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|chapter twelve:: killer|
I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.
I felt like I repeated that about ninety times to myself even as we sat in a circle comforting Lu for her actual crime. She didn't meant to- she couldn't have. She's not a killer.
Ander sat next to me, but neither of us had anything to say. He was the first person to come to me after seeing me at the broken window. He pulled me away from the crowd that was forming upstairs, though I was too in shock to acknowledge him checking on me before Guzman told us to follow him. He then explained to me what Lu did, but I couldn't get my chronic thoughts out of my head.
I pushed him off of me. His shirt slipped through my fingers and I couldn't do anything else but watch him fall. Lu wasn't the only murderer here in the circle. It was my fault he was dead too.
I look over to my left and past Rebeca to see Valerio calming Cayetana down, who was sobbing harder than anyone else here. Lu cried for the first couple of minutes, but now she was just as in shock as me.
Polo's dead because of me. I couldn't save him.
"I didn't mean to," Lu finally said after minutes of silence, unless you count whispers and cries from Cayetana, "I didn't."
"It was an accident, Lu." Carla assured Lu, before glancing back at me, showing the pain she was feeling, "It was an accident." She was trying to comfort me too, but I felt nothing but guilt and no amount of reassurance could make me feel better.
"It was my fault," Lu whimpered.
"No," I spoke up, meeting my eyes, "It was mine." Ander then turned to me, but I kept my eyes on Lu as my voice cracked, "I pushed him off me."
"It wasn't intentional, Adriana," Ander whispered to me. I told him what happened past my stammers and bothersome thoughts. "You didn't mean to do it."
I stayed silent because it was true. I didn't mean to either.
"We'll say it was an accident," Nadia advised as Valerio came back into the group.
"Nobody will believe that," He claimed, "Everyone saw Lu throw a drink in his face and probably saw Adriana push him into the glass too."
"But it's the truth."
"No one cares for the truth anymore, Nadia," I sighed, "It's either you did it or you didn't."
"The cops are going to want to close this case," Samuel inputted, agreeing with me, "They want to find someone to blame, and lock them up for 20 or 30 years."
I'm going to jail.
"We have no choice," Guzman suddenly stated and I turned to look over at him.
"Yes, we do." Samuel objected, "We can put an end to this nightmare once and for all. We've all suffered enough. Too many lives have been shattered. We'll walk out of here together, free, and we'll leave this shit behind forever."
