Forever Rain ~ Namseok / Namhope

though

Present day ...

Exactly ten years ago today, Hoseok and Namjoon had finally gotten together as one happy couple. Three years ago today, however, Hoseok had left him. A miracle didn't save those people in from that neighborhood in Gwangju, so no miracle would save their relationship either.

The elder had been depressed beyond help, and Namjoon there was nothing Namjoon could do. Hoseok wouldn't even talk to him, much less some therapist the younger tried to sign him up for. Namjoon still wished him well, despite the older's horrible choice to leave his world.

Namjoon was 24. It was his birthday, and the third year in a row that he had celebrated his birthday alone. He didn't invite any of his friends. In fact, he knew he didn't even have friends anymore. He'd shunned them all, telling them to leave him alone. So, he was now truly alone.

He still remembered crying hard for those first few months ... so hard that he had to replenish his system with water nearly ever hour. The pain of Hoseok's loss had gradually faded into a dull throb in his chest. It was a constant ache, always there, always reminding him.

Some days were absolutely terrible, but he'd gotten through them. How he managed, he didn't really know. Hoseok was his soulmate, and they were destined for greatness. They both knew. Three years, and Namjoon still didn't know why Hoseok had left him.

Was he not enough? Had he ever been enough? If that was the case, when did he stop being enough? Why had he stopped being enough? Did the elder leave him because he wasn't worthy anymore? Namjoon had tried so hard to help his boyfriend during those last few days together.

Namjoon had thought that the elder would eventually teach himself to slowly leave his cage of grief. For the sake of Hoseok, not once did he drop that fake and cheerful smile that he'd put on just for his lover. No, he did not try to pretend everything was okay. Instead, he sat next to the male and told him about their stories and adventures.

Yet, he hadn't been able to get a single word out of his boyfriend. It was Hoseok's silence that screamed at him and had driven him to tears every night. It was failure. His silence was failure. At some points, he even thought he would go mad ... if he wasn't already insane.

It hurt him that Hoseok hadn't accepted a thing he tried to offer him. He had been trying, so why had Hoseok reacted so poorly? What had the elder wanted from him? Looking back, if he knew that if his boyfriend had asked for the very sun, he would have reached into the sky, ignoring the burning pain, just to see his sunshine smile again ... even if it was just once. Just once.

Humans weren't straightforward like math. Math had formulas, like instruction books. There was a way to solve the equation, and there was always a correct answer, if not multiple answers, but those problems were different from solving humans. Humans were jigsaw puzzles with missing pieces. Pieces that you had to find ... but you didn't know where any of them were hidden.