Random Writing/Works.

Just a vent

Alright hidy hoo lets get onto it.

I really, really need to let this out. I haven't been able to tell anyone this because I don't want to be a hindrance, or it'll just turn into an angry jokish thing so I honestly think this is the only way to atleast help me out a bit.

I have a friend that I've developed feelings for along, along time ago. The feelings go off and on, some times it being very very stronger than others for periods of time. But right now it's gotten to the point where I'm desperate for it to go away, cram it all away in some tiny place in my brain. It's working, actually, for most of the time. But some random points it stings.

My life isn't all bad. I have other amazing friends I'd rip my left arm off for anytime of the week, but I just want to stop having feelings for this guy. It sounds easy enough but it really isn't.

I just feel like the relationship is one sided most of the time, and I'll regret writing this because I usually tell myself it isn't true but it is. I want to be his friend, they're an amazing person and we joke around a lot in so many ways. But I know I'll just provoke those feelings again, so I try to stray away.

I don't know what to do. Whenever I see him with this other guy I don't get jealous, I get sad knowing I can't get something like that. I hopefully pray that after writing this I can get my head straight, but I'm struggling.

I feel so annoying when messaging him, and you cannot begin to feel when I'm with one of his friends. I always fuck up around him because my nerves get the better of me. He's emotionally draining. It's bad because he doesn't even feel the same way I do. I'm giving so much for someone who wouldn't dare to look the same way with me. I pray to meet someone like him, someone I can gain feelings for and not get ghosted as he replies to a groupchat but not my message.

God.

I feel so pathetic.

Idk what to do now 👁👄👁

I feel sad, so I'm gonna embrace that.