always and always

13

Lisa sat on the lone chair on the balcony of her dorm. She was staring up at the moon and all the stars, wishing that the girl she loved would somehow love her back. It was the feeling of emptiness that started to creep in that made the night felt colder than it should be.

Lisa was in the middle of her thoughts when the one person that she had been avoiding the whole day appeared in front of her. Jennie was already in her pyjamas, hair tied up in a bun, and Lisa still felt breathless, hear heart started to beat more erratically—a common occurrence when there was the older brunette around.

"Hey, I haven't seen you all day," Jennie stepped out onto the balcony, a blanket draped over her shoulders. "What are you doing over here?"

Normally, Lisa would answer back honestly. This night though, she felt so, so tired, and the aching in her heart just kept on growing every time Jennie took a step closer.

So all she could reply was a shrug. And Lisa knew that that gave Jennie some kind of clue that the former wasn't okay—sometimes she hates that Jennie knew her so well.

Lisa could very well ignore the presence of the other girl, in fact, that was her plan since morning. However, when Jennie stood in front of her, and when Jennie took a step forward to sit down on Lisa's lap because somehow there were no other chairs on the balcony, that was when Lisa knew that it was just impossible to do so.

"Lisa, it's freezing out here, and you're only wearing your pyjamas. I'll keep you company until you're done stargazing, okay? Because I have a blanket with me, and that plus my body warmth will hopefully make you feel less cold."

It was the way Jennie said those words—with so much worry and affection and love—that made Lisa couldn't contain what she had been bottling up inside anymore.

When Lisa burst out crying, Jennie pulled back so fast. "Lisa? Lis-"

Lisa covered her face with both of her hands, but Jennie was quick to pull them away and to wipe Lisa's tears with her hands instead. "Lisa, what's wrong?"

Lisa could tell Jennie was worried, they were in such a close proximity that she could feel the latter's heart beating faster than her own.

"I'm sorry." Lisa managed to choke out.

"Don't be, just let it all out."

Lisa took a deep breath and willed herself to stop crying and calm down. She didn't plan on breaking down in front of Jennie, but there were too many emotions that she had been repressing and it all just came tumbling out. 

"What's wrong? It's not something bad like you leaving, right? Because I don't think I can take that."

"No, it's not that."

Lisa could feel Jennie relaxing a bit after what she said, but her hands that were cupping Lisa's cheeks were still a bit tense.

"I was just not having the best day."

"Want to talk about it?"

There was nothing that Lisa could say that would not expose her feelings for Jennie, so she swallowed all the things she wanted to tell the other girl and instead: "Not really."

"Okay." Jennie wiped Lisa's remaining tears and leaned forward to hug her. Her hug was so tight that Lisa almost started crying again, but instead she just hugged Jennie back with all the love she had for her.