𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁

c h a p t e r 1

eleutheromania -
an intense and irresistible desire for freedom

it was a cold night in the town tulsa, oklahoma. my mom and i decided to move here after my dad passed away. he died in california from getting shot in the heart. 

i remember my mom hearing about what occurred, and she was speechless. a year later, she said we needed to get out of their and i didn't blame her. 

i didn't like any of the people their anyway. nor did i have one of those "best friends." it was just me, myself, and i. oh, and my mom of course.

at times, i felt like my dad deserved his death because he was known as one of the "hoods." not that it was a bad thing, but the kind of hood he was, well that is a whole other story.

he got into fights at bars when he got drunk and when i became older, my mom and dad fought a lot more. even close to the end of his life, he was cheating on my mom. the best part about it was, my mom knew, but she didn't want to go through the whole divorce thing.

but most of the time, i do miss my dad. he had his bad side, but like everyone else, he had a good side. there were times we would be laughing so hard the cops were called for noise complaint. the times we smiled so much our cheekbones hurt.

at my old school in california, i got made fun of a lot. i didn't have expensive clothes like all of the other girls, i never wore makeup, i was just myself. 

but nobody really likes that. you always had to act fake because if you acted real, people got annoyed. what a town, right?

since we had only been living here for now a month, there were still a few boxes laying around. we lived on the east side of town, or as we were called, the greasers. i wasn't ashamed at all. why should i be anyways?

since i was still in school, high school, we couldn't afford a very expensive house. well, we couldn't even afford a house. we lived in an apartment. 

the outside was stacked with red bricks and on the inside, the rooms had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen, and a little space for the living room. that was all we needed for two people.

my mom got two jobs to pay for school and to be living in the apartment. her first job was in the morning from 9 a.m to 2 p.m, working at a grocery store. 

her second job was from 4 p.m to 10 p.m, sometimes even 11 p.m, working as an assistant nurse at the local hospital. she was hard working and didn't want to give up.

not too long ago though, she had been getting into drugs and alcohol. i remember one night when she came home from the hospital, she threw her coat on the floor and went straight to her room and passed out.

i picked up after her and when i reached in her pocket, i pulled out a little bag of cocaine. i never told my mom what i saw, but i always remembered it. i was somewhat ashamed of her. i never expected something like that.

since i hadn't made any friends yet, i always asked if she wanted to do something together, but she always made up a dumb excuse. but i mean, i understood. she worked all day, for five days a week.

i was sitting in my room and it was about 1:30 in the morning. i hadn't really been anywhere, except the grocery store where my mom worked. so, i made up a plan to sneak out.

i pulled on some jeans, a white long sleeve, and a jean jacket on top. i opened my window as quiet as possible. luckily, we were on the first floor so it was pretty easy for me to hop out. 

then, that's where my journey began.