for anyone who doesn't have a partner, wishing that I didn't have to do this. Working with partners is stupid, especially when you get to pick them. Everyone just finds their friends, leaving certain people—me—without anybody.
"Everly?"
I turn around at the familiar voice. Brielle. "Hi," I say, cursing myself for not being able to say anything better. Why am I so stupid?
"Hi," she says. "Do you have a partner yet?"
I shake my head. "Do you?"
"No. Do you want to be my partner?"
"Sure."
Brielle nods. "Let's get to work, then," she says.
    Part of me wants Brielle to read my thoughts. That might make explaining my actions last night a bit easier, but then, she might not even see those thoughts. She might see something that I don't want anyone to know. She could see something private, or see how broken I am. She could see how much I need her.
    "Do you want to go first, or should I?"
    "Can I read your thoughts first?"
    I hesitate for a moment before nodding. "Let's just get this over with."
    Brielle takes out her wand, and points it at me. "What's going on in your mind?"