Finding That One Piece

Who's Your Favourite Underachiever?

During the course of my life, I have f things up big time. If I had to describe what stuff I may have done, then play 'Good For You' from Dear Evan Hansen will do the trick. And I think you all can relate to that song one way or another, whether you "found the place where the grass was greener", nothing "crossed your mind to be slightly sorry" or anything like that. 

I would happily class myself as an "underachiever" when it comes to making friends but an "overachiever" in fucking it all up- that was not supposed to come out in that way. There's proof that I am also an "underachiever" in comedy. 

Anyway, what is an underachiever? According to the Cambridge dictionary, underachiever means "someone who is less successful than they should be at school or at work" and overachiever means the opposite.

In this chapter, I will be discussing my flaws! Negative chapter!
However, I will write what I do so I gradually get better at that thing by a list! An in-depth list.

First flaw is ANGER AND TEMPER. I may not seem it but I am a very temperamental person. I hate waiting. Hate being told what to do. Hate being underestimated. I hate--you get the idea.
Whenever anything ticks me off, I would explode into a ball of rage- kinda.
But I tend to keep it in as I don't want to be a foul-mouthed, hot-headed, arrogant piece of crap.
However, the consequences are me crying for hours upon end. Sometimes, I would just get angry for "being weak" (says my mindset) or just simply being "helpless".

I want to be that bold person who everyone can look up to and say "Whoa, she is like a superhero!" or "she saved my day!" but I know I can be that. But not in the way I cope with my problems.
Which brings us upon my next flaw!

HOW I HANDLE MY PROBLEMS!
If I had a TripAdvisor rating based on me solving my problems then I would barely make it to two stars: I am gradually getting there but not good enough for my liking.
I would tend to get frustrated if I ended up with real-life problems I have to face.

So the way I should [and have been recommended to] cope with them is think of your idol and think "What would [insert name here] do in this situation?" and try to act like them.

This does work - if you have a good idol, that is.

I idolised Lady Macbeth for a bit (still do but not as much) and I came up with a solution of scrubbing my hands with endless soap and sob during the process.
But now I go like, "What would Daisy Ridley do in this situation?" and I feel like she would face it head on with a bold smile on her face.

Next up is my AMBITION.

As the previous point stated, I am like Lady Macbeth. I am hungry for ambition or genuinely hungry, I dunno. But I would follow that ambition and show the world it. I have a lot of it but I would also say I have too much. I tend to get carried away with it and I would do anything to get to where I want to be (unlike Lady Macbeth, I wouldn't plot my loved one to commit mass regicide).
I want that ambition. I need it so I can continue my life as normal people would. But sometimes, I have too much.

"Summarise ambition for me please?" says some English teacher who maybe lecturing their students on something like 'Hamlet' or 'Hamilton'.
Then one hand slowly raises from the fifth row of the class and answers "H.L GOOD'S FATAL FLAW!"

NO. DO NOT SAY THAT IN CLASS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. DO NOT SAY THAT. PLEASE.

I do not want to get into trouble by parents and teachers across the globe, thank you very much.

PRIDE is another flaw of mine. Pride comes in different ways and mine comes in "determination" and "gay pride". As my friends know and probably you as well, I am a lesbian but I sometimes tend to over-express it. But do I look bothered?
Not really.
But it does when I may have fucked up a friendship of mine (P.S: We are fine now).
I have an LGBTQ+ flag in my bedroom along with some Pandora lesbian earrings which are so beautiful and Pride colour earrings too.
But I do not want to flaunt it off too much, just in case I get mixed with the wrong people.
Yee.

ANXIETY is my prime flaw. And for those who rarely goes through it:

IT SUCKS.

You want to make new friends? Anxiety says no.
You want to become an actress and present yourself on stage and it goes well but you face a camera and rehearse your lines? Anxiety says no.
You really want to speak your mind? Anxiety. Says. No.

I battle with it everyday and it is the main reason I have these flaws. All of those bring me into the world of underachievement and let's just say that I have said "Hello" to a lot of people down here.

However, people who don't understand me think I am just being rude and ignoring them.

Well... Yes. But actually no.

I would ignore you if you say something unsatisfactory to me or something among those lines. But I don't mean to do it if you are being kind.

I would tell you peeps that in person but ANXIETY SAYS NO.
But I am getting there.

So, lesson for today is that it's okay if you are an underachiever or an overachiever. Everyone has flaws - some may relate to me, some may not; I dunno, I'm not you. And even if you are going through a battle with anxiety, at least I can meet you half way.