Same Same but Different

Chapter Six

We finished our snacks in relative silence. I played what I had said about Faith over and over again in my head. I had definitely said too much to a stranger like that. As I thought about how uncomfortable I was, I imagined it was at least double for him. I just told him some seriously personal stuff.

"Is the Embassy far from here?" My self-conscious spiral was interrupted.

"Um," I looked around as if the plastic tables and hustling tuk-tuks just on the market's edge would tell me. "Yes and no. I mean, it's close, but you can't walk."

He stood. "You want to share a ride?"

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Most likely, I had been holding this breath for over twelve hours. Holding my breath, holding on to this moment that caused reality to fade away in my peripheral. Holding my breath because this was keeping me from cracking. I hadn't fallen apart yet. As soon as the deep sigh escaped my lips, I knew I would be in sobs soon. There was a familiar weight on my chest. A weight so heavy I constantly feared I would crush under it.

"You bet." Two words were all I could manage and we walked out of the market without another word. I found a herd of tuk-tuks and motos, approached a moto, and quickly asked if we could get a ride to the US Embassy. It was a short exchange and easy.

"Thanks," Chris finally spoke as he hopped on to the bike.

"No problem." I found that keeping to two word sentences was best. I slid behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist as the motorcycle lurched forward. I knew, I knew, as soon as he got off this bike I was going to cry. Not only did I feel someone sitting on my chest willing it to happen, but now a knot grew in my throat. And if I didn't know better, and I knew better, I'd think I was just crying because this time was over. That wasn't it. It was the reality of what I was about to have to do. It was hitting me again like it had on two other continents. That's what it was. That was it. To keep the knot down, I leaned into him. It felt warm and natural to rest my head on his back. He didn't move or flinch, at least not that I felt. I could feel his deep, calming breathing, which helped keep the emotional monster on my shoulders at bay for a while longer.

The moto slowed in front of the large, off white wall that stood in contrast to the ancient Wat Phnom behind us and the hotels past us.

"Where's the entrance?" Chris asked as we stepped off the bike. 

The driver shrugged. I didn't move far from him. I hadn't explained that I still wanted a ride elsewhere after this stop.

"Can you wait here a moment? I need to go to Toul Kork after this." He nodded. I looked at Chris, "This way."

The entrance wasn't hidden, it just looked so simple you'd miss it. Just to the right of the long wall was a small building. There were no windows. We were let in by two Cambodians. I pushed the door open. It looked like the world's tiniest airport. There were two metal detectors and x-ray machines that led to the exit onto the embassy grounds. Instinctively, I looked up at the camera in the corner. It was so small you wouldn't notice it. It was where the Marines watched you. They were away in another location (I never learned where) called 'the box'. They were who allowed you in or out. They spoke through ear pieces to the Cambodians working the space. Chris was immediately ushered forward after he explained his lost/stolen passport situation. The worker gestured to the x-ray machine. I didn't say a word. I wasn't staying so I didn't feel the need to tell anything.

"Your name?" The other Cambodian man asked.

"Oh, I'm not with him. Just dropping him off." I gave a half-hearted wave at Chris as he emptied his pockets onto the conveyor belt. He gave me a melancholy smile. This was our goodbye.