YACHT TALK
There’s fifteen minutes left of studying at the end of the day. I was watching our lecturer at the front of the classroom as he used the laser in his hand to point at the written lines on the projector one by one, explaining the dynamics of what we were studying. I was anxiously tapping my fingers on the desk in front of me, wanting to be finished already. I had been studying since early this morning, and my brain was tired.
I study a lot of majors. Most of them are under the principles of mathematics. If you ask me what mechanical engineering is about, well, let me just briefly say that it’s all about learning the mechanics of different forms, such as solids, dynamics, static, fluids, vibrations. Anything regarding energy, thermodynamics, heat transfer, cooling, combustion, power plant systems. It’s also learning about controls, automatic controls, signals and systems, instruments and measurements, and things like that.
"Yorch, what the hell are you sitting there pouting for?"
Martin turned towards me asking, as I enervatedly stared at our lecturer. But his question raised my eyebrows.
"Don’t I always pout?"
"Not always… You look like you’ve been in a bad mood this period... Did you argue with Mew?
"No, we haven’t been talking lately..."
"You haven't spoken to each other since the fight? It’s been almost a month."
"Yeah"
I answered truthfully with a calm voice. I could hardly feel anything towards Mew at this point.
Though it was usually me who went back to N’Mew whenever we fought, regardless of how big or small the argument had been. But I didn’t feel the same this time. I have been so confused lately. I keep asking myself if I still like women, why am I not interested in girls anymore?
I have to tell you, since the beginning, I’ve never been single for more than two weeks at a time. Because once I break up with one woman, someone else is eager to seduce me and take her place. But this time, despite having many women standing in line, I remained silent. That’s not the right way to think, right?
"Oh ho! Aren’t you going home? Sitting here like that one might think you’ve turned to stone, Ai’Yacht!"
The voice of Vivi, a transgender from my group, startled me and snapped me out of my thoughts. Turning to look around the room I saw that class was now over. People had begun to leave the classroom, so I quickly packed my sheets and school supplies into my bag to get ready to leave.
"Are you guys free for drinks tonight?"
I asked, after we put our bags on our shoulders. Martin, Pure, and Vivi nodded.
"Why? do you want to get drunk?"
"Yeah, take me to a gay bar."
Everyone turned to look at me with one eye as if they couldn’t believe what they’d just heard. What did I say? Why would I go to a gay bar? I shake those thoughts off before answering again.
"Anywhere, anywhere is fine, I just wanna get a little drunk."
"Oh."
They nodded once more and agreed to go out for drinks at a bar. Pure said she would bring her boyfriend along and drive to pick everyone up. Her house was the furthest away, so we were picked up one by one before reaching the tavern. Another good thing about a girlfriend is that the driver will get sent back home, and they can collect the drunken half unconscious body of their man if anything should happen.
After our assignment was finished everyone dispersed and headed home to get ready, myself included.
I took the bus and got off at the mouth of Soi Main Road. After a short walk I reached the entrance to the village, and I could not help but look towards the first hog shop on the street.
There was a young boy sitting there looking at me in front of the shop. But when I saw him, he immediately got up and walked into the house.
This is how it’s been for the past few weeks; I don’t know why it is so frustrating, but it’s so woeful.
Why didn’t he greet me when he saw I already knew he was waiting for me? Why is it that every time I go there to buy pork, he likes to hide away, he doesn’t speak, and sometimes when I go, he walks into the house and lets Auntie Thip do the vending instead. I don’t know what’s going on with him, or why he is angry with me. Just the thought of it made me annoyed. What’s wrong with him lately? Normally we can have good conversations.
“Shit…” I sigh and sped up my pace to go home. Whoever said this nong was always smiling at me, being all flirty and chatty, must’ve been referring to a month ago. Right now, I was the one getting frustrated. First, because Tain wasn’t talking to me, and I was not used to the silence.
The other day I saw him sitting with another man when I went to buy some eggs. The guy he was sitting with was really good looking. I stared at them for a moment, an indescribable feeling in my chest, until Tain raised his head and looked at me for a brief moment, before turning back to talk with that bastard. That was the only honest contact we’d had in over two weeks. Now he’s already bringing home another man to his house like they are boyfriends! So then what the hell was the point of flirting with me?!
