Sweet Fox- Carrhley

Fantasies...Where?

A single second, that's all it took. Not too much time had passed before his thoughts of Peter took a turn for the worst and his fear of uncertainty reached a new high peak, one that he didn't see coming and couldn't have been in any way, shape or form of having been prepared for it. His fantasies of love and the potential he saw in him were swept away and his dreams were crushed with a single sight. 

With the drunk Peter that stumbled in through the doors to the recording room, a clumsy gait, daring to fall at any given moment, there was no questioning how out of it he was. There wasn't even a slight chance he was in the same headspace as the others, long gone into his own world of booze and at the worst possibility drugs and not just any drugs, stronger than that of the ones he had already taken. That, was one of flaws of Peter, clawing into himself and at Ace's hopes of them ever being able to work things out. Even with the evidence in front of him, he still pushed back the underlying thought and growing doubt consuming his deepest desires. The same ones that wouldn't let him see the real side of things. He couldn't bear to, the overall seriousness of his problems were far too much for him to be able to come to terms with them. 

Instead of clearing his eyes to what was really happening, he let the driving voice in his head take over, watering down his perception of everything and most of all, distorting his image of the perfect potential partner. Being able to distinguish warning signs from mixed signals was a thing that never happened in Ace's life, and the red flags weren't apparent to him unless stated otherwise. Learning from the same thief he met and fell inevitably in love with once was enough to confirm his way of thinking. That was the thing with his yearning for love, it never seemed to know when to let someone go, even if deep down, a gut feeling thought otherwise. But that wouldn't stop Ace from believing anyone could become a better person, that's what he liked to believe anyway and Peter was no exception, even if right now he was being less than exceptional. 

Caught up in his own thoughts, a voice brought him back to what went on around him, utter chaos from none other than Paul yelling at them to get their act together or else. The annoyance in Ace sparked up, this wasn't the first time it happened, more like the billionth time it seemed. Something about Paul, it was overall unpleasant to Ace, maybe the sound of his raised voice yelling at them nonstop or his utter obsession to control everything, probably both. He wouldn't try fighting him about it though, one time he did it Paul wasn't having any of it and became even more controlling and trying it once was enough to figure he would stay on Paul's good side for now. Who knew what the bad side of him would bring out, he didn't want to know anyway, just the thought of it shuddered him to the core. Familiar with his usual shenanigans, they were already bad enough, he didn't need to see them reach another level. Being brought back into the mess that was his life, another surprise came at an unexpected but pleasant voice, one that didn't make Ace want to end it all right then and there. Peter, in his obvious state of haze, looked up at him and managed to get a word out to him before he succumbed further into his own funk that was his mind.

"Hey," he said and stopped there before he slurred the rest of his sentence. That was that, he stepped away and hid off in the distance behind the drumset, never to say anything else for the rest of the day, that was something learned from previous experiences with drunk Peter. Staring off into the distance, everyone was ready to get started, the clearly fed up Paul standing in the center of the room, his hands at his sides and giving them disapproving looks, ready to explode at any given moment.

"1-2-3- hit it!"

...

Things went according to plan for the most part, no mix ups or anything or even the most surprising of it all, no complaints. That was almost unheard of in the place, with Peter coming in frequently drunk to sessions along with Ace filling in the empty void in him with drugs, trying new ones to figure out the effects it had on him but their main use being for Ace to forget about how he would never find the right person, the one voice in his head bringing him down every chance it got. And it worked for the most part, he became numb to the world around him and his own thoughts, the destructive ones.

The others never caught grasp of their usage of such things, being quick to turn up their noses as the simple idea of taking drugs or drinking alcohol and that made things far more complicated than they needed to be. The four were being divided more by the day, problems arising from nowhere and daring to tear the bond they all had with one another. Not that it was a strong one to begin with. Arguments were a regular thing in the place, happening left and right, a single day without one was one anyone could only dream of having. 

Today was that magical day but nobody dared to count on it just yet. Paul's shocked face was enough to get the message through to the others and before they could continue, all of that was broken with a single complaint. Fuck, they had celebrated too early. The voice in the back of the room grew louder and without being able to see it coming, drumsticks flew through the air, going straight at the others. The loud smack of one of them hitting Gene square in the back was enough to sense where the situation was going. The other flung at Ace, striking his leg with full force. The dull pain spread throughout the impacted area, him grimacing and clenching his jaw shut to keep it together and not scream out. Drumsticks looked harmless but when hit by one, it hurt like a bitch, no doubts. He wouldn't be surprised if they were put on a list of most painful things to be struck with. His eyes wide at his actions, Paul's own narrowed down in disappointment, nothing fazed him anymore. That wasn't the end of it though, the room falling to a complete silence, Peter went on with what he did, not slowing down one bit. When given the chance, he would take it and he wasn't going to pass it up now that it had come.

"Fuck this shit! I'm quitting the band!"

His hand smashed down on the drum below him, the cracking of the drum head tearing loud and clear. He wasn't done, not a single chance. Yanking his hand out of the broken drum he snatched up the snare and threw it against the wall, one swing after the other, the crashing of it hitting against the wall echoing in the room. Tense air surrounded the entire scene, the unpredictable nature of Peter fueling the dark feeling Ace had deep inside. That was another flaw of his and having justified it with his distorted sense of perception, this was not one of those instances. 

The reality of his problem finally came out of the shadows and hit him without warning. He didn't react at all, his mind going blank of any sort of thoughts on what had happened. The only thing he could do was stare into the eyes of the Peter who he didn't know anymore. His real self was well hidden away and at that moment, he was nowhere to be found, the destructive version of him everyone had become used to showing its true colours. 

The longer he stared at him, the more the Peter he knew morphed into one he didn't recognize. He couldn't do it anymore and with that, Peter broke out of his frozen state and let go of the drum he had in hand, throwing it to the ground and stormed off out the door, his footsteps banging loud against the ground, fading away into the distance. Even with him gone, he wouldn't quit, that was how the cycle had always worked. It started with him threatening to quit the band and going through with it only to come back after a week or so. Despite the other's efforts to kick him out for real, there wasn't an end to the cycle. It only kept on repeating, no stop put to it in sight.