Klaine Oneshots

I'm Not Disgusting

*Kurt's POV*
I sat at my vanity, running a comb through my not yet perfectly styled quiff. I let a sigh escape my lips and closed my eyes, letting my tired lashes rest on my pink dusted cheeks. When I re-opened them, my blush turned darker as I spotted him in the mirror - my boyfriend. I still couldn't believe it even then, after months of dating, Blaine was my boyfriend. I woke up every morning to, "Morning sweetie :)," texts that I'd reply to with, "Good morning darling," as I held the phone to my chest and breathed in his scent off of the jumper I'd managed to steal from him the last time he came over - the shoulders a little big on me as they'd stretched around his muscles.
My blush only grew impossibly darker as Blaine looked up from his phone and made eye contact with my through the reflection. He placed his phone on my bedside table and bounced himself up off of my bed. He walked over to me and rapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and turning slightly to peck me cheek.
"You look beautiful," he told me and I smiled. He looked so content being near me, I never thought I'd have someone feel that way about me, I never thought I deserved it. He was too good for me. "Nonsense, if anyone's to good in this relationship that's you, you're perfect," Blaine said, awakening me from my dreamlike state and making me realise I'd said that last part out loud - the words, "You're to good for me," had passed out of my lips, my insecurity was out in the open, caught in the air. My throat clenched and a bowed my head as to avoid reflection eye contact.
I felt Blaine's soft yet strong hand beneath the skin of my chin as he used on finger to make me face him. He wasn't smiling anymore. He looked concerned. "What's wrong baby?" He asked me.
"Nothing, I'm fine," I smiled the best I could, not really trying to sound convincing. I suppose that's because I wanted to be heard, I wanted him to ask again, I wanted him to care that much and most of all - I wanted to tell someone, I wanted the weight of my secret to be lifted off of my chest. I just hoped I was brave enough to tell him.
"I don't believe that for a second, come on Kurt, you know you can tell me anything," he said taking my hand, "Tell me what's bothering you gorgeous," he added as he led me off of my stool and over to sit on my bed, his hand still holding mine as I placed it anxiously in my lap.
"You don't want to know."
"Of course I do."
"No, you don't want to hear. It's not something to be proud of."
"Whatever it is, there is no way that anything you tell me could ever change the way I feel about you, I'm always going to love you," as those words escaped his perfect plump lips, I couldn't help but wonder how he knew exactly what I was thinking and just what to say. I was petrified that my secret would change his mind, what if he stopped loving me? What if he thought I was disgusting? I thought I was disgusting.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
I was still unsure.
"You have to be sure. I couldn't stand you thinking about me the way I think of me."
"And how's that? What do you think of yourself?"
"That I'm disgusting. That I'm wretched and used and ruined goods."
"And why is that?"
"It happened a while ago..." I began,

"What do boy's lips taste like?" "Usually dip, sometimes they taste like burgers, or my arm pits. Kissing my armpits is a really big turn on for me."
I heard my Dad coming down the stairs and I knew that the next stage of my plan was going to take place. We talked a bit, it was weird. As soon as Dad left, I felt a presence behind me as Brittany rapped her arms around my waist. I turned around in her embrace and smiled, she smilled back and leaned in again. Kissing a girl wasn't as weird as I thought it would be. It was still clear to me throughout the experience that I was gay, but it didn't feel gross or alien, just not right. It felt like she wasn't supposed to be there, it felt wrong, but I went along with it, desperate for love and acceptance. I just didn't want that from her, I wanted it from my Dad.
She took my hand and led me back to my sofa. I felt her hand travel down my leg again but this time I didn't stop it. That's what everybody else was doing, so it couldn't be that wrong could it? And she clearly wanted to do this. I mean, she only wanted to do this for purely sexual reasons rather than romantic, but I still didn't want to disappoint her or my Dad. Even through all of my overthinking and knowledge that I was gay and wishing she was a boy I was in love with rather than a female friend, I didn't hate it, it was still someone touching me, wanting me to feel good. I didn't like it either though. As I said, it just felt wrong. I felt her hands under my underwear.

"It didn't go on for long, after the initial shock of being a horny teenager died down, I pushed her hand away and suggested that I dress her up in some of my new outfits, which she was excited about. It wasn't until that night as I lay alone in my bed, that I broke down and cried. I realised that I'd waisted that experience on someone who didn't care about me, and now I'm damaged goods, I'm disgusting and I think about it all the time and it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm so sorry Blainey," I rushed out, crying more heavily as I came to the end of my story.
I expected to hear angry footsteps and a slamming door, or at the very least nothing at all, just awkward silence filled with my sobs. But that didn't happen. I felt strong arms under my knees and against my back, pull me onto Blaine's lap. I buried my face into his chest and he just held me as I cried, stroking my back and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. When I finally calmed down and pulled back slightly, he spoke. His voice was so soft and caring that the mere sounds of the syllables were enough to make my heart flutter before he even got to the meaning and live behind the words.
"Listen to me baby okay? You are not damaged goods, you are not disgusting or wretched or any of those other awful names you've been calling yourself. You are beautiful, you are pure and you a perfect. You always will be in my mind. And most importantly, you are human. So you made a mistake? We all make them, that's part of what makes us human. I know you regret what happened with Brittany, but that doesn't mean you're ruined for life. You are the purest person I know and I can assure you that when you have your first time, I will ensure that you don't regret it. That may have been your first sexual experience, but it wasn't your actual first time and as long as you'll keep me as your's, I will make sure that your first time is perfect and romantic and everything you could ever wish for."
"Thank you, I love you so much Blaine. You have no idea how much what you said means to me."
"I love you too."

That's how I learnt that I'm not damaged goods, I'm not disgusting. I made a mistake and that doesn't determine my life, my purity or my sexuality. I am who I am and my first time was just as beautiful as promised.