The reason I wanted to get drunk tonight was because of Tain. The situation made me want to get away from home. I wasn’t used to walking in the alley alone. Everything was so quiet, and nobody was there to greet me. I’m not used to going shopping alone, I can’t find anything. I’m not used to Auntie Thip coming to bring food over to my own house. I was not used to the idea of any of it. The result of all this uneasiness, was that I dreamed about something involving Tain almost every night. I dreamt of him so often he became the wife of my dreams.
It’s extremely strange how people can dream the same scenario over and over again, despite everything you’ve done during the day. I was having the same dream over and over, without missing a beat, waking up with a wet crotch every time.
“Hey Mom, Dad. I’m going out for drinks with my friends tonight!”
I raised my hands, paying homage to my parents, who simply nodded since they were already accustomed to me leaving for a night out. I don’t leave very often, but when I do, there’s always a lesson to be learned. But I never caused any problems for my parents, so they let me do pretty much anything I wanted. I only had to take good care of myself.
I was stomping around the house preparing to leave. When I passed by the side table in the living room, my eyes caught sight of three comics I remembered Tain had borrowed from me once. I turned around, picked them up, and walked over to my dad who was just coming into the room.
“Dad, did Tain bring these back?” I asked him.
“Yes, he did, he dropped them off this afternoon.” My father answered me simply.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Did he say anything?”
“No, he came by to return them to you, and just told me to tell you that he did.”
“Tain didn’t ask to borrow anything else? Or ask if he could come upstairs and watch cartoons, or anything like that Dad? Did he ask for me?”
“No, he didn’t. He came to return it but didn’t say anything else.” He said, unphased by my growing frustration.
His answers made my frustration double in size from what it had been before. This is completely unlike Tain’s usual behavior, because every time he would come while I was away, he would always ask about me, and then my parents would always tell me. What made him change to having this cold behavior towards me? He moved on as if it was so easy. It was as if nothing ever happened between us. It’s ok though. I’m beginning to get used to the fact that he left, and then just disappeared.
I’ll admit that in the past I was never that interested in Tain. I always considered him to be immature, and he would get on my nerves. One day however, I found myself accustomed to him. Tain also asked me if I was okay with him flirting with me, and if I would be open to dating. Back then my heart was not yet open to dating younger guys, it wasn’t open enough that I could call him my boyfriend. But after going to gay bars and studying guys, now I am more open to it. And after having so many dreams about Tain, I found myself wanting more, and I was curious to know how far we could go in real life.
If we had accepted one another already, I would have been okay with it. And if we had accepted each other as boyfriends, then things would have happened in their own time. I wasn’t expecting much, and if I’m being honest, this was the first time I have ever been open to the idea of dating a guy. It seemed like it was going well at first, but in hindsight it was a total failure. I am left completely confused trying to figure out what it is I truly want. Should I go back to dating women? I don’t know… Whenever I try to open my heart to Tain, I’m afraid of him. Afraid, because this might not be anything serious.
I couldn’t believe that my first visit to a gay bar would make me realize what my ideal type of guy is. That my first kiss with a man would make my heart pound uncontrollably. When I recalled those feelings of touch and warmth, I realized that my ideal type of guy, is Tain. With his beautiful face, fair skin, long legs and slim body. But I was never interested in him before. Maybe I overlooked it in the past because we were so close to each other. But after coming back from the gay bar that time, I kept staring at him.
Did I say I like younger men? No, I just looked at him until I got used to him. We’ve known each other since childhood, growing up together.
timestamp: 23:15
My friends and I have been sitting together at the table for a good while now, expecting nothing more than being hit on once, or maybe hitting on someone. But tonight, there were quite a few people at the bar. It’s not just me and my friends, but some other people we knew were also here, like Ken and Kai, the twins who studied at the Faculty of Computer Science. I’ve known Martin since high school, and because they knew Martin, we all became friends.
There had been four, maybe five, others accompanying the twins, but they had all gone. There was only me, Martin, Pure, Man, Vivi, Ken and Kai left at the table. The regulars.
My consciousness was beginning to fade. I had been determined to get drunk for some time to alleviate some of the events that had occurred these past few days. Therefore, I had downed several glasses of dark stout beer to get drunk faster. But the more my vision blurred, the more someone’s face became clearer and clearer. His picture appeared in my head incessantly. The sound of his laughter, and his smile, circled in my mind like a hurricane, until I became annoyed by it.
Why am I even thinking about this? Tain has a boyfriend. So why the heck am I thinking about this so seriously? Me and Tain?? It makes no sense! Take this to heart; Tain has grown up with me, we’re like brothers!
