Devil's Advocate • ONC 2020

10

     I brought the last suitcase downstairs into the foyer for Gerard to take down to the car. The last time I had left LA it was so much happier. I was glad to be leaving. I was so hopeful that things would get better, and they did, but nothing could have prepared me for loving Lucius. At the end of the day it's my fault for deceiving him for so long.

     Celia came up to hug me. "Promise me you'll call!"

     "I really wish you could just come with me," I said.

     She smiled reassuringly and responded, "I know, but I can't leave my mother here."

     "I understand. Family is important." I smiled before continuing, "Thank you for everything."

     "You're welcome dear. Please visit when you're in the city."

     "I absolutely will," I responded, turning to Gerard as he stepped in the front door. "Just this last suitcase." He nodded and grabbed the bag. "You can head out, I want to drive my convertible back." If me and my broken heart were going to sit in LA traffic, I sure as hell wanted to be sitting in my baby blue convertible.

     I grabbed my keys and headed down the hallway, taking the elevator to the garage. I hadn't driven my convertible since shortly after I had gotten it. It was a birthday gift from one of my model friends. She told me that I needed to loosen up and have a car to drive to banging parties. Instead it'll be my departure from the first time I had ever loved someone with my whole heart in an unbelievably unselfish way. It was my exit from this sinking Shakespeare tragedy.

     I entered my car, pressing the button for the top to go back. I had driven her a few select times. The most memorable drive was coming home after my ex broke up with me. I thought I was in love back then. I thought that that was as good as it could and would get for me. I backed out of my spot and started my journey home.

     Could I even call Long Beach my real home anymore? I think my true home is in the arms of Lucius. After everything, I don't know if he genuinely doesn't care. I don't know if he loves or hates me. He acted like he didn't, but it could have all been an act. At the end of it, I had to do what my gut told me, no matter how much my heart protested. I can't wait around for him to care for me the way I care for him.

     I turned onto the freeway, merging back into the normal reality. Away from everything that Lucius had shown me, without a second thought. He never looked back when he was walking out of that conference room, so why should I look back now? I probably shouldn't even be sad. He hurt me, emotionally, physically... That couldn't be forgiven. Especially if he wasn't looking for forgiveness. He wanted an out and now he had it. How could I change that? I love him, but at the end of the day I can't make him feel something that he no longer does.

     I looked ahead at the traffic and realized I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, I pulled off at the closest exit and found a place to stop for fast food. A quick meal then I would be back on the road and, hopefully, traffic would lighten at least a tiny bit. Once I had settled into the parking lot with my small bag of items, I put the roof back up so that the heat wouldn't get to me while I sat here.

     I looked at my phone, the thought crossing my mind to text him. Or call him. A call would be quick and to the point and I could actually tell what his tone was. I bit my lip as I looked at it. I couldn't do this to myself... Well I certainly could, but should I? Probably not. I had about as much self restraint as Jeffrey Dahmer in a room full of black out drunk barely legal teen boys. I unlocked it, pulling up my recent calls and tapping his name.

     Oh my God, why am I doing this? Ring. Please answer... Ring. Shit! Ring. Please don't answer! Ri--

     "Adelaide?" His voice was like a crisp, warm apple pie on Thanksgiving day that finished you off in the right way. It coaxed you into that last bit of food needed to be in a food coma.