Him

Chapter One

A deer running out in front of my car brings me back to reality. I forgot how the scenic route has so much wildlife. The forest has since grown up and I find it hard to recognize the scenery around me. I've been gone to the city for so long I forgot how beautiful the countryside is.
If only I were coming home under different circumstances. I've been gone away at college then settling in to my first job for the past six years. I haven't made time to come home much because I've been so consumed in my own life to care about anyone else's.
I'm so angry with myself. If I would have come home more often, would he still be alive? Would I have been there when he took his last breath?
As tears flow down my face, I remember how much fun I had with him as a child. How much he taught me. Even though he was a single parent and it was him and I against the world, he was the best father anyone could ever ask for.
I am still driving the 1967 Shelby Mustang GT500 we rebuilt together while I was in High School, Junior High, and part of Elementary. I got a lot of head turns in college but my coworkers make fun of me when I pull it out for the summer. I remember rushing home from school every day just to work on it with my dad. I didn't think we were ever going to finish it until he surprised me with it, freshly painted and in all its glory as my graduation present.

As I pull into his driveway there are cars lined up on each side of the road, as I get closer to his house, it hits me. My father will not be greeting me when I get out of my vehicle. He will not have that ridiculous smirk on his face when I pull up in the mustang. He loved this car and he loved that I still drove it.
I flip down the visor and check my makeup before opening my door. I dap under my eyes to fix my runny eyeliner, throw on some lip gloss, and toss my hair back in a low ponytail. I take a deep breath and get out of my car.
I pull down my black dress to try and release some of the wrinkles from sitting, forever it seemed like. I look up to notice there are a lot of people here. My father was very well-liked so I can only smile knowing they are all here to pay their respects. My heart sinks as I walk closer to his house.
A row of classic cars is parked on the lawn. My father loved classic cars. He would search the countryside for one and restore it. It was his passion. He even opened up a tiny shop just outside of town to devote his time to those rust buckets. He always said, "why should they sit and rust?" He looked at life so differently than most. He took the bad and saw the good, he took the old and saw the new, he took the lost and made them found.

As I walk further up the driveway I can hear the chatter of my father's friends and my family as they converse with one another about their lives. I see a group of men all wearing the same shirts. They are gray collared shirts with short sleeves. There is red, white, and black writing on the back. Rob's Classic Restoration it reads. My dad's shop. Are they all his workers? I do not remember there being this many when I left for college. All I remember is him, Ernie, my uncle Dave, and a couple of others that would come by and help from time to time. Now, there is at least twenty or so. I've missed a lot being away.

"Allison!" I hear as my aunt rushes over to hug me.
I smile and say "Hey."
"How was the drive?" She asks sympathetically.
"It was good. Long but good." I reply. "Thank you so much for putting all this together."
"No problem, sweetie. That is what I am here for." She says with delight.

My aunt is quite the social butterfly and is always first to put on a social gathering or funeral in this case. I head over and sit down, I can feel everyone staring at me as if I were a celebrity. As the pastor starts to talk about the wonderful characteristics of my father, I cannot help but drift off into memories of my favorite times with him. We did everything together. We fished, hunted, went camping. He taught me how to ride a bike, drive a car, change my own oil, and even beat up on boys.
My father was all I needed and he never made me miss not having a mom.

Not paying any attention to the eulogy as I am off in la-la land reminiscing over years of memories with my father. I cannot help but smile.

"Allison." My aunt says and brings me back to reality. "We need to go over your father's will, sometime this week. When you're ready" This week? I wasn't planning to stay here too long. I needed to get back to the city.

I give her a smile and a nod as I walk behind my father's house to my old swing set. I grab hold of one of the rusty swings and think about how it is something my father never restored. I giggle lightly and sit down on one of the old and worn out swings.
I am not ready, I'm not ready to deal with what comes next. I'm not ready for a world without my father.

In my father's house, people are consuming delightful little sandwiches and other finger foods. A basket full of cards is spilling out over a table near the fireplace and flowers are littering the living room. So many people I do not know, or remember. They all give their kind words and condolences about my father. It's hard to strike up a conversation so I simply say thank you and give a slight smile.

I sit down on the bay window as I watch as people slowly trickle out to leave. I can hear my aunt being the hostess with the mostest as she always is. What am I going to do? I no longer have a father. Who will I call with my problems? Who will give me the worst advice ever on men and dating? Who will I call when I have a vehicle issue and I cannot diagnose it myself?

"Alicat!" I hear in a gruff rumble. I turn around to see my dad's best friend Ernie. I jump up in excitement and wrap my arms around this husky fellow I have known all my life. He hasn't changed a wink, only some more gray hairs.
"Hey, ya old fart. How the hell are you?" I say while laughing.
"Oh, you know the best that can be expected with all that is going on." He says softly.
I look down at the ground knowing I shouldn't be so excited right now but I haven't seen the man in six years.
"Ya, it's a sad day. Thank you so much for being here. My father would be grateful." I exclaim.
He gives me a hug again then asks me about my job and life in the big city. He goes on to tell me he still cannot believe I have grown up now and not that little tomboy he remembers always hanging around learning about cars. I smile as he brings back more happy memories from my childhood.

I was quite the tomboy I will admit. Always in holey jeans and a ratty old t-shirt, with grease on my face and in my hair. I hated I was a girl because I got made fun of for being more interested in boy stuff then girl stuff. You'd never see me caught dead in a dress, that's for sure. Yet, here I am dressed as if I were headed to litigate in the courtroom.

A lot has changed in six years that is for sure. I became a woman and can honestly say I haven't worked under the hood of a vehicle and got dirty in a long time.
"Maybe, tomorrow I will come by the shop and see what you guys got going on. Get my hands dirty!" I say to ease the mood.
"We would love that. It's great to see you, Ali." He says before hugging me again, kissing me on the top of my head, and heading out the door.

I start to pick up plates and cups as more guests continue to leave. It's not as messy as I would think it would be so it does not take me long. My aunt and uncle walk up as the last guest and family member has left.
"Are you okay here tonight?" My uncle says. "You know your welcome to come to stay with us." My aunt chimes in. "No, thank you. I am just fine staying here." I reply with a smile.
Am I fine? Am I okay to stay in my childhood home where my father won't be walking through the front door after a day full of restoring old yeller.

I hug my aunt and uncle and watch as they get into their vehicle and drive away. I turn and walk into the livingroom perusing through all of my dad's knickknacks and collectibles. I know tomorrow and the rest of this week will be going over my father's will.

Maybe, I should take a shower, get this makeup off and out of this dress. I head to the bathroom and pass a large photo in the hallway. It's new, I don't remember seeing it before. It's a large frame with smaller pictures inside of it. The center picture is a little larger than the rest. Each photo is of my father and me through the restoration process of my mustang. From the day we found it out in bum fuck Egypt to the day he gave it to me fully restored on the day of my High School graduation.
The smiles on our faces are so contagious I can't help but smile myself. I glance away to continue to the bathroom.

I turn on the shower, grab a few towels, and unzip my dress. I step into the shower, as the hot water hits my body I lose it. I burst into loud sobs as I slowly sit down, hugging my legs close to my chest while rocking back and forth. My dad is gone, he's really gone.