The Balcony

a difficult conversation

He walked with quick steps in the direction where she had disappeared and it didn't take long to realize that she was headed for the beach. She then disappeared in one of the bathing machines and Sidney had to stop himself from following her there. He went back to Trafalgar House. There Tom nagged him again that he wouldn't help him enough and accused him of only taking advantage of their business partnership. Tom just wished that Sidney would be in Sanditon more often and longer to support him and help him find newer ways of entertainment.

Just a week ago he would have clenched his teeth, cursed inside, and returned to London a day later. But since a few days, this girl has been haunting his mind......rather this woman. She was definitely a woman, there was no doubt about it. And although there was a huge misunderstanding between them, which he would try to clear up as soon as possible, it would be a pity to let the opportunity pass by, to get more of her. He closed his eyes briefly to gather himself and then said to his brother,

"Tom, I'm sorry if I made you think I wasn't interested. Of course I am, and of course I'll stay a few more days."
"That's splendid, splendid," cried Tom and slapped his brother proudly on the shoulder.
"I just have to go to London to arrange a few things..."
"Of course, of course." Tom nodded enthusiastically.
"You can stay at the hotel, of course, but Mary and I would be delighted if you came to live with us."

At the thought that he might see more of Miss Heywood and get to know her better, he nodded smilingly and then said goodbye to Tom to get things startedAs he had had left the house, he saw Miss Heywood strolling up to the house. Her wet hair lay on her back and made her neck look even longer. She greeted Mr. Samuels kindly and she smiled to herself. Sidney took a deep breath once and then went in her direction when she began to look for something in her bag.
Completely absorbed in her work, she passed him without even noticing him.

Sidney had stopped to greet her, but looked at her in astonishment. Had she deliberately avoided him or had she really been so captivated by the things in her bag? Deep in his thoughts, he wanted to follow her, but left it at that and went to the hotel.

Later he walked the streets with Babington and Crow, explaining to them what new buildings were to be built there, he saw Miss Heywood standing on the construction ladder. She was still holding young Mr Stringer's hand, smiling and talking to him before climbing all the way down. Her backside looked very well, he wanted to rush to her side.
His heart was beating so loudly, probably with excitement, that she might fall down, but for a young lady in a long dress she climbed down in an irritatingly elegant way, without faltering.
He couldn't help but look in her direction again and again as she looked at any plans with Mr Stringer, and while he was supposed to be listening to his brother chatting him up with a lunch at Lady Denham's.

"Miss Heywood is coming too, it'll be a great........." more Sidney couldn't hear any more, for his heart began to pound loudly again, and there was suddenly such a murmur in his head. What was the matter with him? He had the strange feeling, deep down he knew what this feelings meant. When Tom finished and returned to Mr Stringer, he waited for Miss Heywood and stoped her when she tried to pass him.

"Miss Heywood, may I have a word?"
Surprised, she looked at him with this little furrow between her eyebrows. He couldn't help himself, he found her simply enchanting. If she thought her look was intimidating, he had to disappoint her, she was just too sweet.

"I think there really has been a misunderstanding between us."
Now she raised her eyebrows up in this way, as if to say ironically 'really?'

"I, erm...I didn't do it for Tom. I really...enjoyed the time with you."

"Oh really?" she asked in a surprised tone, he found it a little too ironic.
"Yes, I..." he smiled as she cheekily interrupted him,
"it didn't seem like that." That was a downright lie and it seemed as if they were both fully aware of it.
"Miss Heywood," he began in a soothing tone.
"I know from your brother that you are moving to Trafalgar House, that's fine, of course. That's where you belong. I will certainly behave myself and treat you with the politeness our acquaintance deserve."

Oh boy! She was really a tough nut to crack, how could he make her know that there was a misunderstanding? It was almost as if she wanted to misunderstand him.

"Miss Heywood, really!"
"I know you think to badly of me, and I will avoid you as far as I can. I promise." 

Her voice was trembling, her eyes were wide and she looked at him pleadingly and Sidney really didn't know what to think about it anymore.

"What makes you think I could think badly of you?"
"I know you think badly of me and are disappointed because of our conversation at the party", embarrassed she bit on her lip, which distracted him for a moment and made him stare at her mouth.
"Regarding Sir Denham. Had I known he was your friend..."

"I am disappointed... by him. I don't think badly of you," he said with a serious expression and walked a step closer to her.
"But...but you don't think of me at all." 

she flinched as if the words had slipped away from her by mistake, she blushed and turned her head embarrassed to the side and started somewhere in the distance.

„You don't care, what I think or how I feel." she whispered.
What was she talking about?
„I do care." a lot, he knew in this very moment. And that murmur in his head was back.
„But when you really care, why were you leaveing so abruptly, and... with this....." she pointed on his face „.....disappointed look. And you didn't say anything in the salon afterwards." 

Oh he had hurt her there, he knew it!

Surprised at the turn of events in this conversation, he couldn't do anything, he just kept nothing but silence. He drank her in. She was so grown up and honest. With her he could always be sure that she always told him honestly what she thought and thought of him. With the chaos in him, and the knowledge that slowly penetrated him, he looked at her skeptically. But she misinterpreted his expression.

„And now I offended and hurt you, I am sorry." 

She looked down. Did she really care what he was feeling? The sudden warmth which run through him, let him shake his head. There was someone who cared for him? This could not be true!

„Miss Heywood." he could barely speak.
„Mr. Parker. Good day." she didn't glanced at him again and rushed away. 

What was happening here? He starred taken aback her leaving, but couldn't move.

„Shit!" he hissed.