The Guy She Noticed (Montejero Series #1)

Kabanata 31

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We were back to sitting quietly. Nakatingin lang ako sa mga bulaklak na nasa harapan ko. This should make me feel better— the view, the fragrance, pero bakit tila ang hirap maging okay dahil sa kalagayan ko ngayon?

"You said you like me, but what happened? May nagawa ba akong mali na hindi mo nagustuhan? Why are we like this now?" Ramdam na ramdam ko ang sakit sa bawat tanong na sinabi ni Liam. Malamlam ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa kawalan.

What would I tell him? I can't tell him my reasons, that's for sure. Ayokong sisihin niya ang sarili niya o ang kalagayahan niya. Ayokong maging selfish. Ayokong maipit siya sa mga bagay bagay dahil lang sa nararamdaman niya sa akin. I can do this even without letting him know my true reasons.

"Things happened." Sagot ko sabay iwas ng tingin. Ang hirap mangapa ng mga salita na pwedeng isagot sa kaniya.

"Perhaps, Japeth happened."

My eyes widened as I turned my gaze at him. Hindi pa rin siya nakatingin sa akin kundi sa mga bulaklak na nasa harapan din niya. Sa kabila ng pagkagulat ko dahil sa sinabi niya, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na hindi siya pakatitigin. Mababakas ang sakit sa mukha niya, bakas doon ang galit, ang lungkot. It pains me seeing him like this.

I bit my lower lip.

"I can't blame you though," he laughed bitterly. "I know you knew each other for so long. You'd been paired with him even before."

To say I'm shocked was an understatement. Liam surely knows a lot about me more than I expected. Alam ko na alam naman 'yon ng iba ngunit hindi ko lang naisip na maski siya ay alam din ang mga bagay na 'yon. Kasabay ng munting saya na naramdaman ko ay ang kirot, kirot dahil sa katotohanan na lahat ng ito ay mababalewala na.

"Kaso akala ko nagkalaban ako. I had my chance and I grabbed that to make you know and feel what I'm feeling towards you. Siguro masyado akong naging mabilis, but that's only because I had been waiting for that chance for too long. And I really thought, maybe somehow I'm doing good, I thought we're doing good..." Isang mapait na tawa muli ang pinakawalan niya. "Pero mukhang sa umpisa pa lang naman pala talo na ako."

Inalis ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil pakiramdam ko ano mang oras ay tutulo na ang mga luha ko. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na mali siya ng iniisip. Gusto kong ipaliwanag sa kaniya ang side ko. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na kailangan ko lang gawin ito dahil sa kagustuhan kong protektahan siya at ang pamilya niya. Ngunit may isang parte sa akin na nagsasabi na mas mabuti na ganito na lang ang isipin niya. Sa ganitong paraan ay mas madali niya akong makakalimutan.

But it hurts. A lot.

"You like him, too, aren't you?"

I looked at him and finally, he looked back. He smiled bitterly at me.

I want to say no, I want to tell him that he's the only one I like. I want to hold his hand and never ever let it go. But I can't, I shouldn't.

"What can I say? Hmm... Wala, e. Sobrang bagay kayong dalawa. Your family..." He paused for a while and that made me cry. I knew what was he thinking. I slightly shook my head. "Your family and his family get along really well, as far as I know. They will surely support you if you will end up with him. Everyone will surely support the two of you, don't you think so? And Japeth is a good man. You two will be a good tandem."

I can only imagine how painful it is talking about these things with someone you love. Liam was so selfless that during times like this, I started to hate it.

"I'm sorry," tanging nasabi ko. Patawad kasi ang duwag ko para sabihin sa kaniya yung mga dahilan ko. Patawad kasi kahit gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na siya yung gusto ko, na wala akong pake sa sasabihin ng mga tao sa akin, hindi ko pa rin magawa. Kasi ako tanggap ko kung ano man ang sabihin ng iba sa akin, pero hindi ko yata matatanggap kung sila ang malalagay sa ganoong sitwasyon ng dahil sa akin. Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. Seeing him like this is breaking me as well.

"Don't be sorry. I only wish you happiness and if being with him will make you happy, then I would gladly accept it."

No, Liam. No., all I can uttered inside my head.

"But did you really like me? Were you really happy with the times we were together?"

With my eyes already sweating, I still managed to answer him. "Yes," halos namamaos na sagot ko.

"I would be contented with that. I'm glad that you did." He looked away, as if not letting me see something in his face. "But do you really like him?"

I didn't answer. Saying no would make the situation even more messy, but saying yes would be too much. Liam doesn't deserve this.

"I guess I don't need to know your answer to figure that out. I just want to thank you for all our memories, Chastine. Don't worry, you don't have to deal with me anymore." Right after he uttered those words, he left.

And I was left there broken and devastated. I didn't know protecting someone would hurt this bad.

But for his family, for Liam... I will endure it.

Why do we even have to be in this complicated situations?