“Let’s play another game, I bet I’m better than you guys!” Vivi’s slurred voice gathered the attention of all her friends at the table. The Goddess of Games was always recruiting people to play drinking games with her. Before coming to the gay bar, we had played a kissing game. But I don’t know what other games there are to play this time around.
“Come on then! What game should we play?” Pure asked, sitting up straight, causing the rest of us to pay attention to her.
“Oh, it’s easy! I’ll spin the bottle, and whoever the mouth stops at, I’ll say one word. For example, if the bottle points at me, and Kai says “friend” I have to immediately say the name of a friend within three seconds, or else I’ll have to drink. Anyone who’s too slow, will have to take a shot. Then the person who the bottle was pointing at, spins for the next one, and will say a word to whomever it’s pointing at! Any questions?”
“No, I got it. I’ll go first!” Martin raised his hand, rubbing his face and his eyes. Then he picked up a wine bottle from the table. As he spun it, he looked around the table to try and find who the bottle would stop at first, or if it would stop at himself. Everyone was looking around the table, including me. If I had to think up a word within a few seconds, I would definitely lose. My brain was ringing right now. If I lose and have to drink more liquor again, I’ll have to crawl back into the house tonight.
*Not me - Phew!*
The bottle spun several times in a circle, before it slowed down, and the slower it got, the more the excitement grew, and the more people focused to find out who it might point to.
“Beer”
“Leo!”
The first person to get appointed was Ken. In an instant, Martin asked for the word, and Ken immediately answered with a loud voice, relieved to have survived the turn. He even raised his hand to rub his chest slightly, as if satisfied that the next person would have to answer to him. I took a strand of hair out of my mouth before nervously weaving my hands together.
*Phew! Safe again.*
“Girlfriend!”
“Pure!”
The second person the bottle pointed at was Shin, Pure’s boyfriend. Since Ken asked for a girlfriend, Shin replied with the name Pure. Oh, this would be a problem playing with family, right? If Shin had failed to think of the name fast enough, or even said another name, Pure would have surely dragged her boyfriend out and hit him over the head. But this time it was met with lots of laughter. Shin spun the bottle.
*Yes! I’m safe again.*
“Where did you do Xiaxing?!”
“In the bathroom!” Vivi screamed, “You’re an Idiot for asking me that! hahaha”
Vivi was the one the bottle pointed to, and Ken asked her about Xiaxing. Vivi replied so fast that I was laughing until my stomach hurt. Then my friend asked Vivi another question.
“Why in the bathroom?”
“I didn’t know where else we could go. At that time, Tonkook had invited me to go to the bathroom. Haha”
The questions began to increase in intensity, but it had made the atmosphere more fun and relaxed in the beginning. Nobody was afraid to have the bottle pointed at them, because the answers given always came with a fun little story. I was enjoying myself, laughing at Vivi’s story, but then the bottle was spun again.
*Me!*
“Latest sex!”
“Tain.”
*Shit!*
This bastard! I should have thought of an answer to this question before I was asked. Why the hell did I have to say his name? We never actually had sex, but when I was asked about the last time I had sex, that was last night, in my dreams. So now what? All my friends had just turned towards me with eyes as big as marbles.
“How could you have sex with Tain?” Martin asked.
“Care to explain further?!” Vivi enquired.
“...”
I laughed. But I was secretly relieved that they thought the Tain I was referring to was another Tain here at the bar. In order to prevent further questioning, I reached out to spin the bottle, hoping I could turn this around by asking the next person. But Vivi grabbed my wrist and looked at me suspiciously.
“Who is the Tain you’re talking about? What about the whole thing with Mew?”
“We haven’t been talking for quite some time.”
“I told you to try dating guys to see if it works. You have a lot of young guys that you can flirt with. Just try and pick one, trust me. A guy like you will have more access to men than women. With my radar, that’s a given fact.”
By now everyone’s attention had turned to me and I had become the conversation of the table. After spinning the bottle, Vivi held on to my wrist, and refused to let go.
“Then, if I decide to try and date a man, what should I do?” I finally asked the question that had been troubling me.
“You don’t have to do anything special. Just do what you want.” Vivi said, “I know you don’t like to initiate the first move, but you have to show them what you think of them. Waiting doesn’t really do much. And acting indifferent, is like you’re sticking to the status quo. I guess what I’m saying is that if you meet someone that you truly like, you’ll probably open up all by yourself.”
