everything i never said

VII. bathroom

i think about how i crawl to the bathroom at 5:42am because i'd had too much to drink last night sleep lines crisscrossed along my arms which you'll kiss someday how i stumble back into bed with my eyes pressed close trying to cling to sleep like i cling to everything else but sleep won't take me because my mind is bursting with something always; how i can't even take one trip to the bathroom which is only six feet away covid-appropriate distance and i can't even go back to sleep for the next four hours because my mind will go on and on about the randomest bullshit like oh! what a fun day i had yesterday i'll never be as happy as i was then and oh! how i love the girl i met up with last week to go to moma that memory is going to haunt me forever and oh! how my dad is really well and truly gone and i'll always be lacking in that department some people will never have to face that and oh! oh! oh! how my mind refuses to sleep once it tastes awakeness how it is so heavy and how i've now decided to make that everyone else's problem by putting it all down. this must be exhausting to read so imagine getting it straight from the source straight from my brain like i'm the bee and i'm pulling honey for you; oh you won't sympathize you must think this is so nice and sweet except the person who must carry it all