kuroken drabbles

+ what if we're still inlove?

what if we're still inlove?

"stop asking me stupid questions, yaku," kenma hissed on the man sitted opposite his way. "it happened five years ago. he's moved on. and i'm perfectly fine with it."

he rolled his eyes for the nth time this day because of morisuke. it is indeed a big mistake to let the older read his journal entry about his last night's dream of him and kuroo; kuroo asking kenma to give him a chance, and when kenma refuses, kuroo already left without even hearing the younger's explanation.

"you think i'd believe that stupid lie of yours after reading what's in your journal?" yaku hissed back. "the one that's about your dream of him confronting you then leaving you again after a very short sentiment."

kenma might have heard yaku cursing if he'd payed attention to whatever the older is saying, but he didn't and he do not know what he blabbed.

instead, he looked at the window glass and stared at his reflection. memories of him and kuroo start to flash.

all those times that kuroo made him feel as if he's the most important being in this world, all those phone calls at 2am, all the laughs they shared, all the secrets they exchanged, all the promises he made, all the times that he was left crying, and all those broken pieces of his heart scattered in front of him; they all came back at once.

and it hurt.

it was as if the wounds were cut open again and started bleeding. the betrayal and hate surged his chest and suffocated his whole being.

he hated kuroo, yes, but it is no denial that he still loves kuroo. what a fucking paradox but it is the truth: he love-hate kuroo for all the things he did.

and maybe, kenma just wants an explanation to why kuroo left him hanging all those times that until now it still hurts him.

it's been years but he can't seem to move on from what kuroo did.

"just message him and see what happens," yaku said, snapping kenma back to reality.

the younger looked at him in confusion, "then what?"

"what do you mean 'what'? then go talk things over!"

kenma sighed then rolled his eyes. "it's... it's not that simple, yaku," his voice is small but can be heard. "you know that."

suddenly, frustration starts to surge his chest as well. yaku makes it sound so.. easy.

"you're just scared, that's what i know. why, what are you scared of? what his reply will be or what your reaction will be?"

kenma knows why he refuses to make a slight interaction with kuroo. it's because he's scared, he's dead scared of what lies ahead. he's scared that kuroo might have completely moved on from him. he's scared that he might do or say something stupid in front kuroo if ever they meet in person. he's scared that kuroo might think he's just making a big deal out of "them" when in fact a "them" didn't happen at all. or maybe, he's just scared to admit that he's just using their past to tell people why he's not interested to be in a relationship anymore.

"i.. i don't know, yaku,"

"you've never seen him again ever since our graduation, right?" kenma nodded. "the best way to go through this bullshit is to prepare, kenma. message him. it's not as if you're going to die just by hitting him up."

yaku is nonchalant with his words but kenma's thought are dead worried. all the what-ifs start to ramble in his head again. it's overwhelming him.

"excuse me, i'll just go to the washroom," he says. yaku just eyed him as if telling him that he's escaping again.

nonetheless, he stands up and makes his way to the washroom. kenma stares at his reflection in the mirror.

am i letting yaku make me do what he says? am i really going to message kuroo? what if it doesn't go well? argh, why did i even tell him about the stupid dream.

kenma washes his hands hoping his thoughts would drain along with the water. i need to get home before i breakdown in front of yaku, he sighs deeply.

"so?" yaku prompts as kenma sits back and asks him what the younger will do. "are you going to message him?" his tone expectant.

"i told you, yaku, i don't know," kenma fixes his things and put on the strap of his bag. "i need to go home."