Hold My Hand

Chapter 7

Senior year passed by the slowest of them all. Having done the hardest classes in her junior year, Carmilla did not have much work to make up after she started going to classes again. In fact, less than half of her teachers noticed she was even gone.

With the extra time she had on her hands, she picked up shifts at Alchemy's. Between the seven hours of school each day and the extra shifts, she barely has enough time to talk to Laura each day other than when she visits her during her shift. Her body can barely handle all the running around, but she's adjusting. With every day she takes the same pace, she gets better and better at relaxing at the end of the day and feeling fulfilled from a hard day's work. Even if the moment of relaxation ends up being the few minutes when she does her bedtime routine.

Will became more present in her daily life after their talk, and he even told her to save part of her paycheck for herself. He had received a raise, and for once they weren't living paycheck to paycheck. All in all, life was pretty good.

It's February when Laura and Carmilla actually find time to hang out outside of school and work. Laura is wearing a cute yellow sweater, and Carmilla is... her usual reticent self. Or at least she is trying to be.

"Carm, this place is so cool!" Laura says excitedly, walking backward through the amusement park. I rush to grab her shoulder just before she walks right into a baby stroller. "Oops."

"Be careful, Cupcake. Some of us would like to leave this park alive," I say. Laura gives me that look. The look with that glint in her eyes that could almost be read flirtatiously. I don't want to risk giving myself hope, though, so I only entertain her for a second before I look off to the side and point at one of the street vendors.

"Hot chocolate?"

"You know me so well," Laura says as she grabs my hand and runs excitedly toward the vendor. I just barely manage to keep up. Honestly, my body isn't made for all this running around. I work well in an ice cream shop, but with Laura around and being the way that she is, my heart is already beating at twice the reasonable rate. If my bpm goes any higher, I may just die on the spot. Man, that would be so sad.

We reach the vendor, and somehow, by some sheer force of will or telepathy, Laura already ordered two Styrofoam cups of reasonably priced hot chocolate. Reasonably priced, in this case, means cheap watery. I catch my breath beside her as she squeezes my hand. I look down, confused.

"Why did you squeeze my hand?" I ask. The question catches her off guard, and I can practically see her walls being built right in front of me. I wish I could get past it. I squeeze her hand back to show her that I'm okay with it. Laura shrugs and looks at the ground briefly before meeting my eyes again.

"It's something I always did as a kid... when I was holding someone's hand. It's just a habit. A game," she says. I smile and squeeze again, hoping to show her my support.

"Thanks for telling me." I take a long sip of the hot cocoa and almost have half a mind to spit it back out. "Well, at least this was worth the price."

"What do you mean, Carm?" Laura gasps and clutches her hot chocolate to her chest protectively. I give her a sidelong glance and laugh.

"You can't tell me that this hot cocoa doesn't taste like someone just heated up a pot of water and whispered 'chocolate' into it." I take another sip. At least it can warm me up a little. It's not unbearably cold yet, but it will get a lot worse as the day goes on—damn northern hemisphere. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Laura take a sip with a strained look.

"It's- it's great. Delicious. Best I've ever had," Laura says, sounding like she was struggling to stomach the disappointment she found at the bottom of her cup of steaming brown water.

"Come on, let's go on some of the rides," I say, feeling triumphant, "you can choose." She smiles with her lips pressed to the side of her steaming cup. Her hair falls into her face, putting her in an awkward position with no free hand. I assumed she would let go of my hand, but instead, she tries to use her cup to push it back.

She could have easily let go of my hand to do it, but she didn't. The realization brings too many fluttery insects to my stomach. Before I can even think, I set my hot chocolate down and used my free hand to push her hair behind her ear. Laura looks at my hand and then at me. I'm frozen on the spot.

"Oh," I clear my throat, "I noticed you were struggling, and I didn't want you to burn yourself with the drink, and I had a free hand, so I thought..." I see a smile spread across her face. Immediately I relax. I thought I fucked it all up again.

"Thanks, Carmilla," Laura says and brushes her thumb across the back of my hand like she did in the park. My heart skips a beat, several beats. I may be dying for real this time. I'm so distracted by what just happened that it takes me a minute to process what she says next. "Let's ride the Ferris wheel!"

My heart drops like a stone into my stomach, filling it with dread. Ferris wheel? Like the circle? The rotating ring of death? 

Before I can speak, Laura is dragging me along. I don't think I will be able to say the same for me pretty soon. The Ferris wheel looms above us ominously like an omnipotent deity, becoming even larger and more threatening as we draw near. Being up that high isn't natural.

I look back at where we were standing and see our two Styrofoam cups sitting on the edge of the overflowing trashcan.

I don't know if I've ever been so desperate to drink disgusting chocolate water.