I'm standing in front of you

It can't be real

AN - so after two years I've decided to try and add more chapters to this story. I had a good following and interest before I stopped writing so let's see if that can be regained. I'm writing this during lockdown to keep my mind occupied and keep everyone else occupied! I hope you enjoy it!
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Evie (POV)

I woke up in a darkened room, in bed, with wet hair, and one of Josh's t-shirts on, I don't remember doing any of that. My head had a pain raging straight through my eyes and I remember the oblivion that I had drank myself into a few hours ago. My room no longer smelt like sick, sweat, grease and dirt. I had this faint memory in the back of my mind that Josh had come back from tour and helped me... but my mind had been playing so many tricks on me the past few weeks, I don't know what's real or fake anymore.

I swung my thinner legs over the side of my bed and stood up. I held my head as I tried to steady myself, this pain was awful. My fragile legs carried me though the hallway and down the stairs so I could get a glass of water and some pain medication. As I was walking, I noticed my house was much cleaner than I remember, there was no more dust, no empty bottles, the floor was clean and the windows were all open to let the air in.... how drunk was I?

I got to the kitchen and noticed that everything was clean and there wasn't the smell of moulding food, I scratched my head because I don't remember doing any of this. I got my glass of water and pain meds and took them as soon as I could, as to try and ease the pain that was resounding in my head and ultimately down my body. As I took the last sip of water, I heard the door open and quietly close, signalling that someone had walked in.

I cautiously rounded the corner and heard a voice,

"I've just got back from the store, I'm going to cook her something and wake her up, I'll keep you updated bro. Yeah of course she'll come back. See you bro"

That was Josh's voice, it can't be can it? I took one more step so I standing in the hallway, and there he was. Faded hair, slight stubble, sunken eye bags, boy did he look worn out. My breath caught in my throat, realising he was there and standing in front of me.

The sound of my breath caught his attention because his head snapped up and his eyes widened in shock. He dropped the bags he was carrying and before I knew it, his arms were around my waist and my legs were rapped around his waist.
"Your back, your actually back" my words came out so quiet and my breath had caused goosebumps on his neck, I didn't care. He was back and I was in is arms. That is all that matters. "Babe, what happened? Why did you stop texting, why didn't you answer, why were their empty alcohol bottles all over the floor, why are you so skinny I could snap you, why is your body littered with cuts" his questions fired at me and I couldn't keep up, his words swirled around my head and I loosened my grip around his waist so I dropped to the floor. Josh was reluctant to let go of me, but he did and we shuffled our way into the kitchen.

I sat down on the island as Josh put away a few pieces of food. There was a silence between us and it was getting more tense in the room the longer we were quiet. He began cooking some food for us both so I took this as a chance to explain myself to him. I took a deep breath and began to answer all his questions as best I can,
"Soon after you left, I made sure you were safe and okay. I turned my phone off, didn't charge it up and I wasn't too bothered about it either. I couldn't take not having you around me, my body didn't know how to survive without you, helping me through my everyday life. I stopped eating, I went from having two meals a day, to one a day, to a small bowl of cereal, and then nothing, I found comfort in alcohol, the burning and sickness reminded me that everything was real, that you were real, Tyler was real, Jenna was real, everything. I started thinking I had made it all up, I had spiralled again and I didn't know how to make it stop. My mind was playing tricks, I hear you walking in and the nothing. I soon realised that I would have to put up with you being gone for so many more weeks and that's why I drank my self unconscious, why I didn't take care of myself, I didn't know how to. I'm sorry Josh, I didn't mean for it to get this far, I didn't mean to worry you all, I'm so sorry Josh" my body began shaking with sobs and before I knew it my head was hanging down and I was ashamed of myself.