This conversation had calmed the whole table down. I nodded my head that I understood Vivi, so she removed her hand to let me spin the bottle. This alleviated some of my anxiety but added another troubling matter entirely. That being, what should I do about Tain? To simply walk out or retreat whenever I came around; it was too much…
*Oh*
“Last dream”
“...”
The bottle stopped at Martin, and I asked immediately. I don’t know if it was too difficult of a question to ask, but it took him more than a few seconds, so in the end he had to raise his glass and drink.
The game continued until Ken and Kai began to speak incoherently and Pure had passed out on her partner’s shoulder. We decided it was time to depart and head home. We called for a taxi to take the twins and Martin. He wasn’t very drunk, so he was still able to take care of them. Vivi and Pure went home with Shin. He wasn’t drunk either, he just sat in attendance and only took a few sips, so he was perfectly fine to take Vivi and Pure home. I went home alone.
Three days later
Today was the last day of sales before we would close up for a few days, as people from the village went on a tour. This time I thought it would be nice to go to Nong Phai in Kachanaburi. Today there were many customers in our shop. I had left school for half a day because when I saw that the store was full of customers I had to go and help my parents. When my father noticed we were running out of eggs, I offered to go and buy some. But my mom said it was fine.
“It’s okay, I can go to the shop and buy some.” I said.
“You don’t have to go. Your dad says that the shop will be closed tomorrow.”
“It’s fine mom, there’s only a few left. I’ll go buy some more in case I want to eat some when you and dad are away.”
My dad raised his eyebrows at me, so I smiled before I opened the register and took some money out. I immediately walked over to my motorcycle and headed straight for auntie Thip’s shop. As I came into the alley I looked over and saw Tain standing with that man again. What was worse, the other man was rubbing his cheek against Tain’s upper arm. That bastard made me turn away quickly, and in my heart, I grew annoyed again.
It’s not jealousy. But I don’t like his ambiguity. If he wants to flirt, then fine. If he’s not going to flirt with me then at least let me know that you are done. Then I would be able to let other people enter my life. I’m not anxious about this but seeing Tain with another man, it’s just not right. I wanted to do something,
“I hurt my hand, could Tain help me deliver this Aunt Thip?” I lied as I was getting the eggs from Auntie. Pretending that one of my hands was injured, while I held my phone in the other hand as if I was going to talk to someone.
“Oh, let Auntie put the bag on for you. I can hang it on the handle. What did you do to your hand?”
I hid my hand, “If I do that, I’m afraid the bag will fall, and all the eggs will break and mess up the whole bike again...”
Auntie Thip nodded understandingly, before turning to her son who was still busy smiling at the other man.
“Tain, is Win leaving now? Will you help Yacht hold a carton of eggs?”
“Yes Auntie, I’ll be leaving now, but I’ll be back to visit on Wednesday!” said Win.
He reached out to pat Tain’s head until his hair was all messed up before walking out. Actually, it turned out Win was the owner of the black sedan parked right in front of the house. And I had parked my motorcycle in front of the car.
“P’Yacht, please move your bike so that P’Win can take his car.”
So, this was the first sentence he had spoken to me in two weeks? Huh!
“Let him wait…” I replied impatiently. Tain glanced at me and nodded. His small hands grabbed the eggs I had ordered. Tain walked out while I waited for the change. When I put the change in my pocket, I turned around to find Tain was talking to that bastard owner of the car again. So I walked back to my bike and started it immediately.
“Tain, get on.”
His slim figure quickly came towards me, but he paused, turning around to wave at the man in the car again. This cannot keep happening. I couldn’t stand the way they kept looking at each other.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tain asked, tilting his head as I fixed my eyes on his hair.
“If you have a boyfriend already, you shouldn’t go around flirting with someone else!” I spoke my mind then I turned my bike around and drove away, the eggs bought but forgotten. I didn’t want to bring anything; I just wanted to go back home and throw myself on my bed in frustration.
Whatever, I’ll just ignore it. Whoever he’s dating is none of my business. If Tain’s dating someone that’s fine. But if he has a boyfriend, he really shouldn’t go around flirting with me!
YOU ARE READING
Knock Out Engineering (English Translation)
Romance📚COMPLETE BOOK 📚 Author : clazzical English Translator : Hanayuki
