30 days of loving you

Part 2: Daiki's diary

Warning: MPREG/ termination. Do not proceed if you are not comfortable with this. 

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Day 1
Dear diary,
Yuya... asked for divorce...
Usou deshou...
No, this can't be real.
What should I do? Yuya... why at such timing... when I was about to discuss our biggest crisis?
I guess it became my crisis now.
Yuya... should I just let him go?

Day 2
Dear diary,
Inoo-chan scolded me like never before. I know part of his temper is come from my action of defending Yuya. But what else can I do? Divorcing him might be the way after all. Hence Yuya will never get hurt. He doesn't have to share the burden that I'm carrying. Yabu and Yama-chan didn't say much though. I think they understand the reason for me to take this decision. But they did ask if I really want to abandon my pregnancy.
Yes diary, I'm pregnant. But the doctor said that I have to give up on my baby, for the aneurysm I had since two years ago has enter its danger zone- it will burst if I didn't have any surgery to fix it. But even with the surgery, the success rate is very low.
In other word, I may die anytime, sooner or later.
And for that very reason, I choose to spend my remaining days with my love one. Yes, it's no other my one and only Yuya.

Day 3
Dear diary,
Today is the first day after so long; Yuya eats dinner at home, with me. But I was scolded to the max though. My fault for making him waits when I know he is hungry. Gomen ne Yuya, this weak body can only move at this slow speed. Even cooking these simple dishes make me feel so lethargy. Demo ne Yuya, watching you eat up the food that I cooked ease all the pain away. I miss that cute face Yuya. Yes, that glutton's face of yours. I'm sure our child will get that glutton part from you- if he was to be born.
Oh God... please lend me some strength.
Yuya finished all food, give me a bouquet and most importantly, he kissed me. I'm so happy. I know he only did it to get me to sign the divorce paper. But that doesn't matter.
Because it doesn't change the fact that he did kissed me.

Day 6
Dear diary,
Yuya was home all day yesterday. He didn't talk at all to me. But I don't mind. His presence next to me is all that I need. It was fun watching him enjoying himself under the sun. We used to do that together before, but I guess time changes it all. Never mind. And diary, that glutton finished all the food again! That what makes me glad the most.
He stopped talking about the divorce paper, but he put a little reminder on his bouquet though.
Don't worry Yuya, I won't forget. I'll sign those papers, if I am still alive after 30 days.
Most likely I won't.
My doctor called today. The date for the pregnancy termination has been fixed. It's tomorrow. And given my condition I may need to stay in the hospital for a few days.
What should I tell Yuya?

Day 13
Dear diary,
I lied to Yuya. I use Ainosuke as an excuse to stay away from the house. Yama-chan helped me with the entire set up as well. He pretended to be sick and came to my house, asked me to babysit our little nephew. Of course Yuya did not suspect anything. He let me go pretty easily.
Yama-chan later brought me to the hospital, and I stayed there for almost a week. It was painful. I was anemic, and keep throwing up after the pregnancy termination took place. I thought I would die at that time. The doctors blame it on the hormones. But to me, this is my punishment for being selfish and killed my baby.
I was miserably depressed the whole time, until Yama-chan brought Ainosuke to visit me. JUMP's little angel-no, he is my little angel. His talkative mouth never stops asking about everything, and somehow that makes me less stressful. I guess what I need is to get myself busy, so that I can deviate my mind from thinking all those stressful happenings.

Diary,
I'm finally discharged today. And guess what, Yuya was smiling all brightly to see me coming home. He took my luggage and dragged me to the kitchen like a kid, begging me to cook something for his hungry tummy. He was really cute at that time diary. After so long he is finally here with me in the kitchen, assisting me with my cooking. That makes me forget most of my worries.
Finally, I feel like we are a married couple again.

Day 17
Dear diary,
I collapsed in front of everyone today. Again, I was brought to the hospital. It was my aneurysm, I know. My doctor looked really concerned. He urged me to stay in the hospital overnight, for the aneurysm in my head has balloon up and compressed a nerve nearby- that will affect my visions on my left side greatly. True enough, I somewhat become unstable and my eyes are not as great as before.
I refused to stay. I don't want Yuya to be worried. If he knows about my disease he will feel guilty for his bad attitude towards me all this while. He would sacrifice his desire to be with his girlfriend due to the guilt. I don't want that.
I have to be tough. Just another 13 days left. I need to hold on at least that long for Yuya's sake. I have to!

Day 22
Dear diary,
My doctor called this afternoon, informing me that my surgery has been brought forward a week prior to the agreed date, meaning that I will have my aneurysm fix in five more days. Sensei said he doesn't want to take anymore risk. But diary, I know that I might not come out from that surgery alive. I'm scared diary. Inoo-chan and Yama-chan both agreed with the doctor. And so Hikaru.

Demo ne, Yabu told me otherwise;
"I would prefer to die in Kei-chan's arm rather than the operating table,"
That's what he said. Of course Inoo-chan nagged him for giving such advice.
But you know diary, I think Yabu is right. Given the choices I do want to spend my last seconds with Yuya.
I think I know what to do.

Day 25
Dear diary,
I hope this won't be my last entry. I'm leaving to Okinawa today, with Yuya. Honestly I'm too weak to even move. My headache get more and more intense each day, that analgesic couldn't really relieve the pain anymore. But this is the last chance for us to have a happy memory together. Yuya didn't refuse. He even suggested that we stay in the same room.Oh diary, I'm really happy. I hope this weak body won't cause us too much trouble. I want today to be the best day in our lives.
See you again diary-maybe. I hope the next time I write I will jot down a happy memory to remember.

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.

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Takaki slowly closes the blue diary in his hand. He is sobbing- no, perhaps weeping might better describe his condition at the moment. He feels like a loser for letting his spouse to go through such agony all by himself. He didn't even notice how much pain Daiki faced, and worst he selfishly asked for a divorce at that very critical moment.

Dai chan... come back...

"Uncle Yuya..." Ainosuke enters the room.

"What's wrong dear?" Takaki wipes his tears fast, try to act as 'normal' as he can.

"When can we take uncle Daiki out?"

"Ainosuke... that..."

"Poor uncle Daiki..." the little boy begins to cry. "Why did people burry him underground like that? It's dark down there. Uncle Daiki must be scared. Come uncle Yuya. Let's help uncle Daiki out!" Ainosuke pulls Takaki's hand several times.

Ainosuke's innocent thoughts make Takaki tearful again. Takaki kneels on the floor and hugs the tiny boy tightly.

"We can't Ainosuke. Uncle Daiki is gone."

Ainosuke frowns, not understanding what his uncle is trying to tell him. "Gone where?"

"Heaven,"

"There's heaven underground?"

Takaki weakly nods.

"Then let's go to heaven and get uncle Daiki!"

"We will, but not today Ainosuke."

"Why? Did you not love uncle Daiki? Uncle Yuya is bad! I'll ask papa Yabu to come with me instead!" the seven years-old boy storms out from the room in anger.

Takaki sits still, watching as Ainosuke leaves. He didn't blame Ainosuke, there's no way that kid knows what 'death' means.

Dai-chan, heaven to me is when you are here. No, not as the 'servant'; but as my spouse. I miss you Dai-chan, I miss you so much. I now know what living hell means.

And I know this is my punishment.

~The end

~Thank you for reading this old fic. I hope you enjoy the angst ^_^