My Sweet Nothings

The suffering

Too much for the first title? Well, pardon me for that. Everyone is fighting the Corona Virus by staying indoors and since I am also one among the 'everyone' I also have been locked inside my home. However for someone who craves holiday this is the most awaited time of the year. I know it's hard to stay inside doing nothing but then this time we all HAVE to! So can't help. Anyways, the quarantine made me sit down and ventilate all my feelings even though sharing it to the world was not added.😉 I just wanted to write something that I went through personally, people who know me know everything so they may get bored but for others, please do bear with my poor command over the language and the n number of grammatical errors that the story may have. Enjoy the ride people! So here it goes....

14.12.2019

I was talking over my phone with my long distance boyfriend and he and I as usual fell asleep over the phone. I know it ain't really romantic but we couldn't help overcome the situation we both were at. Cold December nights made me curl up on my blanket and enjoy the feel that the next day was an off for me. A day off meant some 'me' time which would definitely include a long hot shower, grooving to some desi beats and bitch about everything under the sun with my roommate. Just thinking about all the possible things I would do on my off I closed my eyes and went to a deep slumber until it was 0400hrs.
I started coughing. I had been coughing since 3 months so it was not an unusual night for me. Coughing and waking up at odd hours and disturbing my clan had been my routine. I was coughing but was still sleepy like hell, I could hardly open my eyes. My poor poor bladder was crying out loud so, I got up because I had to void.
I tried to get up but I couldn't. My eyes popped out of its socket, it seemed, I was not able to breathe. I was gasping for air and I held my chest. I thought I broke the left side of my ribs because the pain was so intense. I tried putting enough pressure on my left chest to numb the pain but I couldn't and again my bladder seemed to disobey me. I wanted to pee real bad but I could not get up from my bed. I somehow managed to get up and head to the washroom.
I sat on the commode and tried to relax but I couldn't. I was still gasping for air. At that moment I could feel what a dying man gasping his last breath would have felt but I didn't want to die inside the washroom. Also because my roommate was sleeping and she knew nothing about it.
So many things were rushing through my mind along with my struggle to numb the piercing pain I had in my chest. I was gasping for each breath that I took. With every gush of air inside my lungs I was crying. I for the first time cried to breathe in my entire life.
I spent almost half hour crying and trying to understand why the hell was my chest aching like I had mini heart attacks after every breath. My mind wanted to show me what this possibly might be but I tried to push away those thoughts because how could that be! I was a fighter and what I thought would never happen to me because I was running errands, doing the decorations for the much awaited Xmas party. I was having fun with the decorations, I was ready to teach the Carols, I wanted to make cookies and cakes, decorate the tree and the crib. How could anything go wrong. Everything was fine. Time and again many thoughts went through my mind but I could not make out anything. I wanted to call for help but when I looked the happy soul that lay beside me, my roommate I thought I should not disturb her.
After analyzing everything, I came to a safe conclusion that most probably I slept in a wrong posture so I landed up with this acute pain. I tried to turn to the unaffected side and sleep but sleep was far far away that night. It was morning I guess, yeah! So I could not close my eyes. I prayed everything be ok.

15.12.2019

I skipped my breakfast and with great difficulty got up to take a bath. My long hot shower seemed like a tedious job now so instead I took a quick shower and came out.
Suddenly my body was giving way. I could not stand, I was coughing continuously and never felt like eating anything. I just wanted to sit and sun bathe for awhile now.
I skipped the lunch as well and also the decor sessions with my colleagues. They phoned me and now I didn't even want to speak to anybody. People got a little worried with my absence from the daily activities and came to check me out.
They offered all possible care to me and I did not decline it. I happily accepted their concern, criticisms and the stupid non veg jokes, after all what are friends for.
I felt much better that day however decided on sending my fasting samples the next day to check whether all my blood counts were fine. My cough was creating a scene now. Everyone was worried and so was I. I thought let's put an end to all the stupid queries I had on my mind.