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Chapter Nine

9.

"As bad as you thought?"

Edward looks up from where he's sitting in the longue, back propped up against the wall. It means he can watch everyone around him and also be able to make a quick exist if need be, "Pretty much".

Adam takes a seat next to him on the floor and stretches out his legs, "It always a bit weird and awkward the first few times."

"That from experience?"

Adam grins, "Pretty much, yeah. I'm also very observant".

"And cocky", Edward replies and straightens his hands out, examining how much they shake. Still a lot.

At that Adam laughs, "Got to be, to survive in a place like that. My life may be a mess but at least I know what I'm good at. And one of those things just happen to be observing others".

Edward looks at him and shakes his head. They sit in silence for a while. It's nice. He likes that Adam doesn't feel the need to speak all the time and fill every part of the silence. It peaceful and relaxes Edward. Something he needs more of in his life. Adam makes some comments every so often. About the man who always moans about the TV channel, or the nurse who keeps coming in to check on them, or the boy who just sits and stares into the distance, never blinking. Edward nods or hums in reply. He likes Adam, he really does, but he's not ready for conversation yet. He's only been here a few weeks, and Adam seems to have been here for much longer than that. He's used to this white prison. Edward is not. After a while, Adam gets bored and says he's off to spoon a cigarette off someone.

"There's a no smoking rule, you know".

"Ah, but you forget, I know the ins and out of this place," Adam replies, standing up and stretching.

"Who are you getting it off of?" Edward asks, the clogs whirling in his brain.

Adam gives half a smile, "Oh just someone I know, he can get almost anything. Once smuggled in some hair gel for Ben."

'Anything?" Edward asks, sitting up straighter and pressing his hands together.

"Yeah, almost," Adam replies, raising his eyebrow, "But you don't need anything like that, do you Edward?"

Edward nods quickly, "yeah, yeah."

Adam grins once more, and turns away, waving his hand over his shoulder at Edward who stays sitting on the floor. He takes off his beanie and then puts it back on again and then presses his hands together. He can almost picture the pills he wants. All lain out in his outstretched hand, waiting to be swallowed and then to work their magic in his blood stream. He wants to feel numb and alive and just feel again. He wants something to take the edge off of today. He deserves it. Just one. Or two, maybe three. Four maximum. That's all he would need. It would help him relax and fall into a deep soundless sleep. Ones like he had before. He begins to create a plan in his head:

1. Ask Ashley if knows who the boy is that can get stuff.

2. Ask Ben if he knows someone who can get him some hair product.

3. Ask that person for some sweet relief from the pills he's dreaming of.

4. Don't let Adam or Ben find out.

It seems too simple for him. And he knows surely, it'll go wrong at some point, but he doesn't care. He needs those pills. He's constantly on edge and he knows this will help. If Adam is allowed a couple of cigarettes, he's allowed a couple of pills. Both of those things help you die anyway, just in different ways.