To Keep You

Chapter Twelve: Anew-

A/N: you can never have too many gifs of Dyl O'Brien. Also I hope this chapter is okay I don't have this laptop for long so I had to quickly update!

      "Where have you been?" I whispered into the darkness of my bedroom. It had to be about two in the morning by now. I'd been laying wide awake in bed since midnight, waiting for the feeling. The feeling that always came with the presence of Parker.

      I could sense him sitting by my bed now. I squinted until I could just about see the top of his hair in front of me. I was on my side, facing towards the rest of my room and Parker seemed to be on the floor, propped up against the side of my bed with his back to me.

      He said, "I died a year ago this month."

      There was a lump in my throat as I replied, "You've been gone for a whole week," choosing to ignore his previous acknowledgement. I wasn't sure I was up to tackling that subject tonight. "Where did you go?"

      "To the mall." His voice slipping into the kind of voice that usually accompanied tears. "To the roof. I saw you there." He whispered. "Then you were gone."

      "What are you talking about?"

      "It's nothing." He said. "Ignore me." But I couldn't this time, because what he'd said sounded strangely familiar to a dream I'd suffered through recently. I wasn't myself in the dream, I didn't know who I was but it wasn't Parker that fell over the roof...it was me. It wasn't an accident. I'd fallen with the intention to do so.

      It was a dream that, while inside it, I felt completely calm but absolutely terrified once I awoke; heart thumping in my chest and my breathing out of control.

      It was a dream that made absolutely no sense.

      "How have you been?" he asked. I listened as his breathing deepened to the point where I could hear each inhale and exhale. "You were out of reach for a while."

      I opened my mouth to reply but paused at the sudden emptiness of my room. I sat upright, narrowing my eyes as I searched desperately through the darkness to see if Parker was still there.

      "Parker?" I whispered, slightly panicked. There was no reply. I knew he was gone. What I didn't know, was when he would be coming back.

      Connor had been incessantly trying to start up a conversation throughout lunch the next day. It was a Friday, first week of December. My conversation with Parker last night had left me with a bleak outlook on everything. Even the sky looked darker, despite how bright the day was.

      Nothing seemed to cheer me up. Not even Connor's smile or his voice, or the feel of his fingers as they ruffled my hair and tried to catch my attention. I was too distracted by how Parker had sounded. Lost and afraid, out of reach.

      It's almost time, he had said a while back. Almost couldn't be here already, could it? He couldn't be leaving, slowly removing himself from my life, letting me adjust to getting through the days without him. It didn't seem possible any more. It didn't feel right.

      Connor dragged me back by the shoulders until I landed onto the patch of grass beside him. He propped himself up on his elbow, leaning over me. "Are you okay?" he asked, brows furrowed.

      I looked away, licked my lips, and chased out the darkness in my chest with a deep sigh.

      I wanted to tell him I was fine but the words refused to touch my lips. I'd lied to enough people, I didn't want to make Connor one of them. So, the words were replaced with, "You know that feeling when you're listening to a sad song? It's this feeling in your chest, like a weight."