Cigarettes After Sunset

Chapter 2

Samuel looked innocent, Samuel looked nice, Samuel did look like he had a pure soul, but in fact, a face can lie just like a book's cover can, just like a person can. Lies, they're like poison, they're more than words, they're; faces, masks, stares, glances. Even if a person has no desire to lie, their face betrays them, because honesty doesn't exist in this world, as Samuel'd think.

A seventeen year old boy, pushing his classmates against a locker just to feel the power and the control that for once, made the pain he was feeling inside go numb, just for, at least half of the day. For half of the day, he didn't think of how he would hurt himself, but how he'd hurt others instead. Fairness has never been real, neither has happiness, they're delusions he'd think.

The handsome man, who was about five years older, was slowly walking next to Samuel down the school's hallway, observing the attitude of his, observing his moves and the rapid breaths. Everyone was staring, but whom? Whom were they looking at with those piercing looks, making Samuel feel like acid flowing through his veins, dissolving everything inside? Were they staring at the man of older age and thinking why he was at a school? Too young to be Samuel's dad, but too close to Samuel to be a new teacher? How curious some strangers can be.

"I'm disappointed."- The man said sighting and looking around, as if he was trying to remember something, or maybe avoiding eye contact with Samuel. Regardless, they couldn't make eye contact so what was left was to look away, getting lost in the void of an empty, almost faded of color wall.

"So am I."- said Samuel briefly, wanting to roll his eyes in the back of his head and question his sanity as the monster inside pulled him by the legs and drowned him in the fluids and if that did happen, he'd ask why.

"You're Samuel, but I'm also Samuel."- the man claims and then, a sudden smile crawled up his face- "But I guess you have realized that by now."

"I have, dear sir."- Samuel then, stopped walking, realizing he'd walk way to far and missed the class's entrance- "I've seen you before."

He really had seen him before, he had. The man, was Samuel's greedy desire of who he wanted to be, the polar opposite of who he was. Unable to change, all there was left was to create a delusion of the perfect human, but how come everyone could see him? How come the whole world was able to see a sad and desperate humans creation? Maybe everyone were delusional, wanting to see perfection, because humans desire what they shall not have.

Either way, Samuel did not care. Was he going crazy? Did perfection actually exist? He could not care less, because what seeing perfection did, was make him hate himself even more.

The man turned around as his smile finally dropped: "So naive, Samuel, judging people by their looks."

"It's not naive sir."- he'd respond frowning and even though the bell had rang, he didn't move a single muscle, freezing in place by the words that had made their way throughout his whole body- "Humans judge, and therefore, I indeed am a human. Who am I to be an exception?"

The man laughed, still not being able to face Samuel, because if Samuel was not able to face the actual reality, who was he to be able to face himself? Because in order to face yourself you have to face reality and reality is harsh, it sometimes, is a delusion that feels like a room with a locked door and there you are, drowning in all those keys, wondering which to choose until you finally give up and accept that reality is just a shut door with simply, a broken lock. "We're all exceptions."

"We're not."- he disagreed, now narrowing his eyebrows and harshly clenching his fists- "In this world, whether you try to be different, you still are a puppet. Everyone is a puppet, being controlled by the same thoughts, just expressing them differently. Living in this world, no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said living."- he ended his sentence, blushing from the terrible mistake he had just made.

And then, trying to catch his breath, Samuel continued: "You cannot live in this world, because we're all buried alive. All we're doing is breathing, inhaling and exhaling, thinking, every day is the same, just with a different name. Whomever says they're happy, the are in a delusion, not being able to accept the fact that-"- he stopped again, catching his breath, because Samuel has never talked this much before. Samuel's friend never let him do the talk.

"They cannot accept the fact that life is misery, there's no happiness, no one has ever been happy before, they've just been delusional, ignorant to the actual feelings, the feelings that truly exist."

The man laughed as his loud voice echoed through, now, the empty hallways of the school and, after a couple of minutes he finally was able to get himself together.

"Pardon me for my language, but what you've said is actually such bullshit."- he had said, finally facing Samuel- "Now, it's my turn to show you what reality's actually like."

But what reality was like was above Samuel's expectations and beliefs, everything he had preached and known would crumble into pieces right in front of him and everything would fade, along with everything he thought he was.