Finding You

Abuse

Alessa

Music. So much emotion put into only 3 minutes. It's like through the notes, you could hear their soul reaching out to us, begging us to help them, yet all we can do is listen.

That's why I enjoy it. I feel like I can relate to it, more than I can relate in everyday life.

I sighed and raised my head off my soft pillows. Everyday was the same: wake up, go to work. While at work, get taken advantage of by all my co-workers, get home and cry, repeat. 

I looked to the side of my bed, hoping to see my boyfriend, Alex, whom I had met at a club Sam and Addison had took me to.

 But there was no Alex to be seen. 

It was love at first sight, until it all went downhill.

It all started on the 13th of June 2017, my 18th birthday. Addison and Sam had begged to take me out even though I was planning on staying cooped up inside, as no matter where I went, there would always be whispers, choking me.  Eventually, I did give in and let them take me away.

We arrived at the club and danced for about half an hour. 

That was before they went off to get drinks without me.

I had went to the toilet to reapply my mascara, and when I went back into the club, they were nowhere to be seen. I had searched and searched for them; it seemed like they had completely disappeared from the club.

I even went outside to search for them. Maybe they had left me? 

But I didn't let that stop me from enjoying myself.

I slapped a carefree grin onto my face, hiding the betrayal I felt behind it, and walked back into the club, face held high.

That was when I met him. Alex.

We danced, got drinks together, and that eventually led to more things afterwards. Our relationship is what some would call 'perfect' until it got abusive.

Not all abuse is physical.

He never touched me, yet he broke me. I never saw it as an abuse, as their were no wounds on my body, only the scars in my mind that I couldn't prove to anyone. 

I huffed and eventually got myself out of bed. Even this was a struggle on most days, but I knew I had to work to save up my university tuition. 

I hopped into the shower, hoping to wash away not just the dirt and grease, but all the memories, from that day. 

Sooner rather than later, I was out. But I still felt dirty.

So I went and washed again. 

And again.

And again.

I looked into the mirror after my fourth wash. I could see the dirt behind my ears and on my neck.

I need to be clean!

'Your so dirty!'

'Ugly'

'Why am I stuck with someone like you?'

I shook my head and wiped the forming tears away from my face. I needed to be strong. Not just for myself, but for everyone surrounding me, so that they didn't have to see me as the weak girl everyone thought I was.

But even this proved difficult on some days.

By this time, I had already got into my showy outfit we were forced to wear.

I looked outside and saw it was raining, again.

Looks like the weather matches my mood. Haha. People want it to go away. Like me.

Grabbing a pen and paper, I left a note for Alex to tell him where I was going and quickly left the apartment.

Hailing a cab was never an easy thing for me to do. Whenever I hailed one, they always drove past me, driving to pick up the hotter, more attractive girls.

This was until one finally stopped at me.

Inside was the hottest guy I'd ever seen. 

He was slightly tanned, and from how cramped his feet were on the floor, he was definitely over 6ft. His body had literally been sculpted by God, with his eight pack and biceps visible through his shirt-

"Are you gonna get in, or keep staring?" His gruff voice reprimanded me. So sexy.

"I-i-i-i'll come in" I said, and quickly sat down at the back of the car.

Mystery man rolled his eyes and eventually asked for my location.

There were two options:

1. I could mention his house (iykyk)

Or

2. Tell him where I'm actually going

I chose the latter of those options, and mentioned my work place.

I slipped out my phone, to see if any notifications had popped up. But alas, there was only one, and it was from my mum.

The message read: 'Are u ok????????????????'

Why did she need so many question marks?

My mum was the only one that truly cared for me, or at least close to it. 

She made sure to ask me how I was on a daily basis, which to be honest is a bit much, but what do I know?

15 minutes and an awkward car ride later, I had arrived at Angelbucks, or, hell.

I thanked the driver, who only offered a grunt in response.

I feebly stumbled out of the car, into the rain, and quickly rushed, trying not to fall over, and made it into the cafe.

I breathed a huge sigh, wiping down my miniskirt, and looked up.

There I saw Alex, making out with the lead server, Vanessa.

This day couldn't get any worse, could it?