Nini POV
"A girl? Our baby's a girl?" I choke out and the doctor looks at me. He nods and smiles. "She's being quite helpful too. Legs wide open as if she wanted you two to know." He says and I cry and laugh at the same time. Ricky's silent and I look over, slightly nervous that he's not excited. He's crying and smiling and he's looking right at me. "I'll give you two a second" the doctor tells us and I absentmindedly nod, maintaining eye contact with Ricky. When the doctor leaves I start to talk. "Do you... are you..." I try to get out and a tear from Ricky's eyes drops onto my face. Within a second Ricky's lips are against mine and his lips grasp mine carefully, our tears mixing together. "We're having a girl" he says when he pulls back. His voice is strained and his smile is bright as he tries to wipe furiously at his eyes. I laugh and wipe my own, trying to get a handle on my emotions. "A little Nini" he chokes out and it starts my tears again. "Oh my god she's going to be so much work." I say and he laughs, bringing his face close to mine, kissing all over my skin and brushing my hair back from my forehead. His lips touch my temple and he breathes in a shuddering breath. "Are you scared?" I ask him and he nods. "Terrified, baby." I'm a crying mess, and Ricky is too, but the second he brings his hands to cup my face, I calm down and I lean into him, just letting us enjoy this moment.
When the nurse comes back in, she helps me sit up and she tells me that she wants to start discussing my birth plan. "It's necessary that you discuss all of this with your midwife and your birth team, but it's also important that we direct you to what you need." I nod and Ricky reaches for my hand, sensing my nerves starting to go up. "However you intend to give birth, a variety of supplies will be needed. Your team will be equipped with that but how many people are you willing to have around you?" I think for a second. "Well I don't know? How many people do I need?" She smiles softly and begins to write. "It's common for two registered nurses or midwives to be in the room to help you. That way there's always one person attending to either you or the baby." I nod and squeeze Ricky's hand as I start to think about giving birth. "Will you be using an sort of pain medication or drug?" I shake my head. "Maybe if it gets bad enough, but I was really hoping for an entirely natural birth." The nurse nods. "Childbirth is difficult Mrs. Bowen, so it's best to have all of your resources and plans lined up." I nod and my heart begins to pound. Suddenly, the thought of a child coming out of my body begins to scare me. I feel nauseous and Ricky moves to get a better look at me. "Nins? Nini are you okay?" I look up at him, and he notices how pale I am. The nurse rushes out of chair to come by my side. "Sweetie, what can we get you?" She asks, and she begins to check my heart rate. "Baby? What's going on?" Ricky asks frantically and my breathing gets heavier and quicker as I just keep imagining having to push a baby out of me. I'm certain I'm on the verge of a panic attack but Ricky kneels in front of me, looking straight into my eyes. "You're okay. Breathe" he tells me without any further questioning. I reach out for his hands and he takes them, squeezing them at the pace that he wants me to breathe at. "Good baby, just a little more." He says as the nurse begins to nod as my heart rate comes down. When I'm back to normal, the nurse leaves to grab me water. "What happened?" he asks calmly, concerned laced through his voice. "I just started to imagine it coming out of me. And it made me want to throw up. How does that fit through my vagina?" I ask frantically, pointing to a poster of a baby. He puts his hands on my shoulders and nods. "Try not to think about it now baby, we're taking this one step at a time." He says and I nod. "One step at a time." He repeats, just as the nurse comes back with water. She hands me the cup and I thank her as she smiles softly. "Jitters about the birth?" She whispers as if its a secret between the two of us. I nod and she looks at me sympathetically. "It's 100% normal. You have to think about it, but only to a certain point. Keeping your nerves calm is the most important." She says and Ricky nods for me telling her that he's not leaving me alone with these thoughts. "Give it some time, and then go ahead and get started on the birth plans." She says and I nod again, reaching to down more of the water. I see the nurse pull Ricky aside and they talk quietly as I continue to focus on my breathing. When they're done talking, Ricky comes over to me. "When you're ready we can head home Nins." He tells me, pressing a firm kiss to my forehead and I nod. "Okay" I breathe out and I grip his hand as we leave the doctors office. "Everything's going to be okay, Nini I promise. You're not alone." He whispers as we walk, and I involuntarily bring my body closer to his. "Okay" I whisper back.
When we get home, we sit in the living room, Ricky leaning against my stomach and my hands threaded through his hair. "Hey there baby girl" he says up against my skin and I laugh. It's going to be a beautiful night.
