Oval Office Super Squad

Doodies

Imma try writing like this:

Chelsea: FUUUUUUUUU-

Melissa: *stifles a laugh*

Chelsea: MELISSA, THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER

Melissa: Hell it isn't you're on the toilet and you have a meeting in less than 10 minutes.

[Melissa walks outside the bathroom to wait right outside]

If anyone were to walk in on the president having a diarrhea episode, there would be dire consequences. Like, they may perish.

Melissa: *Laughs like a maniac, hand on the door, bracing herself from collapsing*

Chelsea: MELISSA

Melissa: I am not going back in there. When you DMed me saying that I'd be your Chief of Staff, I did not see this as one of my duties.

Chelsea: Doodies. hehe

Melissa: Ye ok, I'm going to tell your 2 pm you're going to be late.

Chelsea: Ye, that sounds like a good idea.

Melissa: Yup, in person, I might pass out.

Chelsea: Wait, could you at least get me some paperwork?

Melissa: Ew no, there's toiler paper for a reason. TOILET is in the damn name.

Chelsea: Jesus MELISSA, nO. If I'm going to be on this toilet for the rest of the day, I might as well get ahead of my paperwork. 

Melissa: Ugh fine, I'll get State Sec, but how he's gonna get the papers to you is out of my hands.

State Secretary Gnas was not a big fan of "hands-on situations." It makes sense he deals with well, papers. 

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KNOCK

Gnas: Uhm. Ma'am? You hollered? I have papers, febreeze, and your good pen.

Chelsea: Oh THANK GOD GNAS! You're an angel! THIS IS WHY YOU'RE THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB! But also Misha Collins wasn't available. You may be in charge of foreign affairs, but YOU, my man, are the best in helping my internal affairs if you know what I mean.

Gnas: 

Chelsea: Ye, I'm sorry Sean, please don't go to HR, Chief Admin scares me. Love you buddy.

Gnas: Within Great reason Madam President. Have fun in there.

[Quickly throws in the items into the bathroom and totally does not look suspecious]

Gnas: [makes the mistake of taking a breath] HOT DAMN! I would say you owe me, but I totally saw this coming.

Chelsea: What the hell is that supposed to- Whatever, just tell [SECRETSERVICE DUDE#1] Imma be here for a long time.

Gnas: Ye, he's grabbing lunch real quick [Secret Service Dude #2] was slow, and he was feeling particularly snacky. And the... stench wasn't helping.

Chelsea: [Slightly Embarassed] Thank you Gnas. 

Gnas was elected for the position with the highest of esteems from the Senate and had considerable public support. Well, as much as a potential Secretary of State can have.

Chelsea: *ponders* I wonder if [Secret Service Dude #1] would be here soon, ugh, I love talking with Secret Service while doing paperwork. They're legally not allowed to leave! It was also kind of like white noise because Secret Service Dudes were explicitly told to just listen and respond however the hell they please because apparently POTUS can only work with the sound of people pretending they care. Wow. Deep Bitch. We have fun here in the White House.

Chelsea: Hey [Secret Service Dude #1]?

SSD#1: Yes, Madame President?

Chelsea: Must you call me such a lengthy title?

[Reads through another lengthy paper that would leave any Terms and Conditions to shame]

SSD#1: Yes, Madame President.

Chelsea: Ugh fine.

[Chelsea sprays some Febreez]

Chelsea: Is the smell that bad?

SSD #1: Yes, Madame President.

[Chelsea sprays some more Febreeze]

[Chelsea ponders whether or not she should've grabbed her laptop. Damn the one time she doesn't bring her phone to the bathroom]

Chelsea: Are people giving you weird looks?

SSD#1: Not really, Madame President.

Chelsea: Why not? it's been a long time you've been standing outside the women's restroom? Does no one else need to use the restroom?

SSD#1: With all due respect Madame President, no one likes to follow you into the restroom.

Chelsea: Ah yes, because... safety... whatever, I read the thing, it was very exciting, like reading a Nicholas Sparks Nov-.

SSD#1: When you stink, you stink, Madame President.

Chelsea: Ye, that makes sense too... love you SSD #1. Do you understand how great this pen is SSD #1? I swear God uses it to create the finest of details in our nation's sweethearts, like Tom Hanks and Andy Samberg.

SSD #1: They are very lovely people indeed.

Chelsea: Right? oO You can't forget Keanu Reeves, Gina Linnetti and Melissa Fumero.

SSD #1: The second one is a fictional character Madame President.

Chelsea: And? God made man and man made Gina Linnetti. We seriously need to get the writers of Brooklyn 99 on our staff.

 SSD #1: We can't do that Madame President.

Chelsea: Why not? OH yE because this nation shouldn't really rely on those in the entertainment industry especially when it comes to the Executive and Legislative Branch and God forbid the Judicial Branch-

SSD #1: Eh, but also then who would write season 57 of Brooklyn 99.

Chelsea: [Laughs] You're one of the good guys SSD#1. [Farts] Hehe 

SSD #1: And you, Madame President, are one of the best out there.

Chelsea: *sighs* *whispers* It's crazy how he flirts with me. [Rolls eyes]

Chelsea has an uncontrollable habit of quoting B99. 

Chelsea: Isn't it crazy how the Kingdom in Tangled is named Corona. Like hot damn 2020.

[FLASHBACKS TO 2020]