The USB Stick That I Hold More Than My Phone

My Truth

Hey everyone, Cat here! This is something that I've been struggling for a while, an addiction that I wasn't willing to admit for the better part of my young adult years. Finally, I pushed myself and wrote this account about my experience with smoking and vaping in particular. Let me preface that even though this piece of writing is sponsored, every word is as real as it could be. I teamed up with truth® to tell real stories of how young people have been impacted by vaping. For a chance to win, learn more about the #ShareYourTruth writing contest here: https://www.wattpad.com/878856108-shareyourtruth-short-story-contest-shareyourtruth #Sponsored

Now let me start first...
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"Have you seen my Juul?"

That's the question I ask my live-in partner the most, second only to 'what do you want to eat today?'

I'm a grown woman and I've grown an extra limb on my body; my Juul. I go with it everywhere. The toilet. The kitchen. When I visit the doctor. The cinema. I got hospitalized when my appendix was removed, and I was vaping in between nurses changing my IV drips.

The great thing about Juul was how sneaky it was. My country allowed me to choose my seat in the cinema and I always chose the one at the very back, because that meant I can vape in the dark (and then kiss my partner if the movie got boring). It also looked 'cool'. It was small, sleek, and it could light up. In the back of my head, I feel like holding this little USB device gives people a sneak of information about my personality; I'm fun, I'm easy going. Look, I'm a girl who vapes. I've lost count on how many new interactions that I got from openly vaping in front of people.

It all started when I was trying to quit smoking. I read about this new device that could help you quit, and I bought it. I got hooked almost immediately afterwards. The smoke goes up so quickly that it's almost virtually impossible for my parents to catch me if I vape in their house. The smell doesn't attack my nostrils like cigarette does. I feel like I've gotten myself a cheat code for a better life.

But it's not.

I was counting my finances and I found out that the most I'm spending on perishables was for my Juul pods. I promised myself that I would only buy a pack of two pods per week, but of course that didn't happen. Because nicotine really messes up with your head. You will want to want more, need more, reward yourself more. While I started at two pods a week, it very quickly becomes double, triple, and even five times of that when I'm a little stressed. Now, I'm on one pod a day, and those little pods add up a lot of money. Money that I could have used for my groceries, or skincare, or bills. Money that shouldn't be smoked away and evaporate on air.

It takes me a while to really acknowledge this problem of mine. Why? Because vape, and Juul in particular, looks so harmless and secretive. It's small. Its smoke disappear quickly. It doesn't leave lingering smell. People, including my parents and my live in partner, don't know how much I'm actually smoking. I think that's one of the most dangerous aspects of vape: when it comes to cigarettes, people openly condemn you when you do it. And the smell and/or smoke follows you everywhere. Juul does neither. It can easily be your dirty little secret, and it's slowly destroying your body and mind.

I'm not the kind of person who gets angry easily, but I remember getting frustrated and yelled at my partner for losing my Juul charger. I remember hitting up my friends so that I could buy their Juul device because I broke mine. I remember I was in the middle of a drive to an important meeting, only to drive back towards my house because I forgot my little portable devil. They're all little things, but like those little pods, they add up.

Now I wake up with a heaviness in my chest and still my first instinct is to grab my Juul that I put under my pillow and have a smoke. I could wait for my spaghetti to cook and I'll be smoking my Juul. My head is in constant ringing dizziness that you get when you're vaping too much, but if I don't, I'll go crazy and get antsy. They don't show this kind of anxiety, this kind of deranged need about people who smoke/vape in mainstream media. They only want to catch the aesthetic; the wafting smoke, the quiet nights, the sweet lies.

But what my life has became is not the kind of 'cool' life I was expecting when I took up cigarette and Juul in the first place. This is getting to dangerous territory. This is inching towards madness. I'm genuinely afraid to go to the doctor and check on my lungs.

I don't want anyone to be stuck in the same place as me. Especially if those people take up vaping because of peer-pressure. Especially if those people haven't even smoked cigarette before. Especially if those people haven't stopped growing their frontal lobes and haven't even reached 20. It's not worth it. It's really not.

I'm still paying for my mistakes.

#ShareYourTruth