Not The Life I Expected

Chapter Eighteen

After Arin got off the bus, I decided to climb into me and Brian's bug to take a nap. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm always tired. Just the other day I took two naps because I kept falling asleep on the couch, Brian eventually convinced me to go to bed for good that day even though it was only 7:30 at night. 

I imagine I was asleep for a while, I was woken up by someone's arms wrapped around my waist. I look behind to find Brian snuggled up to me. "I didn't mean to wake you up, I'm sorry." He apologizes. I smile and turn to face him, 
"It's fine. Did you just get back?" He shakes his head, 
"No, I've been back for an hour or so. I wanted to let you sleep." I nod and rubs my eyes as I yawn. "Where's everyone else?" 
"They went out to a bar, it's just us two." He smiles and kisses my lips, he lifts up my shirt just over my stomach and rubs it. "I can't believe it's really happening." I smile at him, 
"I know. I'm scared, though." Brian looks at me confused. 
"What's there to be scared of?" He asks me, 
"Just giving birth in general scares me." He sighs and kisses my stomach, then my forehead. 
"You'll be fine, I promise." No matter what he tells me, I'm still scared. "I can't wait until you have the baby." Yeah, right. 

                                                                                       ***

I've been living with Brian for a few months now, and I thought it was going to be great, but it's really not. He's turned into an abusive boyfriend and I'm stuck in this relationship. It's about to get worse. 

I walk over to Brian, who's sitting on the couch watching ESPN News. "Uhm, Brian... I have to talk to you about something." He looks over and nods. I sit down on the couch, but a few seats away. 
"What's up with you? He asks me. I sigh and think, I'm fucked. 
"I think I'm pregnant... my period is late..." Brian does nothing and looks at me. "Please say something." He shakes his head and stands up. 
"Haven't you been taking your birth control?" I look away from him, 
"Well... I missed a day last week." I mumbled. He shakes his head again, 
"Jesus fuck, Mackenzie!" I jump at him yelling, "You can't be fucking pregnant!" I also stand up, 
"So, you're saying that if I am, you wouldn't support it?" Brian shrugs, 
"I don't fucking know! If you are, then you need to nip it in the butt!" Obviously, he was talking about abortion. I shake my head and begin to walk away, but I'm stopped by Brian grabbing my arm and throwing me back onto the couch.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" He spats at me, 
"I was going into the bedroom, genius. I am not getting an abortion if I'm pregnant! You know damn well I'm against it!" That's something that I shouldn't have said, Brian slaps me across the face after. He's never done that before. I immediately grab my cheek and tear up, "Are you serious right now!?"
"You are going to go to the store and get a fucking pregnancy test! You are going to come back and take it, do I make myself clear?" I nodded my head and got up, I took the car keys and left the house. 

I came back a half hour later with a test and go to the bathroom with looking at Brian. I slam the bathroom door behind me and lock it. I hear him walk over and stand by the door, just waiting. "How long does it take to piss on a stick, Mackenzie?" He asks me, 
"I have to wait at least three minutes, five for the best results." I answer quietly. 
"Then come out and wait with me." I hesitate but I come out with the test and sit on the bed. He sits down next to me. 

We wait exactly five minutes for the results, it was definitely the longest five minutes of my life. I look down at the test to see a negative sign. "I'm not pregnant." Brian nods and gets up, 
"Awesome. Next time, don't scare me like that."

                                                                                     ***

"When are we going to know if it's a boy or girl?" Brian asks me with hope in his eyes. 
"I made an appointment with the local hospital here, it's a couple hours before we leave." I tell him. 
"I don't care what we have, I'll be just as happy with whatever we have." We smile at each other, 
"I feel the same way." Truth be told, I didn't feel the same way. 

I'd much rather have a girl than a boy. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy if we had a boy, but I'd be scared that Brian didn't really change and our son turned out to be the exact same way as his father. If we have a girl, then Brian just might change and be a great father to her. 

Yes, giving birth scares me, but the question of what gender we're going to have scares me even more.