Heart of Ice

12. The Morning After The Night Before

I'm sure that most of you already know that when you're upset, and can't help but cry, sometimes letting all the tears out seems to make you feel a little bit better, even if your circumstances haven't changed at all. This was the case with Hollie, who ended up crying herself to sleep last night, and she woke up feeling ever so slightly better. Of course, she was still in an unpleasant situation, having just had an argument with Dylan the night before, but she was now ready to speak to him, apologise for pushing him away. You see, that was just her silly little way of protecting herself from getting hurt, and she knew that she should have just been truthful with him about how she felt. 

After all, if Hollie did truly love him, why should she be scared that she's going to get hurt by him? You can't love someone and not trust them.

So this morning, as soon as she woke up, she jumped out of bed ready to tell him the truth. She ran to his bedroom and opened the door without even knocking, she didn't have the time to knock, she thought, what she had to say was too important to wait even a couple more seconds. And that's why she started speaking a million miles a minute before Dylan had a chance to ask what she was doing there. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now but I just had to speak to you. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do have feelings for you, I realised that a long time ago but I kept denying it." And when those words came out of her mouth, she suddenly realised that she'd never admitted that before, not even to herself. "But you have to understand that the reason I didn't want to end up getting hurt. But I got hurt anyway, I lost you all because I refused to tell you how I felt. And losing you was the exact reason why I was so scared to admit these feelings in the first place." She shakes her head slightly, realising that she's somewhat going off topic if she carries on like this, so she gets to the point of why she stormed in here in the first place. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is that getting hurt is inevitable, so I might as well live my life getting hurt, but with someone I love by my side. That is, if you forgive me?"

It takes a while for Dylan to process everything that Hollie had just said. She wanted to be with him, after all this, he was right, she had feelings for him too. But that doesn't change the fact that she's still coming up with excuses. That phrase 'you have to understand that...', that's just her refusing to take full responsibility for her actions. "Hollie, you know how much you mean to me, I made that perfectly clear last night. So of course I forgive you. Or rather, I will forgive you, one day. I just need some time, that's all."

Hollie draws a shaky breath as she hears him say this, she half expected this, but the other half of her expected everything to be okay, that she could jump into his arms, the two of them would kiss and the rest would be history. But alas, that wasn't the case. "I understand." She says, nodding her head slowly, "I'll leave you be then." She tells him, turning around and leaving the room. 

And Dylan just stood there, watching her go, just like she watched him go last night. And it clicked in his brain, how was he any better than her? Both of them had the opportunity to chase after the other, fight for what they have. But both are too scared to do so. He was a hypocrite, and he knew it. 

The only piece of hope he clung on to was the possibility of the two of them swallowing their pride and being together one day. And Dylan knew that he could have lost his pride, but instead, he lost her. But the thing is, he was always the one fighting for the Hollie, for once, he just wanted to be the one who was fought for. Was that too much to ask?