Flowers Are My Feelings

7

The next few days, none of his friends talked to him.

Junho couldn't blame them either. It was better they pushed him away already in the beginning.

He emptied his room the first day, the knowledge that Eunsang wasn't there alone made his attacks worser. His body shook violently as he coughed flowers, full grown daisies with petals and blood.

At least he was thankful Eunsang wasn't home.

Junho couldn't blame them for being quiet. He betrayed their trust and was going to leave without even bothering to tell them.

He deserved this.

The lonely daisy on the floor stared back at him. At least now, only he would know what those flowers meant.

He used to love daisies. Maybe he still did.

~~

An empty feeling blossomed as he watched his now empty room.

Eunsang still hadn't come back and he wouldn't bother the younger either.

I'm sorry, Sangie. We are best friends in an eternity...

The silence suddenly felt to suffocating. Yeah friends. That's what they would always be and nothing more.

He knew his friends loved him, just not the way he needed them to. Junho smiled sadly.

In the end, all of this would be worth it.

Suddenly, the door opened and he met Eunsang's tear sprained face. Without a word, the younger stepped forwards, pulling the shocked Junho into a bone crushing hug. The other yelped as he lost his balance, causing him to fall down on the floor with the red haired boy on top of him.

"Wha-a-" His words cut off as he felt warm wetness spread on his shoulder. Eunsang let out a sob, tightening his grip around the smaller.

"Sangie?" The silence settled as Eunsang's sobs echoed through the dorm. Junho sighed quietly, closing his eyes as he patted the younger on the head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never noticed, I-I'm so s-sorry I never h-helped." Eunsang looked up at him, eyes swollen.

This is your fault.

He wanted them to shut up. Leave him alone, leave his head. The silence never reached his head anyways, thoughts always swarming around to weight him down.

"Oh, Sangie." He swallowed, smiling sadly.

"It was never your fault you know? It's my fault I never told you guys. I'm sure.." A deep breath as he wiped away a tear from Eunsang's cheek.

"I'm sure most of you hate me for never telling you. It must've betrayed your trust." The younger ducked his head down and he knew he was right.

Eunsang's sobs went over to hiccups, the taller moving away from him before sitting down across him, facing his friend with a sad smile. "I was just...so angry and betrayed first. I'm sorry."

The redhead looked tired as he took Junho's hand. The brunette swallowed, feeling the flowers tickle in his throat. "I realized that we neglected you when you were going to leave. Hell, we don't even know when we will meet again."

What if I told you we won't ever meet again?

Bittersweet truth. That was all it was.

He couldn't bear telling them. Maybe it had been better if Eunsang stayed away because now his heart hurt and Junho didn't want to have an attack in front of his best friend.