Lily of the field

flowers can make a mess

Sidney tried to avoid Charlottes gaze the whole time, they spend at the river. He sat on one of the blankets with Henry and Mary and talked about several things he couldn't even remember a few minutes later.

As they went back Charlotte and Georgina walked on top and he carried the blankets and the basket.
„Everything all right?" Mary asked.
„Sure, why are you asking?" he seemed to be a little distracted.
„It is allright," Mary said with a smile. He looked at her in question.
„...to fall again."
He began to deny the obvious, but Mary only chuckled and petterned his arm.
„She is a good girl." And with that she left him alone.

When they arrived in Trafalgar house he went to the kitchen directly to let the servers clear the basket. But he only found Miss Heywood there. She had stripped off her spencer and had rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. She took the basket from him without a word, and as their fingers touched lightly, he saw her blushing.

A smal rumble of his heart let him caught the tingle feeling in his stomarch and he searched her eyes. But this time she was avoiding him. And as he starres at her, while taking off his coat, a bride smile beamed on his face. The flowers still in her hair, let him remember the encounter earlier this afternoon and he was suprised as he reached out for her and his fingers embraced her wrist.
Lightly shocked she looked up to him, her blush even deeper, as she widen her eyes at this suprising soft feeling his warm hand gave her.

„Miss Heywood."

He said with a raspy voice and she couldn't stop the shiver, which run through her by his adress. Her heart beated violently in her chest and suddenly her mouth get dry. She licked her lips and his gaze followed this litte movement. For a second he lost his thoughts and tried to avoid the forly urge to embrace her and kiss her senseless.

By a loud slam of the doors of the pantry he stepped back. Only when he lay the little flower from his ear in her hand, he let go of her wrist. Immediately both felt the lost, and as the kitchen maid came in the room, Charlotte was able to say
„but it's yours."

Sidney saw a little glimpse of pain in her eyes and a dissapointed tone in her voice. Finally he had to point out, he had just gave her back a smal gift, maybe it means more to her as he thought. He cleared his throat by the upcoming feeling and swallowed.

„I wanted to ask you, if you could keep that for me?" he whispered, so the maid didn't get the chance to eavesdrop the conversation. He glanced brifly to the girl in the back of the room. Charlotte noticed that they were not alone anymore, but couldn't shake off the hurt she felt inside, as he gave her back the flower. He doesn't feel the same!
Stop embarressing me, she thought. Shrugged her shoulders and before she could turn to leave, she took the flower from him. Tried to ignore the tingly feeling of his hands on hers and said

„Sure, but you had just could throw it away."

She pushed past him and leave the kitchen. Angrily he grimaced, that was not how he had imagined. He had hoped that she would take it as a memory of him. After all he couldn't give her flowers, not before they are officially engaged. And for that it was a bit to early.

He huffed and went after her, he found her at Tom's study,
„Miss Heywood," he tried again, but she glarred at him, why does he have to wallow in her pain.
„I am afraid you missunderstood me," he began, but she wouldn't listen.
„I understood perfectly well." She answered angrily and pushed down the papers on the desk.
„Of course you do!" he snapped at her. She didn't want to make it easy for him and he couldn't hold back the burning flame of anger in him.
„I really thought I was wrong about you. I thought you weren't...." she trailed of.
"What do you mean?" he asked confused.
"You don't care about the feelings of others...." she looked up at him with piercing eyes.
"That is not true." He hissed.
"No, of course not." She said quietly.
"Miss Heywood, I didn't want to upset you." how could he do it right? That got completely out of hand. That was not how he wanted it!

„You didn't."

She shut her eyes to banish the tears burning in her eyes. She exhaled deeply, curtsiested and left the room. Sidney let out a mumble and followed her upstairs. He had to get it out now. Even it was unpropper he stormed into her room an caught her by carressing the little flower with her fingers. She looked up at him in shock, blushed and her forehead folded in anger.

With a few steps she was in front of him and asked him in a raised voice what he was thinking. She pushed him in his chest and tried to shoved him out of her room. She was furious. He stumbled back and slammed the door shut in this movement. A little mica of panic flowed through her, but she couldn't stop. Charlotte was beside herself. She pushed him until he caught her fists. His grip was strong, but not painful. He pressed her hands down and pulled her a little closer to him.

Gasping for air, she tried to get loose and hit the door herself with her back. He was really too close and his warm breath tickled her neck. Her breath went much too fast and her chest raised and lowered so distracting that he almost forgot where he was.

He looked deep into her eyes and loosened his grip around her wrists.

"I'm sorry."
"That you were robbing me in my room?"
"Yes, that too. That's pretty unseemly." He lowered his eyes embarrassed.
"You should go." She suggested it.
"not before I've clarified the matter." He determined.
"There is nothing to clarify." She tried to push past him, he blocked her way. With flaming anger in her eyes she looked at him and grumbled,
"Let me pass."
"No." He was searching her eyes.
"What are you doing? First you are nice, then not. Then you give me my flower back and instead of leaving me alone, I can't get rid of you now!" She cried.

„Do you want get rid of me?" he almost whispered.
„Yes, of course!" tears prickled in her eyes and she looked away.
„Forgive me. This isn't what I wanted." He begged.
„I don't care what you wanted, leave my room." She pushed him in the chest and tried to get past him again.

I wanted to give you back the flower..." he began, but she interrupted him,
"I've noticed that. Thank you very much. I'm sorry that I gave it to you at all. It was just a..." she shouted.
"...I wanted you to keep it in my memory." He screamed back.

"it was only a joke..." it rumbled out of her,
"...nothing further!" She had apparently not listened to him at all. Her words hurt.

"Charlotte."
By her christian name on his lips she looked up. Confusion, anger and another emotion he couldn't interpret lay on her face. She started panting angrily again and yelled at him,

"Don't call me that!"

She would have liked to have punch him, but he caught her fists and pressed them against the wall next to her head and she completely forgot what had just happened, as he whispered in her ear.

"then I call you sweetheart".